(no subject)
There are no words to describe how unhappy I am. I wonder every day why I left Phoenix. I have really awesome friends here that mean alot to me...but there's nothing for me other than friends. Jobs suck, things to do suck, fucking...girls suck. I've been single for 5 months...and by GOD it's for a reason. I'm so sick of all this drama bullshit. There's always something. They are with someone, they just got out of a relationship and they aren't over the person, they just want to fuck, it's always something. What happened to love? I mean...really. Is it just this generation? I'm NOTHING more than honest to everyone I've been around. And people seem to be honest with me...but it always bites me in the ass. If I can't find love...I will seriously be single until I can find it. I want someone I can be entirely happy with, just watching movies together and cuddling, or walking downtown together, hearing their voice...and it making my day. I mean, I don't need a goddamn sugar mama, just someone that cares about me and wants to be with me for ALL of me. It seems the only way I can attract people is by looks. No one sees me for me, and it's partially my fault. If I start trying to talk to a girl right when I meet her, I'm extremely shy. I need things slow..and either they can't handle it slow...or I'm too scared to lose them if I go to slow(which is sad but whatever). I used to want to be with someone constantly, but now, if they can't be all of it..I don't want them. I don't care about pasts...I care about here and now. I am here. I am looking for you, just take me. Is it that difficult to put your all into something? I've had SO many people flirting with me and trying to get with me...but it's not enough. Can you define love...do you know what it is? Are you willing to know what it is? If not...get the fuck out of my life. GOD! Like...I'm pissed at this point. And it's no one in particular...it's everyone..it's people I haven't even met yet. I feel like shit every day. I feel like I'll never be good enough...but I know I am. They say when you stop looking for love...it will find you. I'm getting to the point where if someone did find me...I'd probably automatically think they were lying about everything...and I would turn them away. asdflksadfkjhlasdf;lkjsdhf FUCK! Just BE HONEST! Save both of us some heartache. My hearts been broken too dramatically and too many times to deal with another one. People wonder why I'm so close to my friends and why I am the way that I am. I know that I can go to Erika's house...and have her hold me and fucking cry my eyes out and it would make me feel tons better. Friends take up alot of what a girlfriend would for me...but there's a line. And btw...thank you to all the friends who are there for me. What the hell would I do without you? You guys are my backbone. Sorry...will end this bitchy post.