Too long I've been afraid of losing love, I guess I've lost...

Feb 24, 2006 12:06

I just finished watching RENT for the third time since I go the DVD, and I've finally stopped crying at Angel's funeral. Instead I just tear up and then sob druing the finale. My head is so messed up sometimes.

In that mood again, where I'm feeling clingy but I don't think I'm worth it. Feeling quite pathetic, actually. Could everyone ignore my ramblings for a bit? Especially in the looks part?

You have to understand, I've always hated the way I look, I've always thought that I was only passably pretty, and I'm okay with it. Please, no one comment with any statements on my appearance, okay? That's not what this is about. I seriously am not a girl who sits around saying "I'm ugly" or "I'm fat" so people will tell me otherwise. If I say these things, I generally tend to be thinking them seriously. I have my days, okay? I can't be happy with myself all the time. It's just that I have my days when I feel fat, looking into the mirror or maybe just the way I'm carrying myself. And the majority of the days I wake up, look in the mirror and think "Not too bad. Doing okay. I'm not gorgous, but I'll do. Not going to make any babies cry with my face."

So when I say Sam is prettier than me, I mean it. He very much is. I mean this is a few simple ways: he has better hair, better eyes, and better skin. My hair tries to kill me in my sleep, my eyes will always be the most dull shade of brown on the planet, and my skin was great until this year when it decided to join up with my hair in the attmepts to make me look like Quasimodo's Aunt Gertrude. I'm not saying he has better bone structure or that guys like him more. I'm saying that if you just had these three things to judge by, he'd win.

Not that anyone even listens to my theories anymore. They just write it off as a "pretty" girl whining so that she can get more compliments. I was trying to compliment Sam, actually. So there.

*sigh* [/rant]

New rant...on the RPG of Furuba I joined, on of the girls was kicked out for bad behavior and all her friends went with her, so we have to find a good chunk of new people. I'm probably going to start playing another character, at least until we get a replacement.

While I'm at it, shameless pimpage: Join junnishi_rpg. Join it if you know anything about Fruits Basket and even just like the fandom. Lots of positions open, check it out on their User Info.

I know not what else to say, really, except that I feel incredibly codependant and Trent is at some stupid lock-in/famine thingy for Nikki's church. And it's too late to call Mari but she's nto online and ditto with anyone worth talking to, actually. I hope to go to Mari's tomorrow (sorry Lizzie, but I saw you last weekend and I haven't seen mai in a bit) and hang out there. Force them all to watch RENT, maybe goof around singing loudly and off-key for the hell of it. Who knows, we always have fun though.

I love you all,
Sarah

P.S. Idina Menzel is a goddess.
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