Paradox -> Paradigm and Bowling excitement!~
Brendon came to visit (which was cool and differenter than ever) as well as Josh's friends Jason and Brad (concert kids by look) while krystalynn bailed on us, apparently to (drunkenly?) attempt to make out with atom, who also bailed on us to apparently reject her advances? i think. So we 7 went crazy bowling last night and played like 5 or 7 games(!). I did exceptional to my surprise, with strikes galore, and even breaking 100 (i meant exceptional for ME). I danced a lot to that awful music ("my lovely lady trumpy, frumpy, gumpy, dumpy, sumpy pumpy"), laughed me 'ead off, jumped to high and said/acted out things like "shoot the horns" "The POWER, The FURY", "PULL it OFF" "PUNK ROCK :D" and "neineineineinein". Of the 4 people of our group that slipped and fell on the lanes, brendons was by far the coolest, although Josh's was classicly fitting. Did I mention that I love my goodgoodgoodgoodgoodgoodgoodgood sister triina forever? I do. Later (1:30am) we went to crows nest and ate some goodies and I saw a girl with a cool coat who may have been attractive or it was just her stylish coat that did it for her for me (apparently josh sort of knew her). Later still we ate delicious cookies at Triinas and came back to our appartment to remenecesses (remember) the ol' days and my dads family (?) until 5am.
So today I would like to describe a different way of thinking that I noticed, not necessarily one I adopt. I stum-bumbled upon it when thinking naively about the crazy possibilities for my future and how I would be so happy, but wondering about the shadow of doubt inherent in a lifestyle that neither saves money aside, nor allows for drawing a retirement. But then I thought, "What are you thinking! You'll be taken care of. It will work out one way or another: even if I am left suffering with bad health or and early death or a painful 10 years of poverty at the end, would it not be worth giving my life and doing it with integrity?" Then i thought about that funny alternative way of looking at things.
Here's my alternative way of seeing things for today:
Living life is literally a daily choice and affirmation to eventually die.
In other words, each day you choose to live (eat, sleep, not commit suicide) you are choosing to later have that moment of dying. True, the alternative is sooner instead of later (which isn't really all that later, anyway), but by choosing sooner, you would make the choice only once. Instead, we decide each die that we want to die "one day" (instead of right now); the emphasis being on the choice to die. Interesting.
Of course I quickly drew parallels on a spiritual level; "to live is christ, to die is gain", Spiritual death and literal death, ect. But maybe in a small way, realizing that I am constantly making the choice to die one day anyway makes it easier to daily choose to lose my life and gain it; to not love it and put my treasure where I want my heart to be. Dead but not dying. Dying but already dead. Aren't contradictions fun?
*you know, the word easier makes it sound like kind of a cop-out. But what I guess I actually mean is that it makes me see that the harder path is the easier one. Possibly experiencing crazy trials and knowing the burden is light. Gotta love a paradox.
PS- will you, sweet reader, pray for the families of three of my friends? (just do it right now, it'll only take a minute) suicidal tendencies, terminal cancer, and risky opperations are uncool for those involved. thanks
So today I would like to describe a different way of thinking that I noticed, not necessarily one I adopt. I stum-bumbled upon it when thinking naively about the crazy possibilities for my future and how I would be so happy, but wondering about the shadow of doubt inherent in a lifestyle that neither saves money aside, nor allows for drawing a retirement. But then I thought, "What are you thinking! You'll be taken care of. It will work out one way or another: even if I am left suffering with bad health or and early death or a painful 10 years of poverty at the end, would it not be worth giving my life and doing it with integrity?" Then i thought about that funny alternative way of looking at things.
Here's my alternative way of seeing things for today:
Living life is literally a daily choice and affirmation to eventually die.
In other words, each day you choose to live (eat, sleep, not commit suicide) you are choosing to later have that moment of dying. True, the alternative is sooner instead of later (which isn't really all that later, anyway), but by choosing sooner, you would make the choice only once. Instead, we decide each die that we want to die "one day" (instead of right now); the emphasis being on the choice to die. Interesting.
Of course I quickly drew parallels on a spiritual level; "to live is christ, to die is gain", Spiritual death and literal death, ect. But maybe in a small way, realizing that I am constantly making the choice to die one day anyway makes it easier to daily choose to lose my life and gain it; to not love it and put my treasure where I want my heart to be. Dead but not dying. Dying but already dead. Aren't contradictions fun?
*you know, the word easier makes it sound like kind of a cop-out. But what I guess I actually mean is that it makes me see that the harder path is the easier one. Possibly experiencing crazy trials and knowing the burden is light. Gotta love a paradox.
PS- will you, sweet reader, pray for the families of three of my friends? (just do it right now, it'll only take a minute) suicidal tendencies, terminal cancer, and risky opperations are uncool for those involved. thanks