(no subject)
"your my boy", "your a fucking monster", "thats a guy id go to war with", "i got your back, you know this", thats a crazy ass white boy right there, i love it". These are the words of my wrestling coach, the ones i can rememebr anyways. these are the words of three of the most influential people in my life. You may wonder how the hell these words are influential, or why the hell they would fucking mean anything at all, but they do. I'm not saying any of my other friends aren't as influential, many of my friends, and family, like my bother, (and sister, who i both love) were there for me just as much as my three coaches.
I'm not wrestling next year. my coach knows this. but i havent told him yet. he just knows. because we know eachother. because hes seen my go to the brink of insanity, and come back alive. hes seen me want to die. hes seen me give it my all like no other.
but today when i went to pick up my brother is when i knew these guys have meant every word they've ever said to me. and i mean every word. he sat me down and said, "trackstar (thats me) i love you man. you know this. your always welcome in this room. no matter what. because you worked your ass off. now if you were an asshole, it would be different. but you werent an asshole. you know i always got your back man, if you got a prblem man, you got my number. its all good. your my kid. your always gonna be my kid. you dont got to be afraid. your always welcome in this room." thats more or less what he said.
they are inspiration. they are pride poise courage and all that other lame crap that mater dei beats into your fucking brain. and they hate mater dei, with a passion, which is another reason they are so cool. they are the reason i am the person i am today. because they taught me to not to give up, even when i wanted to. because you cant fucking get up. you know what they'd tell you they'd say, "just fucking go out there and fucking get the job done" and that didnt just go for wrestling. thats the mentallity i tool with me into everything i did. just fucking do it, even if you dont want to, even if you think you can, because you just fucking have to, no matter what, just fucking get it done, go home, then fucking do it again the next day.
and up until today when i picked scott up, i felt like i failed them. but now i know there proud of me, whether im wrestling or not. because im there fucking boy.
sorry if this entry bored you i just thought id write something of substance for once.
I'm not wrestling next year. my coach knows this. but i havent told him yet. he just knows. because we know eachother. because hes seen my go to the brink of insanity, and come back alive. hes seen me want to die. hes seen me give it my all like no other.
but today when i went to pick up my brother is when i knew these guys have meant every word they've ever said to me. and i mean every word. he sat me down and said, "trackstar (thats me) i love you man. you know this. your always welcome in this room. no matter what. because you worked your ass off. now if you were an asshole, it would be different. but you werent an asshole. you know i always got your back man, if you got a prblem man, you got my number. its all good. your my kid. your always gonna be my kid. you dont got to be afraid. your always welcome in this room." thats more or less what he said.
they are inspiration. they are pride poise courage and all that other lame crap that mater dei beats into your fucking brain. and they hate mater dei, with a passion, which is another reason they are so cool. they are the reason i am the person i am today. because they taught me to not to give up, even when i wanted to. because you cant fucking get up. you know what they'd tell you they'd say, "just fucking go out there and fucking get the job done" and that didnt just go for wrestling. thats the mentallity i tool with me into everything i did. just fucking do it, even if you dont want to, even if you think you can, because you just fucking have to, no matter what, just fucking get it done, go home, then fucking do it again the next day.
and up until today when i picked scott up, i felt like i failed them. but now i know there proud of me, whether im wrestling or not. because im there fucking boy.
sorry if this entry bored you i just thought id write something of substance for once.