Silly Silly Spain.
Oh Spain. I don't know what to think of this country anymore. It's really quite a silly country. Where else do they siesta for the afternoon, eat dinner at 10PM and go to the club at 1AM? Who else has after club hours at 6AM? Here is where university is a joke, and going to class seems to be optional at best. In a country where they don't believe on being on time for anything or really being too bothered by much at all, and the sun is supposed to be always shining. The pace of life is 100 times slower than I've ever traveled and my God is it hard to slow down like this.
I came expecting I don't know what...except I knew that it would be the best time of my life. I did not expect to barely be functioning, to be kicking and screaming to want to leave, to cry more than I have ever cried in my life. Today isn't one of those days, and it's been a full week since I've seen one of them, but I've learned that means nothing about tomorrow, nothing about this afternoon. The sun is shining and that certainly helps.
I've learned that sometimes the "biggest mistake of your life" actually proves to be one of the best things you were able to do for yourself. There are unexpected life lessons hiding pretty much everywhere.
I'm so excited for the rest of my life. I have so many goals, so many plans, so much in my future. I'm trying so hard to take a step back and get perspective here. To just lay low for a few months. I've been fighting that so much - it's so hard for me...but it's starting to get a little easier. I only feel a little guilty for lying in bed at 11AM on a random Thursday. I know that this isn't permanent...I've been here 2 months...I have 3 to go. I can do this and eventually I'm going to be really accustomed to this and everything is going to be okay, good even. And maybe it will even be hard to leave. But that's what this experience is about.
I'm taking so many valuable lessons back to the US with me, and I think that this is really shaping me. I'm becoming so much more confident. Like before, I've always known what I wanted but I was afraid other people wouldn't approve and I would try to hide my confidence. I just want to put myself out there more and say how I feel and have that confidence (or weakness as it sometimes is) in front of others. I have to trust that my friends and family love me for all I am, imperfections and all. I'm the only person who expects me to be perfect and that is a ridiculous expectation.
Last semester I thought that I needed to do something just for me and not care what anyone else thought, and so I did it. But I didn't tell people because I didn't want to be judged. And when everyone found out and didn't judge me, I felt stronger than I've ever felt in my life. I need to work on accepting myself and who I am...because everyone important to me already does..and those who don't, don't matter.
I read an old entry that was in Spanish, and I see how much my Spanish has improved in just a few months. That's encouraging. I feel like I'm taking full advantage of this study abroad experience to meet my own needs. And those needs aren't partying every night and traveling the world...they're breathing and thinking, and not thinking, and accepting me. This semester is so all about me in everyway. I'm only doing what me, myself and I want. I can't expect to share myself or love someone else if I can't even get a grasp of who I am or accept and love myself as I am.
And I pray that when this is all said and done, that the rest of my life continues falling into place as perfectly as it has been and I get keep getting stronger and wiser and becoming a better person.
That's all for now.
Always. <3
I came expecting I don't know what...except I knew that it would be the best time of my life. I did not expect to barely be functioning, to be kicking and screaming to want to leave, to cry more than I have ever cried in my life. Today isn't one of those days, and it's been a full week since I've seen one of them, but I've learned that means nothing about tomorrow, nothing about this afternoon. The sun is shining and that certainly helps.
I've learned that sometimes the "biggest mistake of your life" actually proves to be one of the best things you were able to do for yourself. There are unexpected life lessons hiding pretty much everywhere.
I'm so excited for the rest of my life. I have so many goals, so many plans, so much in my future. I'm trying so hard to take a step back and get perspective here. To just lay low for a few months. I've been fighting that so much - it's so hard for me...but it's starting to get a little easier. I only feel a little guilty for lying in bed at 11AM on a random Thursday. I know that this isn't permanent...I've been here 2 months...I have 3 to go. I can do this and eventually I'm going to be really accustomed to this and everything is going to be okay, good even. And maybe it will even be hard to leave. But that's what this experience is about.
I'm taking so many valuable lessons back to the US with me, and I think that this is really shaping me. I'm becoming so much more confident. Like before, I've always known what I wanted but I was afraid other people wouldn't approve and I would try to hide my confidence. I just want to put myself out there more and say how I feel and have that confidence (or weakness as it sometimes is) in front of others. I have to trust that my friends and family love me for all I am, imperfections and all. I'm the only person who expects me to be perfect and that is a ridiculous expectation.
Last semester I thought that I needed to do something just for me and not care what anyone else thought, and so I did it. But I didn't tell people because I didn't want to be judged. And when everyone found out and didn't judge me, I felt stronger than I've ever felt in my life. I need to work on accepting myself and who I am...because everyone important to me already does..and those who don't, don't matter.
I read an old entry that was in Spanish, and I see how much my Spanish has improved in just a few months. That's encouraging. I feel like I'm taking full advantage of this study abroad experience to meet my own needs. And those needs aren't partying every night and traveling the world...they're breathing and thinking, and not thinking, and accepting me. This semester is so all about me in everyway. I'm only doing what me, myself and I want. I can't expect to share myself or love someone else if I can't even get a grasp of who I am or accept and love myself as I am.
And I pray that when this is all said and done, that the rest of my life continues falling into place as perfectly as it has been and I get keep getting stronger and wiser and becoming a better person.
That's all for now.
Always. <3