Retaliation and compassion
It's often tempting to immediately retaliate in some way against those who are unkind to us, but more and more lately I've been seeing things from a different perspective. People tend to behave badly toward each other because (generally speaking) they are hurt, angry, and have been treated unkindly themselves - maybe not by the person they're lashing out against, but by someone or many someones. Yes, there need to be consequences for socially maladaptive behaviors; however, sniping at them or maliciously causing other difficulties for them doesn't tend to make much of anyone stop behaving badly. It tends to make them angrier and more hurt, thus perpetuating the cycle.
Compassion, on the other hand, goes a long way. It may be that the antagonist was just having a hard day and acted inappropriately in ways which s/he doesn't normally do. That was the case recently with me when I blew up over something stupid. Fortunately, the person I blew up to had the presence of mind to be calm in responding, and I realized how crappy I'd just been. Apologies ensued, and things were resolved well.
Even when the antagonist is a perpetual offender, a certain amount of well-applied compassion can prevent the antagonized party from getting too worked up in the first place and/or holding on to the perceived offense. I'm not advocating being a doormat. However, one can be assertive while exercising empathy, thus resulting in a better outcome for everyone.
What I try to keep sight of when someone is behaving badly toward me is that getting in their face is unlikely to help and that as rude as they may be toward me, adding my negativity to the mix will only escalate the situation. I don't always do a good job of that, but I'm trying. The "retaliatory" magic I do these days tends to be more toward increasing their awareness and sympathy for how they affect others than causing actual harm. Who in this world couldn't use a little more understanding?
This isn't a matter of just me saying, "U ppl r so meeeeeeeeeen!" It's really a matter of practicality. Do you want people to stop behaving like jerks? Then how do you think being a jerk to them is going to affect that goal?
Compassion, on the other hand, goes a long way. It may be that the antagonist was just having a hard day and acted inappropriately in ways which s/he doesn't normally do. That was the case recently with me when I blew up over something stupid. Fortunately, the person I blew up to had the presence of mind to be calm in responding, and I realized how crappy I'd just been. Apologies ensued, and things were resolved well.
Even when the antagonist is a perpetual offender, a certain amount of well-applied compassion can prevent the antagonized party from getting too worked up in the first place and/or holding on to the perceived offense. I'm not advocating being a doormat. However, one can be assertive while exercising empathy, thus resulting in a better outcome for everyone.
What I try to keep sight of when someone is behaving badly toward me is that getting in their face is unlikely to help and that as rude as they may be toward me, adding my negativity to the mix will only escalate the situation. I don't always do a good job of that, but I'm trying. The "retaliatory" magic I do these days tends to be more toward increasing their awareness and sympathy for how they affect others than causing actual harm. Who in this world couldn't use a little more understanding?
This isn't a matter of just me saying, "U ppl r so meeeeeeeeeen!" It's really a matter of practicality. Do you want people to stop behaving like jerks? Then how do you think being a jerk to them is going to affect that goal?