Days 15 through 12 and the Incarnation explained

Dec 08, 2007 16:16

 Y'see, this is what I was talking about.  I had four days in a row of 11+ hours without a single break but including hyper-hazardous road conditions and herculean frieght loads.  Staggering back up the stairs at the blessed end of the day it was as much as I could do to unlace the boots much less log on and greet my small but dear circle of lj-friends with wit and good-natured banter.  Collapse was more the order of the moment, and that I would do . . . much to the chagrin of my lovely wife who'd have to be the one to get my carcass up off the rug with a jury-rigged block and tackle system.  (I've got a few pounds and inches on her, I'm afraid.)

But it's the weekend now!  I'm fairly rested and ready to recount my madcap adventures as a Holiday Package Delivery Driver.

*thoughtful pause*

I, uh, worked my ass off.  *still searching for the funny*  Hmmm . . .

Well, if you're interested in a weather report:


CHOOSE YOUR CAPTION:
a)  Cold enough for ya?
b)  It's beginning to look a lot like somebody's gonna lose an eye!
c)  No that's not an icicle.  The building IS happy to see you.

Tuesday the roads were fatal, by which I mean, I inched past an accident scene where someone died.  They were fishing the cars out of ditches left and right (or right and left depending on which direction you're driving or if you're Jewish).  We'd get one day for the snow to fall, get all wet and sloppy, turning the road to snot, then we'd get a clear day where the sun would melt the surface snow, but the deep cold would freeze the layer underneath.  In a big aluminum van with very little weight over the back tires (throughout the day you're delivering your weight to other people remember), it's less like driving and more like skating.  This is why I go slow, often to the frustration of those who are in too much of a hurry, pass me in an irksome rage, then end up skidding out of control into the ditch for me to drive past slowly . . . not smirking, I swear.

I saw some signs that stuck in my mind, though.  One of the home decor centers I deliver to had a sign out front that said, "WE HAVE WILDLIFE AREA RUGS".  Well, that's a nice sentiment, trying to make the habitat pleasant and all, but won't the wildlife just shit on them?  I could never figure out decor.

And this sign I should really save for the Sunday post, but DAMNIT I'm gonna use it now!  I saw this Wednesday and was so blown away by it I had to bring the camera on Thursday to document it.


There's the context, but let me give you the details on the reader board:


Adjust your theology accordingly.  If the Lord is anything like me, he came for the rates but stayed for the frig.

Oh, and if you're wondering about the stats, here's the averages:

Average working outdoor temp:  3f/ -16c 
Time on the clock: 11+ hours each day
Average time leaving the shop:  8:40
Break:  none (not one - barely time to race to the bathroom around 2pm)
Miles:  785
Stops:  338
Packages Delivered:  526
Packages Picked Up:  177

Eleven more days of this shit to go.  Luckily, all my personal Christmas stuff is DONE.  One guy asks me, "So, you all ready for Christmas?"  I guess he was wanting to do a cold enough for ya but decided to go with the holiday theme instead.  "Yeah, actually," I told him.  He looked at me as if we'd been playing a game and I'd just cheated.  "No way," he judged, obviously not sure whether to believe me.  But I nodded, got his signature for the packages, and smiled as I walked out.

Okay, truth to tell, it wasn't so much of a smile as a smirk.  Sometimes the smirk is appropriate.

holidays, shit-you-not, work, signs

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