(no subject)
As fate(?) would have it, I didn't get kicked out of the UK. In fact, I have been given provisional leave to remain as a married spouse. Hurray... If you sensed the sarcasm in that hurray, 1. you are very good as sensing sarcasm through words and 2. You'd be spot on. Like I said in the previous post, its good that I can stay for a little while longer, but its also bad because I REALLY don't want to be here anymore. I read an article that said that if an international relationship fails, 75% of the time is because the one who had to make the compromise can't help but to think about what was left behind in his/her home country. I really don't want that to happen to Kim and I, but its good to be aware of this to be able to fight it. And when we move to America, i'll need to make her aware of this reason so we can continue to fight it together. I don't know what would inevitably solve this issue, perhaps moving to a place that is unfamiliar to both of us? I'm sure we'll get through this; but in the meantime I'm having my annual feelings of WTF am I doing in this life. And it really has been an annual thing I think. Every year since graduation of Highschool, I have thoughts of not wanting to do what I wanted to do. First I decided not to be a director and do lighting; Then i decided not to do lighting but do film; then it was don't do film do lighting; then it was don't do lighting design do tech work, thn don't do tech do architectural lighting; then it was don't do architectual lighting do theatre; then it was don't do theatre lighting do teaching; then it was don't teach do directing; then it was don't direct do architectural lighting; then it was don't do architecture do concert and party lighting; then it was don't do concert and parties do architecture; Now I'm thinking why the hell do I keep coming back to architecture when I dislike it so much? I honestly don't know where to go from here though. Because of all the change of minds, I've got a fcuking expensive student loan and large credit card bills when a number of my friends just have large bank accounts and normal student loans. I really need to get it together, i'm a wreck-