# When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out. # Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it. # Some people like to eat frogs’ legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes. # There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue. # When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald’s because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy’s. # Chuck Norris can’t finish a “color by numbers” because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red. # A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states. # When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn’t get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris. # Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick) # Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through. # When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won’t be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women. # How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? …All of it. # In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald’s in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized. # Chuck Norris CAN believe it’s not butter. # If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes. # Chuck Norris can divide by zero. # The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears. # A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words. # Newton’s Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. # Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It’s called Chuck-Will-Kill. # When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side. # While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium. # Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography. # When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies. # When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part. # Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this “a slow Tuesday.” # Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around. # Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris. # For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one. # Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego. # When taking the SAT, write “Chuck Norris” for every answer. You will score over 8000. # Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink. # When you’re Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face. # Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO. # On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun. # Nobody doesn’t like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris. # Chuck Norris doesn’t throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down! # In the beginning there was nothing…then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said “Get a job”. That is the story of the universe. # Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth. # Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
# When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.
# Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
# Some people like to eat frogs’ legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
# There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
# When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald’s because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy’s.
# Chuck Norris can’t finish a “color by numbers” because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.
# A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.
# When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn’t get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
# Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)
# Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
# When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won’t be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.
# How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? …All of it.
# In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald’s in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.
# Chuck Norris CAN believe it’s not butter.
# If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.
# Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
# The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
# A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words.
# Newton’s Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
# Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It’s called Chuck-Will-Kill.
# When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
# While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.
# Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.
# When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.
# When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.
# Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this “a slow Tuesday.”
# Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.
# Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
# For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
# Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.
# When taking the SAT, write “Chuck Norris” for every answer. You will score over 8000.
# Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
# When you’re Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.
# Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
# On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
# Nobody doesn’t like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.
# Chuck Norris doesn’t throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!
# In the beginning there was nothing…then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said “Get a job”. That is the story of the universe.
# Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.
# Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
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