(no subject)
I've been seeing this little bird quite often when I go outside. OK, yes, I am bird obsessed. I admitted as such yesterday.
I slept extremely well again last night. Its been really so obvious to me just how different I am when I do not have proper sleep. I wasn't so much cranky this time, but I was all racy and in a kind of unpleasant way. Yesterday and today I have this really great sense of well being.
I have been exploring sitar music lately. Its pretty great stuff. Chris and I are reading Kieth Richards book and he talks a little about the sitar so I got curious and decided to check it out a little more extensivly than I have in the past. Its pretty awesome.
I am reading a book called The Good Psychologist by Noam Shpancer. Last night I read
'Let's focus on your thinking style, he tells the four o'clock client. Our thoughts translate external events into internal meaning. If the translation is awkward or distorted, then we get confusion and error. Thoughts are like viruses. We all learn the importance of physical hygiene in protecting out bodies. You know that it is important to wash your hands, cover your mouth when you cough, brush your teeth. But no one teaches you mental hygiene. The problem is that an incorrect thought, if it enters your mind, is like a virus that has entered your blood. It can cause pain, suffering, and death. Suppose you are at home by yourself in bed on a winter night and suddenly you hear a loud thud outside your window. That's an event. How will you react? Well, that will depend on what you tell yourself about the noise. If you tell yourself, its just snow falling from the roof, then you will turn and fall back to sleep untroubled. But if you think, there's a burglar at my window, trying to break in, then fear and panic will set in, and you'll reach for the phone, or for your gun.'
'The thoughts you settle on will determine how you will feel and what you will do. That's why its important to shop around before buying.
Shop around?
Yes, I want you to reguard the process of choosing your thoughts like you reguard the process of choosing a new pair of shoes. You like shoes, don't you?
You've noticed.
Yes. When you enter a shoe store, do you buy the first pair you see?
No.
Right. What's first is not necessarily what's best. Same thing with your thoughts. The first thought that comes to your mind is just that, first. It is not necessarily the right one for you. So, how do you decide which shoes to buy?
I walk around the store and compare.
You compare, based on what?
The brand, the size, the fit, the style, the price.
Correct. You look for evidence, information that helps you decide consciouly which shoe is best for you.
Yes.
You must use the same method to choose your thoughts. Your brain is a thought store. Every time you feel anxious or down, the feeling stems from a thought that you have bought. An ill-fitting thought, like an ill-fitting shoe, will hurt you. that's why you need to monitor your thoughts, your interpretation of events.
You want me to think about my own thoughts?
Exactly.
That's hard...
Living like you do now, in fear and suffering, is also hard. The choice in this life is not between easy and hard, but between kinds of hardship, between a hardship that gives birth to wisdom, compassion and mercy, and the hardship that keeps on replication itself to no end.
I thought you psychologists were in the business of promoting positive thinking.
We are in the business of promoting accurate thinking. You thining habits are like your posture habits. If you sat in front of the computer for hours with a hunched back, at some point you will begin to feel a backache. To get rid of it, you will have to learn to sit up straight, with good posture. Incorrect thinking habits can cause mental pain and therefore need to be changed. Accurate thinking is a habit you can develop, but only through daily practice.'
This struck me as a perfect way to explain what I do each and every day. I monitor my thinking. I shop around for my thoughts. I try to replace incorrect thinking with accurate thinking. I think this is something all people who are trying to overcome or live with a mental illness need to understand. We have the power to change our thoughts. We do not have to buy the voice on the tape that plays in our head telling us that we are worthless, or not good enough, or whatever lie it repeats over and over like a hurtful mantra. And I do acknowledge that this is no easy feat. Trust me, I get that. I have daily thought wars, too, even at this point in recovery. Recovery, I have found is not really a destination. Its a continuous process and we need to be vigilant during the journey. And I know also that this is not always a "fun" thing to do. But it is a big reward if you persist. It is a discipline you certainly can develop. I am at the point where this type of "choosing my thoughts" is an immediate response. And sometimes I still do choose the wrong thought. I buy it. Mistakes will happen. But they at least are things that I am aware of. Things that I know may leak poison.
I don't know if this all makes sense to folks. I hope it does. I feel its valuable knowledge and I hope it benefits someone out there by my sharing it.
Disclaimer:
I know that this is not a black and white matter. I understand that there are folks struggling with an illness that is a thousand times worse than mine. I do not mean to sound callous, or as if I have all the answers. I just wanted to share with you all what has worked for me. What has been valuable in my life. I do believe that we all have to decide not to be victims in order to begin the journey towards managing our illness.
I was fortunate that the events that propelled me on my journey to recovery happened. It was a horrible month that I would not wish on my worst enemy....it was as if all these huge forces gathered and fell on my head with such force that I had to open my eyes and really see. I decided that I did not want to be a victim anymore. Because that is how I operated for a very long time. It was through this decision that I began to operate as if I were not a victim. I did not believe it for a long time, but something really wonderful happened. One day I just knew I was not a victim anymore. I fully accepted resposibility for my own self. My own mental health. It was an empowering day. That is all I want to try to do: empower anyone who may need it.
I slept extremely well again last night. Its been really so obvious to me just how different I am when I do not have proper sleep. I wasn't so much cranky this time, but I was all racy and in a kind of unpleasant way. Yesterday and today I have this really great sense of well being.
I have been exploring sitar music lately. Its pretty great stuff. Chris and I are reading Kieth Richards book and he talks a little about the sitar so I got curious and decided to check it out a little more extensivly than I have in the past. Its pretty awesome.
I am reading a book called The Good Psychologist by Noam Shpancer. Last night I read
'Let's focus on your thinking style, he tells the four o'clock client. Our thoughts translate external events into internal meaning. If the translation is awkward or distorted, then we get confusion and error. Thoughts are like viruses. We all learn the importance of physical hygiene in protecting out bodies. You know that it is important to wash your hands, cover your mouth when you cough, brush your teeth. But no one teaches you mental hygiene. The problem is that an incorrect thought, if it enters your mind, is like a virus that has entered your blood. It can cause pain, suffering, and death. Suppose you are at home by yourself in bed on a winter night and suddenly you hear a loud thud outside your window. That's an event. How will you react? Well, that will depend on what you tell yourself about the noise. If you tell yourself, its just snow falling from the roof, then you will turn and fall back to sleep untroubled. But if you think, there's a burglar at my window, trying to break in, then fear and panic will set in, and you'll reach for the phone, or for your gun.'
'The thoughts you settle on will determine how you will feel and what you will do. That's why its important to shop around before buying.
Shop around?
Yes, I want you to reguard the process of choosing your thoughts like you reguard the process of choosing a new pair of shoes. You like shoes, don't you?
You've noticed.
Yes. When you enter a shoe store, do you buy the first pair you see?
No.
Right. What's first is not necessarily what's best. Same thing with your thoughts. The first thought that comes to your mind is just that, first. It is not necessarily the right one for you. So, how do you decide which shoes to buy?
I walk around the store and compare.
You compare, based on what?
The brand, the size, the fit, the style, the price.
Correct. You look for evidence, information that helps you decide consciouly which shoe is best for you.
Yes.
You must use the same method to choose your thoughts. Your brain is a thought store. Every time you feel anxious or down, the feeling stems from a thought that you have bought. An ill-fitting thought, like an ill-fitting shoe, will hurt you. that's why you need to monitor your thoughts, your interpretation of events.
You want me to think about my own thoughts?
Exactly.
That's hard...
Living like you do now, in fear and suffering, is also hard. The choice in this life is not between easy and hard, but between kinds of hardship, between a hardship that gives birth to wisdom, compassion and mercy, and the hardship that keeps on replication itself to no end.
I thought you psychologists were in the business of promoting positive thinking.
We are in the business of promoting accurate thinking. You thining habits are like your posture habits. If you sat in front of the computer for hours with a hunched back, at some point you will begin to feel a backache. To get rid of it, you will have to learn to sit up straight, with good posture. Incorrect thinking habits can cause mental pain and therefore need to be changed. Accurate thinking is a habit you can develop, but only through daily practice.'
This struck me as a perfect way to explain what I do each and every day. I monitor my thinking. I shop around for my thoughts. I try to replace incorrect thinking with accurate thinking. I think this is something all people who are trying to overcome or live with a mental illness need to understand. We have the power to change our thoughts. We do not have to buy the voice on the tape that plays in our head telling us that we are worthless, or not good enough, or whatever lie it repeats over and over like a hurtful mantra. And I do acknowledge that this is no easy feat. Trust me, I get that. I have daily thought wars, too, even at this point in recovery. Recovery, I have found is not really a destination. Its a continuous process and we need to be vigilant during the journey. And I know also that this is not always a "fun" thing to do. But it is a big reward if you persist. It is a discipline you certainly can develop. I am at the point where this type of "choosing my thoughts" is an immediate response. And sometimes I still do choose the wrong thought. I buy it. Mistakes will happen. But they at least are things that I am aware of. Things that I know may leak poison.
I don't know if this all makes sense to folks. I hope it does. I feel its valuable knowledge and I hope it benefits someone out there by my sharing it.
Disclaimer:
I know that this is not a black and white matter. I understand that there are folks struggling with an illness that is a thousand times worse than mine. I do not mean to sound callous, or as if I have all the answers. I just wanted to share with you all what has worked for me. What has been valuable in my life. I do believe that we all have to decide not to be victims in order to begin the journey towards managing our illness.
I was fortunate that the events that propelled me on my journey to recovery happened. It was a horrible month that I would not wish on my worst enemy....it was as if all these huge forces gathered and fell on my head with such force that I had to open my eyes and really see. I decided that I did not want to be a victim anymore. Because that is how I operated for a very long time. It was through this decision that I began to operate as if I were not a victim. I did not believe it for a long time, but something really wonderful happened. One day I just knew I was not a victim anymore. I fully accepted resposibility for my own self. My own mental health. It was an empowering day. That is all I want to try to do: empower anyone who may need it.