im not sayin its bad...
just confusing. i love it here. but i hate it. i want to go back. but keep goign foward. i have boys here. i had boys there. i need a man. i want my friends ive always had...by my side all the time. i wish i had more calls. i wish i had more attention. i got s job offer in charleston. i applied. we'll see if i get it. then i'll be back. maybe, but prolly not. i also got an offer from a place in new orleans. i applied. i might get that. but a new place again? new friends? again? newlloves again? i dontknow if i can deal with that, again. thank god for britney. she is sheltering me here. i finally got a handout, one that i've given....and now gotten back. i need to grow up. i have been but i need to, moreso than ever. i want a job that can change the world, not only my life. i want a life that involves more than going to work during the week and going out on the weekends. i wish i had the capacity to make all the right decisions so i could reap the rewards, fruitfully. not live my life decision by random decision, fruitlessly.