Bulletborn, Chapter Two
BULLETBORN; PG-13
Chapter 2
-
We leave when it’s still dark. Siwon becomes jumpy with the thrill of going out in the field he practically barks orders at me in what we need to pack and wear and the overall game plan for that tiny thing some people called life. I listen obediently, a tad amused by the way Siwon’s large eyes dare to bulge out of their sockets as he tells me to meet him in five and instructs me to grab the last pair of gloves from upstairs as he does a final check on the weapon count underground.
I know it’s against a sane person’s wishes but I grab the gloves in less than a second and know I have just under a minute of time to spare so I dive to the floorboard and do it quietly with the stealth Siwon has taught me. I grab the box and go straight for the trinket - it’s now or never and I open it: the only things in it are a ring - presumably Siwon’s by the width and blandness of the grey band - and a picture. The picture isn’t old or stereotypically crumbled - it’s pretty much intact and almost looks new by the amount of care it’s been given, or maybe it’s just that the person in the picture is absolutely beautiful. The woman carries a smile that tells a million stories and her eyes are warm but I remain mostly infatuated with her cheekbones - the type that look like they can cut glass even through a one dimensional picture. I thumb the picture with a finger, careful not to leave a fingerprint. As if on cue, I hear Siwon’s steps coming closer and I put the box back, debating whether or not to put the picture in its place but am unable to look away from the strange beauty trapped inside the picture and wonder who she is. The steps are only a moment away and I decide to pocket the picture, stuffing it into my backpack in-between my bras and underwear, somewhere Siwon would be sure to never pry.
And then five seconds later he’s standing there in front of me, feet tapping, eyes steady, ready for our adventure to begin.
-
Our first mission is a bit of a hit and miss, almost a test for me and I almost feel betrayed at the lack of confidence Siwon guides for me as he thinks a good place for them to start is by having me jack a car.
“Not just any car, there’s always a method.” he lays out, very aware at the cynical vibe I am giving off. “It might not seem important but we need to steal this very car because it belongs to Lee Naeun, and her father is a very important corrupt political figure - which means it’s okay to steal this car and not one of someone who’s innocent because -”
“Yeah, yeah cut the procedural bullshit. I’m not pissed because you are making me steal this car, I’m pissed because you are making me steal a car.”
Siwon remains confused, even as he pushes me towards the entrance of the bar where Lee Naeun is. I narrow my eyes as I try not to topple over in the stacked heels and too short of a dress Siwon has forced me to wear for this dubious mission, clearly unaware that as a girl I am not going to be able to steal a car by seducing another girl with a minidress and sexy legs and that this mission is not all that I am capable of.
“You don’t want to steal a car? What do you want to steal - a bike? This isn’t an environmental friendly plot-”
“Clearly you don’t know anything about how the female mind works.”
“You aren’t female - you’re still a kid - now go hustle and make oppa proud.”
I roll my eyes and proceed with the mission as Siwon stays huddled in the parking lot, licking his brows.
By the time I come back with jingling keys in hand, Siwon hasn’t done much of filling in the puzzle of how my brain works so he he lets me drive for the first time - my foot enjoys the gas pedal a tad too much as we border to the beachside.
-
The air by Busan is cool and almost chilly, a nice change from the air of the countryside from home and Siwon inhales it in, his lungs full. It had been quite sometime since Siwon said he had come out this far and this might be the only time he could enjoy it - but making sure I was always safe had become quite the pressure for him. I found him constantly watching me from the corner of his eye even when he didn’t have to, even when I eventually got the hang of how normal driving works and discovered that the break pedal actually had a purpose. Sleep came less and less to Siwon but the air mixing with the taste of the warm and salty ocean water was making him feel almost relaxed, I realized, and he urged me to drive a little faster to our next destination so he could try and get some shut eye for the rest of the night.
We pull in to the side of the unlisted dive in our stolen Audi and Siwon creeps out, ready to carry on with concentration.
“You wait here. Watch the front and stay alert.”
“You can’t be serious. All that training and you are going to make me stay in the car? Are you fucking serious?” Siwon’s jaw clenches at me, and I cower but still cross my arms in defiance.
“Sorry, oppa.”
I make sure my tone is biting.
“This is how I laid out the plan, this is just how it’s supposed to go.”
And even when I dare to use those womanly powers of mine and maybe cry to get what I want, Siwon doesn’t give me a chance as he darts through the side window and into the two star club to do what he’s come to do, do what needs to be done at the speed of lightning. He tightens his muscles and uses his skills on how to be unnoticeable when doing something worthy of being noticed as he creeps through, sneaking below the club tables and around the curtains of barely clothed woman and burly men before he reaches his target and he moves out of my sight.
He’s outside moments later, and had I not known that he went inside to kill a man, there was no sign that he had done so except for the minuscule shortness of breath he was displaying and the slightest sign of blood being drawn at the corner of his lip. Skills of a jedi, he had and the emotions in check of a robot - showing no outer sign of remorse. I start the car and drive off, refusing to congratulate him on coming out alive or even relief that he didn’t break a bone.
“Your mouth looks dry.” I say.
-
It’s when we get to the plush hotel with two beds and an unobstructed view of the vast ocean that Siwon shows some signs of being human. The weariness of keeping up with my mood swings and not sleeping for sixty hours straight seems to hit him all at once and he crashes onto one bed after making sure the door is securely locked and that no one will be able to climb into our window without a balcony on the seventieth floor of the skyscraper.
“Please, please don’t leave the room.” he almost begs, and it’s the first time he’s done so.
I can tell he’s actually worn out and wouldn’t normally trust me with such a request so I nod and mean it, any desire to run away and teach him a lesson about being petty gone out of mind as I watch sleep come over him as his lids flutter shut and he starts to snore lightly. I look around the room for something to do, think about turning on the television for a distraction or maybe even drawing a bath but I am more inclined to watch Siwon instead - watch him at his most vulnerable as his chest moves in and out, the permanent wrinkles and the bags under his eyes becoming less visible as he’s involuntarily relaxed. I walk to him and bend down, cautiously taking off his sneakers with much care, before reaching over and grabbing the stationary pistol out his hand and on to the dresser instead. I wait for him to grab my hand and snarl, reach for the gun and shoot me with it, but he doesn’t. But there’s an unexpected reaction a moment after I take the gun - an almost whimper - a cry for help.
“No-no-no-please-don’t-die-no-no-no-” his murmurs go and the painstakingly look on his face hurts me. “itsallmyfaultnonono-no-no-no-please, pleasepleaseplease-”
I guide a hand down the side of his face, stroking him softly, despite knowing it’s better if I didn’t. I almost weep as his eyes become more furrowed and he starts to tear while dreaming, soon turning into violent sobbing and he starts to toss and turn, his face becoming pale with sweat dripping.
“Oppa, oppa!” I pull on to his shoulders, trying to get him to stay still but his eyes remain shut, stuck in his nightmare. “Siwon, oppa! Wake up, Siwon oppa!”
“No-no-no-please don’t die, I didn’t meanitnonononono-nooooooooooooo-” Siwon almost convluses in a panic and I get up, grabbing the gun and placing it into his hand, all but praying that he doesn’t accidentally pull the trigger. It’s strange - that moment when I place it into the palm of his hand is the moment he stops wailing and fidgeting, his body becoming relaxed again as his fingers curl around the holder of the gun and his legs unfold from the grip of his stomach. His cries slowly become murmurs again until they come to a complete stop and I watch him for the duration of the night, feeling ever so guilty for the look of grief that never wipes away between his eyebrows even with the gun in his hand to comfort his anxious woes.
-
We don’t speak of it in the morning, and I wonder if Siwon has an inkling of what happened during the night. But he pretends he doesn’t, even when I wake up from a short nap and find Siwon dressing after a quick shower and putting on his sneakers that mysteriously found their way off his feet when he was sleeping.
We exchange a smile after coffee, our first mutual one - one of knowing. It’s weird but timely, almost a silent acknowledgment of what we mean to each other before we go in for the morning croissants laid out in a fluffy romantic arrangement by the maid on the dresser.
-
“Okay, this is all you. Get in there and grab these five guns,” Siwon stabs the paper with his finger displaying the models of all the guns he refers to repeatedly for emphasis, “and nothing else. Stay down like a hawk, keep your back guarded like a ninja, avoid people like you’ve never met one in your life.”
“Never met a person? That’s rich.”
Siwon ignores yet another of my flippant remarks and stabs the paper again, before giving me a hearty pat on the back that knocks me off balance.
“Sorry. Good luck!” he says, before kicking me out of the car with a humored wave, turning the car around to the street for an easy getaway. I take one last look at Siwon before I go in, crossing my fingers, watching him do a little prayer with his eyes closed and his hands folded. I hope that everything goes to plan, and head in, anxiety riding over me with the hope that I finish it all before I black out.
I finish fast, not even needing to check the time and by the time I get out, I see Siwon still praying, a lenghty prayer it must be, and he almost looks serene. I make my way to the car, my feet fast but not rushed, teeth daring to gleam.
“What?” Siwon braves to ask, already fearing the answer. “Everything go to play?”
“Yes!” I pretend to act offended by Siwon’s unabiding response. “I did what you asked. And I didn’t have to kill anyone.” I hand him the loot, stuffed into a black knapsack. He observes the guns carefully, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6-6? his eyes fall dizzy.
“Six. Six!”
“What? Oppa it was just lying there...no one wanted it! It felt lonely! I just wanted to give it a home!”
“These guns aren’t for us to use, Krystal.” he sighs, contemplating what to do with the last gun as he turns it over, tracing the lining with his thumb before letting a hand unravel in his hair with frustration. I, however don’t get it and climb into the car, patting my own back with a hand in exaggeration.
“Congratulations for not getting killed, dongsaeng. Oppa is so proud of you. Pat, pat, pat.”
“You just don’t get it. Everything I plan and say has a reason with will. I don’t make up these rules as I go.”
“Sometimes it sounds as if your brilliant ideas are just you following someone else’s stupid orders. Like me.”
I sit with my arms crossed and back hunched and Siwon says nothing more, as his own back tenses up, letting the words I spat sink into the awkwardness of the Audi, throwing the extra gun into the car holder as he tries to figure out some measly alternative as to what to do with it.
-
Nothing happens when we get back to the hotel room, not a repeat of Siwon’s nightmare fest like I had been sort of expecting. Instead, we watch television for a bit in awkward silence, Siwon resting his feet on a chair, and I prop myself lazily on the plethora of pillows on my bed. I wait for Siwon to make some sort of condescending stare or to say something disapproving of the way I smack my gum with utter disregard for manners but he never says anything, just content with the show unfolding on screen. A commercial plays in the sands of some foreign hot spot with some idyllic models running across screen and I find a pang in my tummy, an ounce of jealousy at the way Siwon doesn’t take his eyes off screen, watching the half-dressed models giggle in delight and act moronic. But he turns around to me as soon as the commercial ends, catching me in a surprise.
“Do you want nail polish?”
“What?” my gum finds its way to the back of my throat, and I spit it back to the front, but miss and the gum lands at the edge of the bed. Siwon picks it up, disgusted, throwing it in the trash bin while I cower in embarrassment.
“Nail polish,” he continues. “You’re a girl now. Almost sixteen. Would you like oppa to buy you some?”
“It’s creepy when you refer to yourself as oppa like that.”
“So is that a no?”
I just shrug and Siwon leaves it at that.
As odd as the day is, I sleep as if my life was utterly normal, mostly following Siwon’s suit. It’s not hard, and soon I’m in a peaceful slumber, tired of the days’ events, thinking of nothing but sweet and creamy cake bites when Siwon shakes me awake, towering over with that chiseled jaw of his, waiting until I looks conscious enough to be bothered.
“Get up. We’ve got something to do.” I sit up, noticing that the hotel room is not on fire whatsoever and that there are no men in black kicking the door open and tick my tongue at what I presume is a non-emergency. But Siwon doesn’t bother to reply to my whines, fixing his hair in the mirror, starting an imaginary countdown to the time I get ready just like we used to rehearse.
-
It’s still nightfall when we reach the ocean, less than ten minutes away by car. There’s no people around, no cars even at this abandoned beach, not even a security guard to patrol the waters for safety.
“There was a chemical spill here years back,” Siwon answers my question even though I haven’t opened my mouth. “The beach is safe now but the state has deemed it irresponsible for it to ever open to the public again.”
“And why are we here?” I still take in the surroundings, then Siwon once more but he acts unfazed, the only thing unusual about his appearance is the return of that black knapsack. As if on queue, he sets it down, near the makeshift bonfire he had created moments before, taking the guns out of it one by one. “What are you doing?”
“Don’t worry. They are bullet free. You might want to back away a little just in case, though.” I do as I’m told, but unsure why until Siwon throws the first gun into the fire, and then the second one, the third one, the fourth. I’m sure those guns are worth thousands, a perfect addition to his collection back home and I leap in between him and the fire before he can throw in the fifth, grabbing his arm.
“What are you doing? You can’t destroy these! That’s insane! They must be worth a ton!”
“It’s like I told you before. These guns aren’t us for use. They have another reason.”
“A reason you won’t tell me?” Siwon ignores me, easily grabbing my arm back in retaliation and throwing the last gun behind me as the flames engulf it. He watches as the metal melts and merges with the other metal before it, such powerfulness succumbed to nothing. It’s almost magical and I scowl, even as Siwon forces me to watch, protecting me from the embers with a tight hand.
“You can have the last gun, if you want it. As long as you keep it safe and hidden.”
“No thanks. I don’t want to end up like you sleeping with a gun to make me feel better.” I spit out before I regret it, running back to the car, sand seeping into my shoes with every plunging step fighting the guilt that I start to feel with the pain inflicted on his face for a second.
-
Days pass before we go out again, and according to Siwon, it’s D-day. Again, as he so fondly likes to call everyday we have something to do. The air smells like bloodbath, so surely it is the day. It reeks of it, setting the mood and I scowl, pinching my nose shut much to Siwon’s displeasure.
“That’s just the way this area smells, Krystal.” he says but it doesn’t comfort me although I know he’s right. I take another look around the rundown alleys, burned and sour decree making up the majority of the buildings and shacks. I stare at the closed off and particularly dark alley that is my entrance-way and keep my lips pursed - I can just tell that it’s going to smell of raw sewerage and rats and everything unholy.
“Remember, kill only for the kill, aim with a mission. Got it?” Siwon slaps my back for reassurance and hones in on my eyes but it makes me feel uneasy even though I’ve heard his speech a thousand times before, because this, this was reality.
“Good luck.” he says and I try to say it back only it doesn’t come out because a part of me feels like Siwon doesn’t really need to rely on luck and another part of me, the part that is supposed to speak gets caught in between my throat with nerves. And then Siwon does the strangest thing - he leans down and close and wraps his arms around me, not in a chokehold, not in a threatening way - but in an embrace.
I’m so taken aback by the unexpectedness of it that I don’t wrap my arms back around them; instead my arms stay stiff at my sides, but it doesn’t really seem to matter as he holds me, as if I was fragile, as if I really meant something to him, as if he really cared and I can hear his soft breathing so close it makes my insides churn - but then as soon as I shut my eyes to enjoy the hug, it’s over and he lets go of me much to my dismay.
With that, he’s gone, making his way towards the back front door, stealth as a machine-driven ninja, and I’m left to walk the path of weariness and dread to the side. I take a deep breath, unprepared for what I am about to embark on.
-
It starts easy enough, and I dart my eyes with concentration and skill around the dark and smelly perimeters, keeping a low profile and staying alert. There’s no one in the vicinity, and I walk through gun drawn and steady. There’s a puddle of water several yards in, and I bend down, touching and observing it - it’s not muddy yet so I know I’m on the right path.
Forever passes until I reach the end of the darkness. It’s eerily quiet and the sounds of the streets above are drowned out from being so deep underground and it gives me a bit of the chills but I push through, breathing an anxious sigh of relief when I see the large metal portal just like Siwon had said would be there. I approach it timidly before taking a deep breath and push it open, waiting to come face to face with the person Siwon said would be in there, but a wave of confusion spreads over me when I see there is nothing, no one inside, just an empty chair and some unbound rope.
I lean over to touch the rope, get a sense of if it’s still warm and been recently unbound when it happens - someone from behind knocks me over and I fall to the ground, my hands burning from the rough asphalt and my cheek raw from the fall. I grab my gun and cock it back, gaining my balance and looking around for the attacker but there’s no one around in every direction. I start walking to the left but crane my ear towards the right, when suddenly there’s a sound three feet behind me and there he is - the person who attacked me, now looking at me on the prowl for some more action.
I’m quick, I always have been, but I’m caught off guard because I was supposed to be the offense not the defense but I find myself unable to aim and shoot because of their impeding speed and equal calculation. It’s like the person could mimic my every move as if they were trained by the man almighty Siwon himself and knew what I was going to do next - I shoot a bullet for their head and they duck a nanosecond ahead of me, I dart my sprints in one direction and they counter attack the opposite side. I pull my spare dagger from out of my boot but by the time I get it perched into aiming position, the attacker already has one tucked underneath their low cap with a slow smile pointing at me. I have no choice but to run - so I do.
I start running back down the narrow path I came from, the only thing I could do at expertise at this point, crossing my fingers they hadn’t already discovered this path. I have no time to look back and check the speed of my assailant though, as the path back is full of filth and obstacles that I had taken my time before coming through that now block me from running at full speed. I duck under some sleek tents and hobble over the puddles of dirty water, feeling my heart race outside of my body, my full breath caught deep in my lungs and I figure I have not much more strength to plunge on when I see the dim light from the start of the tunnel like path and I wheeze my way though, steadying myself with the yoga breathing exercises Siwon had drilled into my head, the slight comfort that this person didn’t have a gun otherwise they would have shot me point blank by now and the mere hope that they had ran away since I can’t hear their footsteps behind me.
I stop running when I get to the entrance and turn around, willing myself to be forceful. This is how a murderer should think, not running away from fear - but to confront it. I cock my gun again, keeping my ears perked for any slight sound or vibration from the ground, but there’s no one from the path and no one in my area. Out of breath, I still stay focused, walking around with my gun pointed, and that’s when I see the tiniest infraction of a shadow hiding behind a wary box in the corner. I smirk as the gun clicks back - kill only for the kill - and I shut an eye and shoot, hearing the bullet whizz eerily by and the shelling case clatter on the ground. There’s a hint of commotion and a soft thud, but my instincts tell me to stay on edge and I prepare the gun again, getting closer to the intruder, ignoring my stomach flipping besides itself. I turn the corner over the box and see him, hidden behind that low cap, huddled to one side, but still defiant and without remorse. I click back the gun and make a little prayer - you can do this, I think, you can do it - and right when I’m about to finish the job, I hear a voice, just mere feet away and frantic.
“Don’t shoot him!” it’s Siwon. I look to my right and there he is, running from the other direction of the entrance, his feet soundless but his face in alarm, running quickly to my direction. I keep my gun focused, angry at the disruption and lack of confidence from my mentor. Who is he to tell me not to kill this waste of a life? I scowl, and prepare myself for the kill again, ignoring the look of the person below me, praying for nothing. “Don’t shoot him, Krystal!”
“And why not?”
“Because he’s my brother.”
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