Drabble #3
...And this one is almost twice the length of the last one! Suck it, writer's block!
For some reason I can only write in first person, apparently.
“Man, If I had known she was a vampire, I wouldn't have eaten Italian before coming to pick her up. She's gonna be pissed when she reincorporates, isn't she?” --Will Black, second year Applied Magic major
I woke up to my phone blaring out 'Tocatta and Fugue'
I groggily fumbled on my bedside table and flipped it open.
“You better be dead, it's three in the morning, dude.”
…
“Did he go quietly?”
…
“Color me unsurprised. D'you need a ride?”
…
“Man, Natalya is here! Why don't you get Kevin to help?”
…
“Fine, fine. You know she wipes me out every time she visits, right?”
…
“Whatever. Be there in a few.”
I flipped the phone closed and closed my eyes. I cursed under my breath and stumbled out of bed. After fumbling around in the dark, I managed to find my pants and shoes. Moving into the small living room, I saw Natalya was watching some Dracula movie on AMC. She was laughing.
“I thought stuff like that was insensitive, or whatever.” I said, pulling on my shoes. She looked back over the couch at me, smiling. “It is, but it's funny too. Kinda like Blazing Saddles.” She had a Welches jam jar in her hand, almost full of blood.
“Whatever happened to drinking from a wine glass?”
“You don't have any. A girl has to improvise sometimes. Where you headed?”
“Jared called, he got stuck on runner duty and needs a hand with a body.”
She rolled her eyes. Jared and Nat didn't like each other, mostly because Jared had an irrational hatred of the undead, and Nat had an irrational hatred for smartasses with access to holy water. At least they weren't actively trying to murder one another anymore.
“I'll never understand why you hang out with him. You know he tried to stake me last week. 'Camping mishap' my ass. “
I dug out the garbage bags from the cupboard, walked over to the couch and gave her a kiss. I could still taste my blood on her lips.
“I'll be back in about an hour, alright?”
“Have fun burying bodies.” she said as I walked through the kitchen to the door. I grabbed my staff from the umbrella stand.
“Love you too, dearheart.” I called as I stepped into the night.
I pulled up in my battered pickup just outside the hospital loading dock. Jared was already there, his white lab coat splattered with blood. He was smoking a cigarette and looking nonchalant.
“Did you bring the machete? I don't wanna have to find a bonesaw at three thirty in the morning.” he said, snuffing out his cigarette and picking up his baseball bat. “Again.”
“I brought my staff, I'll just disintegrate the body and dump the ashes in the trash.”
“Dude, you can't just vaporize a body like that, it's disrespectful. At least dump the ashes in the furnace.”
“What is it with you and dumping things in the furnace? Revenant running around? Furnace. Ghosts trying to sell you Amway? Furnace. Too lazy to find a recycling bin? Furnace.”
“You chase enough corpses across campus with a baseball bat, and you start appreciating a good furnace. Just throw them in, and sweet cleansing fire handles the rest.”
“Until the spiritual residue from all those dead people permeates the furnace and it starts spewing out fire elementals. Or did you forget last valentines day?”
“Neither you or the Society can prove that was me.”
For some reason I can only write in first person, apparently.
“Man, If I had known she was a vampire, I wouldn't have eaten Italian before coming to pick her up. She's gonna be pissed when she reincorporates, isn't she?” --Will Black, second year Applied Magic major
I woke up to my phone blaring out 'Tocatta and Fugue'
I groggily fumbled on my bedside table and flipped it open.
“You better be dead, it's three in the morning, dude.”
…
“Did he go quietly?”
…
“Color me unsurprised. D'you need a ride?”
…
“Man, Natalya is here! Why don't you get Kevin to help?”
…
“Fine, fine. You know she wipes me out every time she visits, right?”
…
“Whatever. Be there in a few.”
I flipped the phone closed and closed my eyes. I cursed under my breath and stumbled out of bed. After fumbling around in the dark, I managed to find my pants and shoes. Moving into the small living room, I saw Natalya was watching some Dracula movie on AMC. She was laughing.
“I thought stuff like that was insensitive, or whatever.” I said, pulling on my shoes. She looked back over the couch at me, smiling. “It is, but it's funny too. Kinda like Blazing Saddles.” She had a Welches jam jar in her hand, almost full of blood.
“Whatever happened to drinking from a wine glass?”
“You don't have any. A girl has to improvise sometimes. Where you headed?”
“Jared called, he got stuck on runner duty and needs a hand with a body.”
She rolled her eyes. Jared and Nat didn't like each other, mostly because Jared had an irrational hatred of the undead, and Nat had an irrational hatred for smartasses with access to holy water. At least they weren't actively trying to murder one another anymore.
“I'll never understand why you hang out with him. You know he tried to stake me last week. 'Camping mishap' my ass. “
I dug out the garbage bags from the cupboard, walked over to the couch and gave her a kiss. I could still taste my blood on her lips.
“I'll be back in about an hour, alright?”
“Have fun burying bodies.” she said as I walked through the kitchen to the door. I grabbed my staff from the umbrella stand.
“Love you too, dearheart.” I called as I stepped into the night.
I pulled up in my battered pickup just outside the hospital loading dock. Jared was already there, his white lab coat splattered with blood. He was smoking a cigarette and looking nonchalant.
“Did you bring the machete? I don't wanna have to find a bonesaw at three thirty in the morning.” he said, snuffing out his cigarette and picking up his baseball bat. “Again.”
“I brought my staff, I'll just disintegrate the body and dump the ashes in the trash.”
“Dude, you can't just vaporize a body like that, it's disrespectful. At least dump the ashes in the furnace.”
“What is it with you and dumping things in the furnace? Revenant running around? Furnace. Ghosts trying to sell you Amway? Furnace. Too lazy to find a recycling bin? Furnace.”
“You chase enough corpses across campus with a baseball bat, and you start appreciating a good furnace. Just throw them in, and sweet cleansing fire handles the rest.”
“Until the spiritual residue from all those dead people permeates the furnace and it starts spewing out fire elementals. Or did you forget last valentines day?”
“Neither you or the Society can prove that was me.”