Holidays.
it's almost christmas. I'm not done shopping. I'm working everyday up until christmas. stupid hours. like 3am and 4am. it's supposed to freaking blizzard this whole weekend, which blows cause that means i'll be walking in a snow storm cause diane doesn't drive in snow. oh well. i just really need to invest in some boots haha.
i'm going to bake muffins and take a shower in a few minutes. that's how exciting my life is. but i love it.
i also love that you can do almost anything you want on the internet. i changed my address with the rmv & with the post office and told them to forward my mail here. ive changed my credit cards and i've even told PhilaU that i moved. i've been freaking out/not freaking out about this whole split from my family. I've completely divorced them. I'm very happy and less stressed. I feel free and like i'm finally not being judged for breathing and maybe just maybe i can get on with my life. But at the same time, it's very terrifying to know that the one thing that everyone is always supposed to have (a family) i don't. I know i have my friends, matt, diane...but they're still iffy things. They have no permanent ties to me, no reason that they have to continue to love me. When i think about it for too long, i get scared. I get overcome with a sense of loneliness i can't quite put in to words. I just need a few months of stability. My real journey through life begins now.
i know i'm not in school right now, but i've been watching the school closings scroll across my screen with the excitement of an elementary school kid hoping to spend the day building a snow man.
i feel so content and happy and full and bubbly because i am completely and absolutely in love with the most amazing person i've ever met. i can't help but smile at the mention of his name. it breaks my heart a little every time he leaves. there's no pressure to be someone i'm not...no obsession with appearances...no pressure to be older...no guilt for being a girl. i can tell the crappiest stories and say the stupidest things and he just loves me more. he holds my hand and kisses my forehead and i just want to die. i want to puke on myself and explode from gayness.
i feel like everyone i needed in my life is back in it. i'm a very happy cupcake.
i'm going to bake muffins and take a shower in a few minutes. that's how exciting my life is. but i love it.
i also love that you can do almost anything you want on the internet. i changed my address with the rmv & with the post office and told them to forward my mail here. ive changed my credit cards and i've even told PhilaU that i moved. i've been freaking out/not freaking out about this whole split from my family. I've completely divorced them. I'm very happy and less stressed. I feel free and like i'm finally not being judged for breathing and maybe just maybe i can get on with my life. But at the same time, it's very terrifying to know that the one thing that everyone is always supposed to have (a family) i don't. I know i have my friends, matt, diane...but they're still iffy things. They have no permanent ties to me, no reason that they have to continue to love me. When i think about it for too long, i get scared. I get overcome with a sense of loneliness i can't quite put in to words. I just need a few months of stability. My real journey through life begins now.
i know i'm not in school right now, but i've been watching the school closings scroll across my screen with the excitement of an elementary school kid hoping to spend the day building a snow man.
i feel so content and happy and full and bubbly because i am completely and absolutely in love with the most amazing person i've ever met. i can't help but smile at the mention of his name. it breaks my heart a little every time he leaves. there's no pressure to be someone i'm not...no obsession with appearances...no pressure to be older...no guilt for being a girl. i can tell the crappiest stories and say the stupidest things and he just loves me more. he holds my hand and kisses my forehead and i just want to die. i want to puke on myself and explode from gayness.
i feel like everyone i needed in my life is back in it. i'm a very happy cupcake.