(no subject)
Reading my earlier LJ post is extremely enlightening, which is why I keep LJ going to the best of my ability... What is evident from back reading, maybe 65+% of the time is, when I ask the universe for help or if I am confused or upset about something, things always seem to somehow work itselves out. Its a great lesson for life; Endure and things could get better (knock wood). Without a means to reflect, as LJ is my provider of, things always seem to either platau or decline, because we forget how things were. At least I forget how thing were, I do wish my memory was better...
Since the opening of my westend show, my beautiful daughter Viola Carmen Odessa Bembury was born. I didn't get a chance to check out the date on that previous entry, but I suspect she was born the DAY(or day after) I wrote that. She is almost 6-months now, I can't believe that! Also, I can't believe it's been that long since I've updated LJ. Of course, I say that every time! In addition to that, with the company I freelance with, I've been offered the position I have always wanted to try my luck at, which is in turn offering me the "Out" I've been searching for for a while now. Timing of it isn't great- We have just bought a house, decided to settle in the UK, Kim has just gone back to work off of maternity leave, I had just decided to slowly adjust my path in order to teach, and now the job offers a new life in the USA... But I can't not see that as a #FirstWorldProblem, so I shouldn't complain.
The new Job is great thus far. I will not go too much into emotion/descriptive events/slander/praise here though, as tempting as it is, as I still have a very valid fear/awareness of the publicness of the internet. Who knows who could stumble upon this. I will say however, I have been learning a lot about myself since I started this job, some good, some not so good; But most importantly, I've learned that this is the kind of responsibility I have always wanted in a job, although the responsibility is terrifying. I have never cared as much for a company before starting this job, present employer included. Which adds truth to the value of incentiving your employees and making them feel that the companies success actually does translate to your individual success. I don't think i've really ever had that. Its slightly like that in theatre, where the more tix sold for the production the more profit-share, although my role as a LD in a stage production doesn't really hold any reigns except as an accessory; Especially at the level I have been working at- a good lighting design can help, but no one is really buying tickets because of the Lighting Designer. Maybe that is not the attitude to have, but it is the truth. Perhaps that was the main reason I switched to a Directing path to begin with? If my success depends on something, I'd like to have some sort of controlling position in it; I know my work ethic, motivations, and drive, so really, I am the only person I could trust. I've always had a hint of Narcism about me! The fear is not knowing whether or not I can pull off what I set out to, but I know that I will try my hardest not to fail me.
What is scary is that, I have a family now, and I want to make sure I can also be there for them. A lot of fathers screw up their daughters unconciously, and I def do not want to be that guy. I want all the best for Viola, and its nice to be in a work position where I could possibly provide that. I want her generation of Bembury's to be the best yet; highly educated, free thinkers, aware, and equipped to navigate this terrible world better than anyone. How I pass that on, I have no idea.. Hopefully, she will get that naturally from Kim & I, and is able to take it to the next level. The further i fall into these thoughts, the more conservative idealogies are sneaking into my head. I hate politics because they force you to choose where you stand, all or nothing. To be Republican/Tory is to be Gun-crazed, homophobic, patriotic, wealthy people. To be a Democrat/Liberal is to surender to the all knowing government, and loosen up drug-laws, etc. And, people are mindless when it comes to voting, they vote the party they have always voted for... Sigh, somehow this post is becoming political, and that was not my intent. so i will stop here.
Since the opening of my westend show, my beautiful daughter Viola Carmen Odessa Bembury was born. I didn't get a chance to check out the date on that previous entry, but I suspect she was born the DAY(or day after) I wrote that. She is almost 6-months now, I can't believe that! Also, I can't believe it's been that long since I've updated LJ. Of course, I say that every time! In addition to that, with the company I freelance with, I've been offered the position I have always wanted to try my luck at, which is in turn offering me the "Out" I've been searching for for a while now. Timing of it isn't great- We have just bought a house, decided to settle in the UK, Kim has just gone back to work off of maternity leave, I had just decided to slowly adjust my path in order to teach, and now the job offers a new life in the USA... But I can't not see that as a #FirstWorldProblem, so I shouldn't complain.
The new Job is great thus far. I will not go too much into emotion/descriptive events/slander/praise here though, as tempting as it is, as I still have a very valid fear/awareness of the publicness of the internet. Who knows who could stumble upon this. I will say however, I have been learning a lot about myself since I started this job, some good, some not so good; But most importantly, I've learned that this is the kind of responsibility I have always wanted in a job, although the responsibility is terrifying. I have never cared as much for a company before starting this job, present employer included. Which adds truth to the value of incentiving your employees and making them feel that the companies success actually does translate to your individual success. I don't think i've really ever had that. Its slightly like that in theatre, where the more tix sold for the production the more profit-share, although my role as a LD in a stage production doesn't really hold any reigns except as an accessory; Especially at the level I have been working at- a good lighting design can help, but no one is really buying tickets because of the Lighting Designer. Maybe that is not the attitude to have, but it is the truth. Perhaps that was the main reason I switched to a Directing path to begin with? If my success depends on something, I'd like to have some sort of controlling position in it; I know my work ethic, motivations, and drive, so really, I am the only person I could trust. I've always had a hint of Narcism about me! The fear is not knowing whether or not I can pull off what I set out to, but I know that I will try my hardest not to fail me.
What is scary is that, I have a family now, and I want to make sure I can also be there for them. A lot of fathers screw up their daughters unconciously, and I def do not want to be that guy. I want all the best for Viola, and its nice to be in a work position where I could possibly provide that. I want her generation of Bembury's to be the best yet; highly educated, free thinkers, aware, and equipped to navigate this terrible world better than anyone. How I pass that on, I have no idea.. Hopefully, she will get that naturally from Kim & I, and is able to take it to the next level. The further i fall into these thoughts, the more conservative idealogies are sneaking into my head. I hate politics because they force you to choose where you stand, all or nothing. To be Republican/Tory is to be Gun-crazed, homophobic, patriotic, wealthy people. To be a Democrat/Liberal is to surender to the all knowing government, and loosen up drug-laws, etc. And, people are mindless when it comes to voting, they vote the party they have always voted for... Sigh, somehow this post is becoming political, and that was not my intent. so i will stop here.