(no subject)
Things I learned Friday night...
1. When the guy you are "seeing" does not call you for a week, know that something is up.
2. It is very hard to drive while drunk.
3. Do not try to bang down someone's front door with your fist. It will not work.
4. Punching someone may feel good at the time, but the guilt the next day is horrible.
5. If you get a feeling that someone may be a little crazy, they probably are.
I had quite an eventful evening. Obviously. And after all of it, I miss DD. The real DD. The DD that I used to be able to just hang out with and have fun with. DD minus his problems with AL...
I am not proud of my actions Friday night. I know I messed up. I only hope that DD can see that he is in the wrong as well... That he does have the "power", or whatever you want to call it, to hurt people... To screw with people's emotions.
My legs hurt, my hand hurts, but, most of all, my heart hurts. I hate this feeling.
If only I could rewind, undo, erase, start over...
Running down the sidewalk downtown with BE and DS was so much fun... The air was cold and I was out of breath, but I felt like a little kid again. I love that feeling.
I don't need "someone" to be with. I'm not like AL. I can be single and be perfectly fine with it. I would never want to push myself on someone. And I think that's what AL does... I know that's what AL does.
That's the thing... I didn't want anything out of this. I didn't want anything out of him. If it was meant to be, it would have happened.
Ok, so maybe, I did want something. I wanted a friend. And I think that's why it hurts so bad... Boys come and go. They always have and they always will. A good friendship is hard to come by... And I feel I have lost one in the making.
I hurt for all of us... Myself, AL, and DD. AL because she is so vulnerable and naive... Because she continues to chase after him. Because she won't be honest with anybody... Not even herself.
DD... DD is, in essence, a small child. I hurt for him because he is confused. Because he has so many choices... So many women... So many emotions... And it makes him weak. He just needs to follow his heart. He needs to stop trying to be so perfect... And simple.
Out of all of the people I know, DD is probably the most complex. Outwardly, yes, he makes it appear to be something it's not. He lives in a small apartment with very few things. He works a simple job. He wears simple clothes. But, good God, he is so much more than that...
We are all only human. We all are just insanely looking for love... To be in love and be loved... But the three of us, I believe, want that love in three different ways.
So this is the outcome. I highly doubt I will ever be as close to DD as I was three months ago... I'm afraid I won't talk to him ever again...
And I think that's what saddens me the most... Not that he was intimate with me and then had sex with AL, not the drama, the gossip, and the lies... But that it came and it went. Just like that...
We never had a chance... A chance to just enjoy each other's company. To truly get to know one another... There was always something or, rather, someone, there... In the background... Waiting, watching...
Really, all I wanted was a friend.
And I've lost him...
***
The last night I spent with you, DD, really was amazing... Just us being there... Listening to music, talking, and dancing. Those are the simple things in life. Love and sex are anything but that... If you want to lead a simple life, stay away from them.
Don't be so free with yourself, DD. Don't give true love out to everyone. Get to know someone... Go enjoy their company, go talk with them, listen to music... And dance.
Enjoy those truly simple things.
I felt that spark the first night I met you and, perhaps, you felt it too. Something was there, but I guess that something just got too complicated...
"If you love someone, set them free..."
And I stand by my word and I will do just that.
Take care.
1. When the guy you are "seeing" does not call you for a week, know that something is up.
2. It is very hard to drive while drunk.
3. Do not try to bang down someone's front door with your fist. It will not work.
4. Punching someone may feel good at the time, but the guilt the next day is horrible.
5. If you get a feeling that someone may be a little crazy, they probably are.
I had quite an eventful evening. Obviously. And after all of it, I miss DD. The real DD. The DD that I used to be able to just hang out with and have fun with. DD minus his problems with AL...
I am not proud of my actions Friday night. I know I messed up. I only hope that DD can see that he is in the wrong as well... That he does have the "power", or whatever you want to call it, to hurt people... To screw with people's emotions.
My legs hurt, my hand hurts, but, most of all, my heart hurts. I hate this feeling.
If only I could rewind, undo, erase, start over...
Running down the sidewalk downtown with BE and DS was so much fun... The air was cold and I was out of breath, but I felt like a little kid again. I love that feeling.
I don't need "someone" to be with. I'm not like AL. I can be single and be perfectly fine with it. I would never want to push myself on someone. And I think that's what AL does... I know that's what AL does.
That's the thing... I didn't want anything out of this. I didn't want anything out of him. If it was meant to be, it would have happened.
Ok, so maybe, I did want something. I wanted a friend. And I think that's why it hurts so bad... Boys come and go. They always have and they always will. A good friendship is hard to come by... And I feel I have lost one in the making.
I hurt for all of us... Myself, AL, and DD. AL because she is so vulnerable and naive... Because she continues to chase after him. Because she won't be honest with anybody... Not even herself.
DD... DD is, in essence, a small child. I hurt for him because he is confused. Because he has so many choices... So many women... So many emotions... And it makes him weak. He just needs to follow his heart. He needs to stop trying to be so perfect... And simple.
Out of all of the people I know, DD is probably the most complex. Outwardly, yes, he makes it appear to be something it's not. He lives in a small apartment with very few things. He works a simple job. He wears simple clothes. But, good God, he is so much more than that...
We are all only human. We all are just insanely looking for love... To be in love and be loved... But the three of us, I believe, want that love in three different ways.
So this is the outcome. I highly doubt I will ever be as close to DD as I was three months ago... I'm afraid I won't talk to him ever again...
And I think that's what saddens me the most... Not that he was intimate with me and then had sex with AL, not the drama, the gossip, and the lies... But that it came and it went. Just like that...
We never had a chance... A chance to just enjoy each other's company. To truly get to know one another... There was always something or, rather, someone, there... In the background... Waiting, watching...
Really, all I wanted was a friend.
And I've lost him...
***
The last night I spent with you, DD, really was amazing... Just us being there... Listening to music, talking, and dancing. Those are the simple things in life. Love and sex are anything but that... If you want to lead a simple life, stay away from them.
Don't be so free with yourself, DD. Don't give true love out to everyone. Get to know someone... Go enjoy their company, go talk with them, listen to music... And dance.
Enjoy those truly simple things.
I felt that spark the first night I met you and, perhaps, you felt it too. Something was there, but I guess that something just got too complicated...
"If you love someone, set them free..."
And I stand by my word and I will do just that.
Take care.