(no subject)
I'm in desperate need for an out. The marriage is great, the fact that I'm having a baby is great, my friends and family are great, everything else is balls... Everyday I flick through my emails, eagerly answer my phones, watch the news, speak to the universe, all in hoping for an escape; A reason to escape. Any reason to escape... A new Job in the UAE, a free house in Bangladesh, a struggling friend needing house mates in Oklahoma, anything to get away from...
get away from...
I don't even know what I'm trying to get away from to be honest; The world is such a depressing place right now, and I just want to be in a place that is less depressing I suppose. When we accidentally went to Newark airport instead of JFK airport this thanksgiving break, I very very nearly just stayed in America. Not that America would be any better than England, but America is at least different from my life right now. As I type this, I am sat at work feeling undervalued in order to pay for ludicrous loans for the degree I don't use. Afterwards, I'll head to the flat I'm not happy in, in the car that was more money than it was worth listening to the radio talk about some psycho who killed 8 children down-under or another policeman that got off after killing some poor unarmed black guy... Boy oh boy do I wish there was a reset button. More than ever I think. I'll go to Rutgers or something; Study Biology or something practical like Engineering; Maybe move to Bali or somewhere exotic and just live a peaceful life - a life away from an English newspaper or anything.
How can I logically and realistic reset everything? I have already deleted mostly everything off my resume. Job wise, I have done nothing with my life. On paper... Except, now, it appears I have no experience in anything... Therefore, now I cannot get a new job that I can pay my loans with. Only entry level jobs. What happens if I don't pay my loans!
get away from...
I don't even know what I'm trying to get away from to be honest; The world is such a depressing place right now, and I just want to be in a place that is less depressing I suppose. When we accidentally went to Newark airport instead of JFK airport this thanksgiving break, I very very nearly just stayed in America. Not that America would be any better than England, but America is at least different from my life right now. As I type this, I am sat at work feeling undervalued in order to pay for ludicrous loans for the degree I don't use. Afterwards, I'll head to the flat I'm not happy in, in the car that was more money than it was worth listening to the radio talk about some psycho who killed 8 children down-under or another policeman that got off after killing some poor unarmed black guy... Boy oh boy do I wish there was a reset button. More than ever I think. I'll go to Rutgers or something; Study Biology or something practical like Engineering; Maybe move to Bali or somewhere exotic and just live a peaceful life - a life away from an English newspaper or anything.
How can I logically and realistic reset everything? I have already deleted mostly everything off my resume. Job wise, I have done nothing with my life. On paper... Except, now, it appears I have no experience in anything... Therefore, now I cannot get a new job that I can pay my loans with. Only entry level jobs. What happens if I don't pay my loans!