Bulletborn, Chapter Three
BULLETBORN; R
Chapter Three
-
It takes a minute to register what Siwon has said, only because I almost lose grip of the gun and worry that the stranger, no brother? might snatch the gun out of my shaky hand before I gather my senses and keep the gun pointed at his head.
“Gun down. Now.” Siwon barks at me this time and moves forward, until he’s standing right between us. It doesn’t matter much, I had lost the will to actually pull the trigger the moment Siwon came into view, but he cautiously helps the other man up, eyeing him wildly and making sure it’s his brother I can only guess. But the younger man lifts his cap a tinge and his eyes bear the same resemblance, bold and round and even underneath all that grime and sweat I can see the same fine bone structure. He looks down at his sweater, a gaping hole through the side, where I can only imagine the bullet had just narrowly missed him. He loops a finger through the hole, and gives me a vicious stare.
“You have terrible aim.”
It takes me all my patience not to fumble over and beat him to a pulp but Siwon intervenes, sizing up his brother, taking him by the neck rough yet caring, patting him down and making sure there isn’t a broken bone on his body. Aside from the obvious wounds, he seems fine but Siwon still keeps him in a chokehold, eyes wide and justified.
“Minho-yah, what the fuck are you doing here?”
“I kept following the trail - she was supposed to be inside and they kidnapped me and used me as a decoy when I got near but I was able to escape right before that girl found me -”
“You shouldn’t be here! You should have just let that go-”
“I couldn’t hyung! I was here for you, I think they have her, I just lost the trail-”
“It’s dangerous, Minho, stop it -”
“I won’t-”
“You will listen to m-”
“Someone’s coming.” I hate to break the reunion short but there’s a murmur in the puddles on the street, which I can only take to mean that either someone is walking our way or driving and we only have moments to spare.
“You’re coming with us.” Siwon says and Minho puts up an immediate fight, trying to get out of his brother’s hold - I can see how strong he is, but his energy is far more depleted than Siwon’s, probably from a lack of good sleep and food. He finally gives in to Siwon’s shoving and we get to the car in the nick of time as five Hummers pine the street where we had just been standing. Siwon makes the three of us crouch behind the car for an hour before he finally decides it’s safe to get in and bail out of the ditch we had parked before looking at us both with an odd expression.
“What?” I say and turn around, scared that there’s a dark and looming monster over our shoulders. But there is nothing, of course.
“You’re going to have to sit on his lap.”
-
The car ride is more awkward than I expect with no radio on to distract as a background filter and nothing but tumbleweeds to keep my attention on the passing roads. I anticipate the boys catching up with their lives, wondering how long it’s been since they’ve seen each other last, and of course they have to miss each other despite the anger, but nope, they remain mostly silent with Siwon honing in on the road in front and Minho finding the tumbleweeds a great sight to see. Perhaps it’s because I’m there that they don’t want to say anything and remain cautious, but this offends me so and I soon turn into a bitter mood, resenting the feeling of being an outcast because of this ‘Minho.’
At first I try not to move, awkwardly climbing onto his lap in the cramped two seat Porsche Siwon had nicked a week ago, and I try to sit with formality as much as possible. A part of me yearns to ask Siwon if we can just shuck his brother into the trunk because this is supposed to be our adventure, not his, but something tells me this idea will not go over with Siwon well so my lips remain zipped. After hours upon hours of endless quiet and tension, my resentment towards Minho grows at the expense of my comfort and I begin to shift as obnoxiously but subtly as I can without Siwon noticing. He does little to notice anything but the road though so I wait for Minho’s response instead, waiting for him to push me off or move over in the seat but he does nothing, just keeps his arms crossed behind me and doesn’t seem to even acknowledge that I am squirming myself over his crotch and thighs with pure malice. I try this for the remainder of the night until the sky catches a glimpse of light when I finally give up and let sleep take over me, my head lulling hopelessly onto one of his glooming shoulders below me, but I am too tired to care or move.
We stop at a gas station when the sun starts to come up and Siwon taps me softly until I come to. He taps Minho and I see that he has also dozed off beneath me, looking around with a face of discomfort. Siwon gives us a new particular frown before getting out of the car, leaving me alone with the forlorn freak. I wonder if I’m supposed to move into the empty seat or stay still and I wait for Minho to give me some sort of signal or direction but he stays as frigid as ever, only stretching his arms behind his seat for activity.
I decide to squirm again, grinding myself between his thighs with much force. No reaction.
“What, no boner?” I ask, almost smiling at myself in the rearview mirror. It is a strange sight to be see. My almost smile fades as quickly as it comes though, as I see him yawn for a reply through the mirror.
“Nah,” he drawls, annoyingly slow and deep, “I don’t really get hot and bothered by little kids.”
This infuriates me but I try keeping my cool, letting my hand slide below me, on his knee and then higher.
“You got a thing for boys then?”
“Nah, women.” he says and so I squeeze his thigh tightly with force, hoping to illicit a reaction. I look outside of the car for Siwon, waiting for him to come back but he is idly pumping the gas, his eyes always on the prowl elsewhere, for any signs of danger - always a mile away.
“Don’t worry,” I let my fingers trail closer to his crotch and smirk when I hear him let out the tiniest inaudible gasp that he has no control over, “I don’t fuck men who act like pansies at the sight of a gun.”
And that seems to do it. “Don’t worry either,” he says back, grabbing my hand as he pushes himself forward and snarls in my ear, “I don’t fuck girls who’ve fucked my brother.” And then I find myself short of breath as he slides two hands around my neck and tightens them while simultaneously locking my legs with his quick feet and I’m at a loss for words, my eyes tearing up with the sheer pain as his fingernails dig into my neck like needles. I feel myself blacking out, the last sensation I can feel being Minho’s hot revengeful breath pouring into my ear and I try to scream out “Fuck you” but the words don’t come, only slight pants of desperate breath before my eyes close tight.
Siwon’s there after a moment, shaking me conscious with one hand while punching his brother’s shoulder with the other as he climbs in, furious, hands with rage. There’s no fight back from Minho and it’s probably because I’m a bit lifeless on his lap and a huge obstacle for a real confrontation so he sits back, mending to his shoulder injury as I lean onto the dashboard trying to catch my breath.
“You two dipshits better learn to get the fuck along. We are going to be in this situation for a long time and I am not here to be your pissy little babysistter.” If I had the energy to laugh, I would, because it is absurd and amusing to see Siwon boil to the extreme that his veins throb and his Adam’s apple bulging, directed at us but he bangs the steering wheel in threatening frustration so I sit back, making sure my elbows make an indent into Minho’s stomach.
“I’m serious you two. No fighting.”
We leave the gas station and start our journey again, and I have much less of a resolve to squirm in my seat like before. I stare out at those never ending tumbleweeds and a couple of hours later Siwon rewards our good behavior by turning on the radio to some barely coherent classical tones. I let my muscles relax, turning my gaze at Siwon for a distraction, content with the way his small eyelashes flutter when he blinks, almost in unison with the noise of the distant engine. I almost forget Minho’s there and that I’m not sitting on a seat but his legs, except for the moment when my tired arm slips between his thighs on accident, and moments after I remove it, there’s a hint of something bulging underneath me. I watch him from the rearview mirror - he’s pretending to sleep but there’s no mistaking the faint blush upon his cheeks.
I look back at Siwon with a deep smile. Siwon smiles back and his eyelashes flutter again.
-
When we reach the hotel, something glorious happens. Siwon tells me in a strict voice (he must be pissed off at my poor behavior earlier, I think) that I get to have my own room. I practically scream in silent joy, running far from him and his bug-eyed brother up into the elevator. It’s not a luxury hotel like the last ones we stayed at, it’s more of an unkempt motel shack, but nonetheless I inhale the smell of moth balls in my single bed room. Still, my times jumping from clubs to hostels leaves me unsurprised at the way places to sleep can be so uninviting and gross. Growing up privileged I had my own room, a massive one of sorts, but going on vacations and trips I was always forced to bunk with my sister where we’d fight over the blankets and she’d tell me scary stories before we slept. I think of her more lately, Minho and Siwon’s awkward relationship reminding me of my own sibling, of always having that one person there for you even when you cannot stand the sight of them. I pick a loose thread on the cheap sheet and frown, but still plop onto the lumpy bed with the mind to relax. The silence is becoming and I drift into thoughts about what those pair of brothers could be possibly doing in the room next door. Maybe the alone time will do them good, they can catch up without giving me the dirty eye for existing and disrupting their space, I think; but my heart tinges at the thought of them whispering about me, discussing the moment they should ditch me - or worse.
I turn the television on, but the world of news, sports and disillusioned drama seems so foreign to me that I cannot understand a word that is being spoken. Instead I close my eyes, dreaming of my sister, wishing she was right next to me, just there to tell me a stupid story about a rogue dog gone mad or something to that variety.
“Jessica,” I whisper and feel my chest getting heavy. Now is not the time to cry, not surely when those overpowering boys are just a wall away from listening but then there’s a soft knock at the door, breaking me from my reverie. They don’t wait for an answer and there’s the sound of the card sliding as the door opens and I feel nauseous when Minho makes his way into the room.
“Ever heard of waiting? I could’ve been undressing you know. Or already naked.”
“But you aren’t, so.”
“What do you want?” Suddenly the mere presence of him reminds me that my poor sanctuary doesn’t exist and the fact that he’s crossing his arms, looking down at me with a judgemental demeanor isn’t helping.
“My brother told me to come to tell you sorry.”
“Okay.” I say, laughing at the sheer ridiculousness of this boy, several years older than I, being a wimp at the beck and call of his hyung. I can tell he really doesn’t mean it, and I don’t feel like fake apologizing back, so I don’t.
“Where is he anyway, Siwon oppa?”
“He went to get something from the car. Look,” Minho decides its okay to approach me and sit on the edge of the other side of the bed - sanctuary broken again, I think - and his eyes loom over at me, madly. “it’s obvious we won’t get along. But things will be easier if we pretend to while I’m still around. My brother’s not going to tolerate us fighting.”
“Fine,” I say, having no real intention of having continuous war zones in the car rides. “You don’t talk to me and I won’t talk to you.”
Simple as that.
“Great.” I expect him to stand up and leave as we have weakly agreed to be cordial but he doesn’t, instead doing a 360 aerial of the room, as if it was quite different than theirs.
“You want a pillow?” I sneer, hating the way his bangs ruffle softly when he shakes his head to say no. He’s much like his brother, I think - in the sense that they are stoic and good looking and think it’s socially acceptable to be annoyingly quiet - I’m quiet in this world because I choose to be invisible - unlike these boys who think it’s manly - but I also get the impression that there’s a weakness to Minho, something more raw and fervent than Siwon, something intangible that I cannot figure out as I observe him playing with the loose threads in the blanket as well.
“Krystal.” he says my name, slow, his low voice rumbling in the quiet room. “That’s not a Korean name.”
“It’s not,” I retort immediately before I turn around slightly to talk to him in a more nicer manner, “I was born in America. I moved here when I was four.”
“Huh,” he smiles. “A foreigner. Explains so much about you.”
It’s an easy dig so I refuse to snap back, trying to remain classy and without care. I turn the television back on, hoping he would get the hint and leave but he doesn’t, only staying put to my annoyance.
“What’s your Korean name then? You must have one right?”
“Soojung,” the name comes out before I realize. I put a hand to my mouth but it’s too late and there’s that little smile from him again.
“Soojung.” he repeats. My real name sounds dangerous on his lips and I don’t know why. I am about to tell him he doesn’t have permission to use it when the door clambers open and in comes a stampeding Siwon with a broken sweat.
“We have to leave. Now.”
-
A fresh blood of pool waits for us in the front of the motel, a man stabbed in the back with his face planting the ground in the middle of all the red. This must be Siwon’s work, I think as I recognize the knife thrown into the man’s back and my assumptions are correct as Siwon leans down and retrieves his knife cleanly from the victim before we get into the car. My knees tremble as I make my way onto Minho’s lap and I try to stop them from being noticeable.
“They must have caught my trail from the alley,” Minho whispers and his guilt is obvious, “hyung, they are looking for me, not you. You should drop me off.”
“No, we’re a team now.” There’s a dullness in Siwon’s face as he speeds and watches the mirror for any following cars.
“Hyung, we must be close then - if they think I’m a threat then she must be near so that they can protect her -”
“Enough,” Siwon barks and pushes on the gas pedal. “Put your seatbelt on, this is going to be rough.”
He careens into the dirt, the car tilting to the side and I feel Minho putting on his seatbelt underneath me. I want to laugh at the fact that my seatbelt does not exist, but my insides are jittery and my knees are still knobbling together. Unbeknowst to both boys I had never actually seen a dead body before despite my rough edges and shallow past, and the image of all that blood keeps running through my head, even more so the image of Siwon pulling out the knife so mercilessly. I ask myself if I’m capable of such lack of emotion, even after all the training I trekked through and my gut tells me no. I stare into the front of the car, with nothing but blood streaking my preoccupied vision. Siwon makes another dangerous speedy turn into the sand and I can only guess that we are being tailed by his and Minho’s scream fest. Our window goes down and the boys are shouting at me to do something, but I sit useless, caught up in my world of nothing and then Minho slides an arm around me, tight and protective, wrapping his other arm around me to aim a gun outside the window and behind.
I hear the gunfire and clamp my eyes shut but it’s over sooner than it begins. Minho closes the window and Siwon pushes the gas pedal harder, and I can hear the sound of the other car flipping over with a screeching halt as it engulfs into flames behind us.
“Oh, shit,” Minho bellows and I can only guess both boys are watching the fire from the mirrors as we continue on, with more speed and less talk. Siwon gives me a worried eye and I feel indeterminately stupid and useless from my blackout, but he says nothing so I keep my eyes shut, trying to avoid the sight of the blood pooling out of my mind and instead try to concentrate on the oddly comforting feeling of Minho’s arms still wrapped around my stomach as if I was his precious cargo and not some waste of space that he probably thought I was. He squeezes me tighter when Siwon presses the gas pedal over 115 and I feel myself going lightheaded at the delight of the simultaneous pain and pressure of Minho’s strength.
-
Getting back on track and resuming the original blueprint of our mission is not an easy task with the addition of a person. We sit in the shallow woods, the grass moist and dewy under us, waiting for Siwon to finish his thinking process and gives us directions. There’s more fine lines across his forehead; the past four days has been grueling on him with even less sleep than usual, and I feel bad, feel guilty for not noticing earlier. I make a mental note to try and cook him a nice warm meal the first chance I get an opportunity to do so.
And like an iridescent light bulb goes off in his head, Siwon blinks and treats us to one of his charming yet smarmy smiles. “All-right, game on.”
Soon, I’m walking five feet behind the boys as we hike through the woods, held back by the giant amount of tools and supplies I have been told to so dubiously be in control of. It’s not fair, I think, as the only girl that I’m relegated to water boy as Minho stays attached to Siwon’s side, almost glued pocket to pocket as they talk in hushed whispers and keep their guns drawn like two clandestine peas in a pod. I adjust the weighted swords thrown on my back, furiously digging my feet with tracks in the dirt, not caring about the consequences. Siwon stops a couple more yards in and bends to the ground, observing some tracks that aren’t mine with his fingers and then taking some dirt to his nose to smell it. He nods to Minho and they do a silent high-five.
“You were right, Minho. Outsmarted their plan by a second.”
“Hyung, we should keep going. If we can get their by nightfall...”
I soon get sick of looking at their backs and making friends with the tall and endless trees being all that there is to keep me company. Pinecones come and go from my hands as I throw them back into the woods, clunking into the dark greens. They whisper some more, nodding their heads far in agreement and the sight of it is enough to make me vomit. Perhaps I’m being too loud with my displeasure because Siwon turns and corners me into a tree, almost making me drop the swords.
“Krystal,” he warns and I almost drop the other hand of tools in shock. I realize its the first time he’s addressed me solely in days and I hadn’t realized how much I had yearned for his attention, “we are on a mission here. I cannot concentrate towards a goal with you not being focused.”
“Well, why am I am even here in the first place? You obviously don’t want me. You didn’t even give me a gun today, all I’m doing is trailing your backs because of your stupid brother.”
“You’re keeping watch,” Siwon says with much patience and I kick some dirt accidentally onto his boot, “it’s a very important job. One I trust you with.”
“Fantastic,” I spit, noticing Minho a few feet from behind, brazen. I’m just a secondary afterthought compared to him now.
“It is,” Siwon continues, reassuring me with two hands placed on my shoulders. He’s taller than I remember as he peers down at me, and it’s questionably condescending. “maybe you’ll get a gun when you behave.”
No, that is utterly condescending, I think, putting two and two together that this is Siwon’s subtle way of punishing me for my blackout from the other day. He shakes his head no, not like that but it’s too late, I feel the fury from my cheeks climb as I shove his hands away and start to run far, far from the dynamic duo that doesn’t trust me.
“How about I just behave and keep watch from the car then?” I scream madly as I run back, past the looming trees and away from the woods, hoping that the hours of being trapped in the car with solitude will give me better company.
-
I must have fallen asleep in my anger because it seems like hours or maybe even a day passes when the boys come back and I awake to the sound of things being thrown into the trunk before the doors open and Minho manhandles me to adjust our seating position.
“I can’t believe we did it hyung. We’re one step closer.”
“I know, right.” Clearly the thrill of being out in action has gotten to both the boys as their excitement fills the car and they chatter about the next process and how they were able to complete everything in just the nick of time. I notice Siwon’s hands sit on the steering wheel with blood rusting, then choose to notice Minho’s equally red hands wrapped around my waist, leaving telling stains on my blouse.
“Can we steal a bigger car next time?” I mutter before remembering how upset I was at the boys and make another resolve to keep my mouth shut forever. I remind myself I’m fifteen and that seems like a perfectly suitable punishment for them to remember me by.
“We don’t steal cars, Krystal. We borrow them.”
Sometimes Siwon is so insistent on acting like he’s not a criminal or doing anything bad, I want to shake him for his hypocritical nonsense. He kills people for a living, I think and encourages his brother and me to have the same mentality that it’s almost stupid that he thinks there’s a certain pattern of how to do go about doing this right.
Douchebag, I almost say, but stop myself, remembering that I’m not supposed to say anything and so I just pretend to sleep, lulling my body to the sound of Siwon’s monotone and orthodox way of explaining what’s next.
-
Several days pass before we get back on track with the mission. The days of doing nothing stuck in a hotel room leave me with a desire to prove something, prove that I’m worth it, and so when we leave, I set out with resolution to be driven. The boys seem to sense something amiss with me, but I ignore their questioning stares, only filling my mind with notes on how to stay alert and passionate as Siwon continues the morning drill, stating what we need to do.
We ditch the car and walk towards the large and amounting house where whatever it is that we need will be. There’s only one thing on my mind however, and I repeat the words over and over in my head.
Today’s the day I’m going to kill.
We reach the house and split up, my path on the right side of the house. Minho takes the backside and Siwon takes the front, each of us giving one last nod before we enter. There’s going to people in the house, an absolute scare, and while Siwon has still not bothered to inform me what or who it is we are fighting against, the strength to prove him wrong wills me into opening the side window and climb through, ready to face my nameless nemesis. Siwon still didn’t trust me with a gun which seems pretty counter-intuitive but I don’t let it hold me back even if it makes me weaker prey. I cling on to the light and fine-crafted sword he’s given to me instead, fine with it since I’m more of an expert with it anyway, also remembering the dagger in my left boot for additional back up. I creep with my back bent and my shoes don’t make a screech as I walk and walk, looking for the shelf of papers Siwon told me to retrieve while simultaneously looking for a soul I could take for my first unsuspecting victim. I finally find the file in the last wall of the library and ransack it, making sure its the right one as my sword starts to feel heavier and heavier and I know I’m getting more nervous and doubtful. But it’s correct, and although the unspoken hangul means nothing to me I know it will mean something to Siwon so I fold the papers and stuff them into my shirt and into the lace of my bra, hoping it will stick tight.
There’s a crash outside the room and I nearly drop my sword in fright before containing myself, telling myself it’s from the level below and it must be Siwon or Minho confronting something in their own missions. ‘They can handle themselves,’ I force myself to think, as I look for a way out from the library when I catch up with my own inner demon. There someone is, not Siwon or Minho, creeping up the back stairway, hoping not to get found, hoping to find a way out.
It’s almost too easy, that this burly and silent stranger would come into my way and I inch back, hoping they do not see me. I look around for another way out and see that the path the way I came in is open, but I choose not to take it, instead taking a deep breath before lifting the sword into the air and carrying on. This is it, I tell myself, this is it.
I take a step out into the hall. And they see me.
It starts so quick it takes me a second to blink and process but I come to and start to run after them, nearing on them as they turn the corner and make way for the master bedroom I presume, but then change course and continue down the never ending hall. My boots screech as I change direction in an effort to cut them off course and it must be loud and not stealth-like, but it works and I catch them off guard, forcing them to either confront me or run back down the stairs. I do a quick observation and notice both their hands are empty (no weapons, yes!) and that closer up this hard man has already broken into a sweat, too much sweat from just our simple run.
He chooses to run down the stairs instead of saying hello.
I chase on, leaping down two stairs at a time when I hear Siwon calling me from somewhere in the distance.
“Krystal! Krystal! Krystal!”
But I continue on, not wanting a repeat of the last two times I didn’t finish. Couldn’t finish. I don’t hold back when I reach the end of the steps and kick him to the ground. The man collides to the ground and I can feel him shudder underneath my heel as he turns around to stare me in the eye. He seems surprised, that the end of his life is going to be taken by a young girl, but he also seems to have already given in to the will. I want him to suffer so I move my heel to his neck to suffocate his thick breathing.
“Please, tell him - please, tell him I don’t know - I don’t know where she is, I don’t.”
“Where who is?” I ask, despite already knowing the answer, just not the name. I ram my foot further into his neck when he doesn’t immediately answer. My sword sits needy in my hands and I get ready to prepare it.
“Sooyoung.” it’s the last word that comes out of his mouth, before something comes over me. It’s an out of body experience, almost like I’m floating above myself as I see the sword come down and pierce him into the heart with one quick swift execution, just like all those times I practiced on dummies and chickens. The sword feels nonexistent in my hand and his breathing stops narrowly before his eyes roll back and I know he’s dead. I start to feel funny and lightheaded as I come back into my own body and feel the weight of the sword again in my head, plagued with dripping blood and then Siwon is turning the corner, looking horrifically at the image I’ve created on the floor before looking at me.
“What have you done?” he cries, forgetting that we are supposed to be quiet. But none of the past five minutes or was it an hour of time? that has gone by was quiet. He grabs the sword out of my hand, as if he’s afraid I’m going to kill him next.
“I got the papers you wanted,” I untuck them out of the lace of bra and hand them to him with joy, waiting for his glee of approval but it never comes. I’m met with him restricting me against my stomach, pushing me to the bottom of the stairs when I fall over and he bends over me, eyes wide and mouth snarled. I can feel his anger pouring me and his temples throb like a threat, scaring me awake. He’s got such a massive grip on my hand, I’m almost scared he’s going to twist my fingers and break each of them as his blood boils and I don’t know what I’ve done wrong because soon all I can see is black.
“He’s the one I was chasing Krystal! He’s the one that had all the answers! And you’ve killed him! Killed my only hope! Our only hope! Krystal!” His non-stop shaking leaves me in a tizzy. I try to block out his shouting but it only gets worse and I look at the body from the corner of my eye, the knowing victim useless at the fault of my greed. This is worse than the time Minho tried to strangle me, worse than all those times I was forced to sleep with much older and strange men out on the roads, worse than the times when my father abused me and my sister, and far worse than the times when I didn’t know the definition of home, of family. I had disappointed Siwon with no chance of redemption.
“He doesn’t know anything!” I scream.
Something is stinging across my cheeks, and soon there are strange tears falling down my face and blurring my vision. The pit of my stomach cries louder and I hate myself for crying, hate myself for becoming weak in front of Siwon but the tears do not stop and I feel my stomach turning besides itself as Siwon lifts me up and shakes me violently asking and pleading me to come to my senses but I cannot; hopeless and finished without a care. I can barely keep standing and with every shake from Siwon I stumble back, my blurred vision increasing as the tears keep amounting and I can tell I’m on the verge of blacking out again. The salt from the tears hurt my skin, raw and unaccustomed to the sensation and the pain doesn’t seem to subside and I find myself shouting something against my control, screaming and weeping out but I don’t know what I’m saying. The shaking stops and I almost fall to the ground before two arms catch me and throw my weak body onto themselves fully for support and I don’t even have to look up to know - it’s Minho.
“Stop it hyung. Can’t you see you are hurting her?”
I recognize the weight of his arms from all the endless car rides, and his strength prevails as I fully lean into him support. I continue to cry incessantly as they scuffle for a bit, Minho pushing Siwon back out of my harm’s way until he calms down and walks away. My cries turns into full sobbing, the kind where I feel my chest spinning with each hard breath and there’s a hand in my hair, smoothing the wetness away from my face. I cling on to his shoulder for quite sometime, needy, matting his shirt with the tears I cannot disguise and Minho cooes in to my ear, ‘Sssh, sssh, ssssh, it’s okay.’
But it’s not okay, and we both know it, and the tears don’t stop falling.
-
The weight of my outburst and murder take a toll on me by the time we reach our motel for rest and Minho does all but carry me inside. Siwon only gets one room for the three of us this time and he sullenly takes one of the beds, not giving us a second glance before knocking out. Minho takes me to the bathroom and helps me wash up after washing his own grime off his weary complexion. I glance at my reflection in the mirror; there’s specks of blood that are not my own mixed where the tears did not meet. But then I start to cough up blood, my own, spurts of it falling dryly into the sink. Minho takes a towel and presses it to my lips when I finish, then washes the towel and pats it over my face and my arms.
“He’s not upset at what you did,” he whispers. “he’s mad because we’re close to what he wants.”
“Not anymore.”
“We are. It’ll just be a little longer.”
He waits for me to say something, but I don’t so he assists me into the room and we lay side by side on the other bed, careful not to touch and turn off the lights.
“Soojung.” Minho barely hushes my name loud enough to hear, but I don’t respond. I feel a finger cross the imaginary border on my side of the bed, looking for my own and he keeps the finger by my pinky, the friction just being close enough to make my hairs stand, but I pretend that I’m asleep. We’re supposed to sleeping after all, but I can’t and soon the sound of Minho’s light snoring takes over the room. But I find myself looking over at Siwon, at the vein that won’t disappear being stricken on his forehead and become consumed with the thought of what a terrible person I am.
-
When I wake up in the morning, there’s nothing in the room except for the smell of freshly brewed coffee. There’s a cup waiting for me at the bedside. I take a couple of sips when the door opens and Siwon comes in, delicately peering over at me, cautious. I keep a poker face, letting the steam from the coffee indulge my pores.
“It’s just us today.” I don’t quite understand what that means, but I see that there’s no bobbling head of Minho’s behind him or hidden in the room and something waves over me, like the sensation of freefalling for whatever reason. As if he’s reading my mind, Siwon puts his hands into his pockets, raising an eyebrow.
“He’ll be back. Sooner or later.”
“Fine,” I say and mean it. I didn’t really care what happened to Minho, he could have run away for all that mattered and it wouldn’t affect me. I watch Siwon as he waits for me to pack up and I expect to feel scared or alone, but the idea of it just being the two of us again exhilarates me and I stay near his side as he gives directions, determined to be obedient.
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