Chained Lips;; Chapter 2.
CHAINED LIPS ;; PG-13
Part 2 [Part 1]
Sooyoung bites her tongue the day she and Sica finally manage to get away from the rest of the girls’ who have been bickering and constantly fighting about their love relationships, clothes and all the other non-trivial things in their lives. Sica and her go in the dressing room of some high end boutique store trying on frilly dresses when Sica quietly confesses to her that she thinks their manager read some of her texts when she carelessly left her cellphone in the living room and that he might know about her and Jonghyun and she’s scared he’s going to tell SM about their affair and she knows she has to break things off before it gets messy. Sooyoung just tries on an intricate grey chiffon number and keeps quiet because this is what she knew would happen all along, it’s the way the pattern of dating goes.
Sooyoung bites her tongue when it’s their last day before leaving to Japan and Sica tells her that she’s finally broken things off with Jonghyun and it’s for the best. She’s not crying, she’s smiling bravely and even though Sooyoung knows her heart is broken, she smiles back, secretly relieved that it’s over. But then someone at the door knocks even though it’s already 2:30 in the morning, and it’s Seohyun with a disheveled Jonghyun who looks like he hasn’t shaved or eaten in a week in tow and she announces shyly that he has something he needs to tell Sooyoung and Jessica and even though Sooyoung knows he really just wants to see Jessica, she tells Seohyun ‘okay’ as a cover and brings him inside their room and closes the door shut because Jessica has turned rigidly pale and is frozen on her bed at the sight of him in her room. And so Sooyoung backs away from him and goes back to her desk on her side of the room, not sure what she’s supposed to do, pretending the situation isn’t awkward even though it’s terribly awkward.
“Sooyoung, I’m sorry I actually came here to talk to Jessica but,”
“It’s okay, Jonghyun. She knows everything.”
“I could leave the room-“
“No, if you leave the room whoever is outside will get more suspicious,”
“Let me just check if the living room is free.”
Sooyoung walks into the hallway and checks the living room and Seohyun is sitting there with Tiffany and Taeyeon, giving her a suspicious glare. She knows they will know something is up if she leaves the room, so she heads back to her room unwillingly.
“-I know you said we were over, but I can’t let you go like this. I’ve been a mess, I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I can’t write music, I can’t concentrate on work, my brain won’t function, Sica. Everytime you ignore my calls or my texts I get more and more desperate but I can’t live without you. I’m dying. I need you.”
Sooyoung feels horrible walking back in and hearing the desperation and anxiety in Jonghyun’s voice. It’s hoarse and he’s on the verge of crying, but it’s too late for Sica who’s already sobbing uncontrollably. Sooyoung doesn’t know what she’s supposed to do or where she’s supposed to stand so she just goes to her miniscule desk-space and pretends to be on her laptop as Sica stands up and walks towards Jonghyun, giving him an apologetic hug, which makes him burst into tears and the whole thing is just a big, sad mess.
“It’s all my fault, I know, but I broke up with you because it’s going to be hard,”
“I can’t let you leave knowing that when you return, you won’t return to being mine,”
“Jonghyun,”
“Please, just give me one more chance. It won’t feel like you are in a relationship at all if you want, I promise. I am nothing without you,” He hesitates and Sooyoung can’t resist the urge to turn and watch as he looks into Jessica’s soft eyes and mutters the words every girl wants to hear: “I love you.”
The room becomes filled with a saccharine sweetness and Jessica practically leaps into his arms sobbing all the while and leaves an array of kisses on his entire face while muttering “I love you too,” and Jonghyun’s laughing and they are clearly in momentary bliss and Sooyoung can’t help but smile and laugh too, her own apple cheeks hurting from the cuteness. But then they start kissing passionately, roughly, tongues slipping in and out, lips chapped from the rough collisions, and Jessica’s sobbing still and becomes needy telling Jonghyun, “Don’t leave me, don’t leave me,” and his hands start roaming and trickling down Jessica’s body and all he can manage to say is “Sica, Sica” over and over in between the kissing, crying and clinginess.
Sooyoung knows she should look away, but it’s like they completely forget she’s there and she forgets that they forget about her and she can’t help but stare at their intimacy, their need and want to be with each other, touch each other, be one. Jonhgyun’s apparent hormones become increasingly out of control when Jessica’s wandering hands make their way down to his crotch and he lets out a loud ‘Fuuuuck, nooona’ as he fondles Jessica’s breasts and simultaneously sucks on her neck viciously, when suddenly Jessica manages to step out of her reverie and look at Sooyoung, and gain control of the situation, if only for a second.
“Jonghyun, stop…we can’t,”
“I can’t stop,”
“But, but, we’re not alone, we can’t.”
Sooyoung feels bad. If this was any of the other girls she would’ve immediately told them to fuck off and take their horniness elsewhere, but she knows it’s the real deal between these two, not some meaningless one night stand, so she bites her lips and makes a zipper motion with her fingers and turns back to her laptop and puts her $500 headphones on that are useless really because no matter what volume she maximizes them to, she can still hear everything clearly and tonight’s no exception.
So while she pretends to jam to her latest musical obsession and surf the internet and look for that Gucci purse she’s been eyeing for a while now, she can still hear the muffled grunts and moans and whimpers from the other side of the dimly lit room, and her ears perk up even more naturally when she hears the ruffles of sheets from Sica’s bed. Before things can get increasingly awkward, she climbs into her own bed, turning off the lights, clinging onto her mp3 player for sanctuary, but it’s really no use because the stifling groans on the other bed are becoming increasingly louder and Sooyoung feels like she should tell Sica to keep it down, afraid that the others might hear and burst in.
But Jonghyun seems to have the same worries because Sooyoung hears Sica’s screams being muffled and she doesn’t question how but she’s grateful and she tries to fall into an awkward slumber before their big flight tomorrow. When she stirs in her sleep a couple of times and wakes up, she finds their controlled and joint panting and heavy breathing somewhat soothing and Sooyoung can’t figure out why, and she wonders how they still have so much stamina for so many hours, but knows they have been probably bottling up that energy for sometime now, so she goes back to sleep letting their incessant and endless fucking be her nighttime lullaby.
Sooyoung bites her tongue when she wakes up the next morning expecting to see the two lovers cuddling and caressing each other sweetly, but is shockingly met with a solo Jessica who is finishing packing her things from the closet. Sooyoung tries to read her roommate’s face, trying to figure out if she’s absolutely heartbroken or if she’s in post-sexual bliss but she’s expressionless and it’s the first time in a long time that Sooyoung can’t read her expression. It kills her for a second, but she knows today is the worst day to bring up confrontation, so she drops it.
Sooyoung bites her tongue for the second time that day when she leaves her room after finishing packing, and Tiffany forcefully takes her aside grabbing her arm, and asks her “What the fuck happened last night?” and when she says “Don’t worry about it,” which agitates Tiffany even more who questions, “Why did Jonghyun come here so late? What did he want with you two? When did he leave? What were all those sounds?” Sooyoung hesitates before replying and just comes up with a measly, “We took care of it,” she knows Tiffany won’t let this go anytime soon but can’t think of any good alibis to say. But thankfully, Yoona comes into the room throwing a hissyfit over her lost pair of Louboutins and the household goes into an array of chaos before their flight and Sooyoung has less time to worry about covering for Jessica and Jonghyun.
Sooyoung bites her tongue a few weeks into their Japenese promotion when Jessica tells her that it’s really over between her and Jonghyun this time, that their manager had quietly pulled her aside and told her he knows about her affair with Jonghyun and it was in their best interest to stop dating and for her to stop leading him along. And Jessica hides her misery by going back to her long lost ice princess demeanor which Japan adoringly calls her by ‘Sica-sama’ eating up her walled persona. Sooyoung just can’t accept this and is on the verge of telling Sica she’s a big fat idiot for letting their manager dictate their life, when she gets a buzz in her pants and checks her latest text message that simply says, “I miss you,” and Sooyoung feels her own nerves crumble and her knees go weak and she remembers why she keeps biting her tongue for Jessica.
Sooyoung bites her tongue when they are walking back to their hotel room after finishing taping a Japanese variety show about sumo players months later and Sica’s misery is doubly apparent after she checks her phone which has no missed calls or text messages and Sooyoung finally just has to ask her something, anything.
“What’s better Sica, really? You being miserable without him in a different country and letting our manager break you guys up or you being miserable without him in a different country but knowing he’s waiting you for with open arms when you finally go home? That love you feel will never go away. It’s real.”
Sooyoung exchanges a glance with Jessica, who wakes up momentarily from her life-coma, before she responds back with one clear, pained emotion.
“Neither matters. It all hurts the same.”
And that’s when Sooyoung gets it. Gets all of it. Because it’s an exact cycle of what she already went through herself, what anyone goes through when they go past the forbidden rule of falling in love when you are an idol. Sooyoung bites her tongue for the last time and just tells Sica she loves her, and Jessica finally smiles and tells her she loves her back before walking in the elevator, and Sooyoung follows close behind, but not before she takes out her cellphone and finally texts Sungmin back with a simple,
“I miss you too.”