Fic: Minutes (crackfic)
Just to prove I'm alive and back, and ready to start working again on the AU of Doom, here's a crackfic that came to me after being awake for 27 hours getting back from Budapest this past week.
Title: Minutes
Bob/Harry
Word Count: 1008 words
Rating: Kid-safe (humor)
Synopsis: Board meeting minutes (huh, you thought I meant something about time? Something romantic? I said crack, meant crack) of Bob's club.
The Sheridan LeFanu Society (formerly The Association of Independent Ghostly Beings)
Board Meeting, October 15, 2007
Minutes
Present: Hrothbert of Bainbridge (Chairman), Casper (Vice-Chairman), Moaning Myrtle (Recording Secretary), Nearly Headless Nick (Sergeant At Arms), Woman in White (board), Guy Fawkes (board), HRH Anne Boleyn (board), Mary Surrat (board); The Hon. Mr. A. Lincoln (former board member, now general membership), Sir Walter Raleigh (general membership), Ghost of Christmas Past (general membership), Sir Simon de Canterville (former board member, now general membership).
The meeting began late, and it really just figured, because Hrothbert and Casper were sitting around, discussing, as usual, the difficulties of being in relationships with magical humans. I am so tired of hearing about Harry and Wendy that I went off to the ladies' toilet, and The Woman in Brown got scared when the plumbing got flummoxed and she left before the meeting actually started. I don't know why everyone blames everything on me. Anyway, Hrothbert told me to keep her off of the attendance list.
The first thing we had to discuss, which bored me to no end, just like Professor Binns' history lessons, was whether the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come is actually a ghost and therefore eligible for membership. Hrothbert is of the stuck-up position that you can't be a ghost if you aren't a dead person yet, and since the Ghost of Future Yet to Come isn't a dead-yet person, he's a spirit and not eligible. Casper agrees with him, the little snot. I think being semi-non-existent's quite good enough, but does anyone ask me? They need to go home and do whatever it is they do with their sort-of-human dates. Personally I think Casper and Wendy are more underage than me but pissy old Hrothbert says that they've been around long enough to be legal if it even matters how old ghosts are when they - well, we, I suppose… ick. I don't want to think about that. Hermione Granger and that skinny redheaded weasel-boy are more than I want to know about that kind of business. Hrothbert's got sex on the brain.
So anyway, that question got tabled when the Ghost of Christmas Present got in a huff and went for a drink. He says Christmas Yet to Come told him to raise the question, and he doesn't personally care what anyone decides. Casper says Christmas Yet to Come needs to come to a meeting to discuss it himself. I don't care what anyone decides either.
Anyway, then we had the question of whether the Blue-Eyed Six are eligible to join, and, if so, as a group or individually. They're some sort of American ghosts who do everything together in something Hrothbert says Americans call a posse. Although one shows up by himself to haunt some church in some dinky little town in Pennsylvania, which is where all of them are from. Sir Walter Raleigh and Mr. Lincoln will look into the question and report back at the next board meeting, as if anyone really cares.
There was a break at which time Hrothbert and Casper got into some sort of gossiping with Sir Walter about humans, and Hrothbert got back onto his business about his supposedly adorable wizard boyfriend. I wish all the stupid adult ghosts AND Casper would quit the stuff about sex. I just don't care and I don't know why anyone else does. Except for Olive, who never would shut up about it - but then, she wasn't a ghost either. And Hermione and Harry Potter and the red-haired weasels, who aren't very much ghosts either, they're wizards like Hrothbert's boyfriend, only his boyfriend didn't go to Hogwarts, so I can't see how he's a very good wizard.
The break was broken up when Sergeant-At-Arms Nearly Headless Nick stopped an argument between Miss Mary Surrat and Mr. Lincoln. Question from Hrothbert whether Mary Surrat should remain, as she is a senior member to Mr. Lincoln, or Mr. Lincoln should remain, as Miss Surrat was in a conspiracy to kill Mr. Lincoln before she herself died. Casper suggested that Miss Surrat and Mr. Lincoln should always sit on opposite sides of the room, while Sir Walter and Sir Simon suggested that a good duel would settle everything. I can't wait to see what they do to each other at the next meeting both attend.
Social events remaining for the season:
Guy Fawkes Party held by Mr. Guy Fawkes, at the Houses of Parliament. Haunting permissible, explosions prohibited.
Christmas dinner party at Wessex Castle, to be held by the ghosts of Wessex Castle. Who are a bunch of stuffy bores in my opinion.
Hogmanay celebration, Balmoral.
Hrothbert and The Lady in Brown will sponsor a football party for something called the Super Bowl in Chicago. Everyone going will meet at Hrothbert's home and he will escort them to an appropriate viewing location. He mentioned the home of someone named Murphy. The Woman in Brown insists that this Murphy is a ghost connected with an event called the Great Chicago Fire but Hrothbert disagrees. Hrothbert apologizes for not using his home for the party but he says Harry can't keep his television repaired. Apparently it is also from the time of the Great Chicago Fire if Hrothbert is telling the truth. I didn't think they had televisions then, but I don't know much about American wizards.
There will be an ad hoc (whatever that means) bylaws committee reviewing elections and voting procedure, and the blackball system for the board to vote on new memberships, to be appointed at the next meeting. Piss on having to vote for members.
Next meeting will be third reading for application for membership of Cosmo Topper.
Respectfully submitted (hah),
Moaning Myrtle
Recording Secretary
PS, Hrothbert, if you don't quit bothering everyone, by whom I mean me, with stories about you and your boyfriend, I am going to resign, or else run for chairman myself. And I want biscuits and tea at meetings. And no, I am not whining. Not. So there. Casper whines, not me.
MM
Title: Minutes
Bob/Harry
Word Count: 1008 words
Rating: Kid-safe (humor)
Synopsis: Board meeting minutes (huh, you thought I meant something about time? Something romantic? I said crack, meant crack) of Bob's club.
The Sheridan LeFanu Society (formerly The Association of Independent Ghostly Beings)
Board Meeting, October 15, 2007
Minutes
Present: Hrothbert of Bainbridge (Chairman), Casper (Vice-Chairman), Moaning Myrtle (Recording Secretary), Nearly Headless Nick (Sergeant At Arms), Woman in White (board), Guy Fawkes (board), HRH Anne Boleyn (board), Mary Surrat (board); The Hon. Mr. A. Lincoln (former board member, now general membership), Sir Walter Raleigh (general membership), Ghost of Christmas Past (general membership), Sir Simon de Canterville (former board member, now general membership).
The meeting began late, and it really just figured, because Hrothbert and Casper were sitting around, discussing, as usual, the difficulties of being in relationships with magical humans. I am so tired of hearing about Harry and Wendy that I went off to the ladies' toilet, and The Woman in Brown got scared when the plumbing got flummoxed and she left before the meeting actually started. I don't know why everyone blames everything on me. Anyway, Hrothbert told me to keep her off of the attendance list.
The first thing we had to discuss, which bored me to no end, just like Professor Binns' history lessons, was whether the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come is actually a ghost and therefore eligible for membership. Hrothbert is of the stuck-up position that you can't be a ghost if you aren't a dead person yet, and since the Ghost of Future Yet to Come isn't a dead-yet person, he's a spirit and not eligible. Casper agrees with him, the little snot. I think being semi-non-existent's quite good enough, but does anyone ask me? They need to go home and do whatever it is they do with their sort-of-human dates. Personally I think Casper and Wendy are more underage than me but pissy old Hrothbert says that they've been around long enough to be legal if it even matters how old ghosts are when they - well, we, I suppose… ick. I don't want to think about that. Hermione Granger and that skinny redheaded weasel-boy are more than I want to know about that kind of business. Hrothbert's got sex on the brain.
So anyway, that question got tabled when the Ghost of Christmas Present got in a huff and went for a drink. He says Christmas Yet to Come told him to raise the question, and he doesn't personally care what anyone decides. Casper says Christmas Yet to Come needs to come to a meeting to discuss it himself. I don't care what anyone decides either.
Anyway, then we had the question of whether the Blue-Eyed Six are eligible to join, and, if so, as a group or individually. They're some sort of American ghosts who do everything together in something Hrothbert says Americans call a posse. Although one shows up by himself to haunt some church in some dinky little town in Pennsylvania, which is where all of them are from. Sir Walter Raleigh and Mr. Lincoln will look into the question and report back at the next board meeting, as if anyone really cares.
There was a break at which time Hrothbert and Casper got into some sort of gossiping with Sir Walter about humans, and Hrothbert got back onto his business about his supposedly adorable wizard boyfriend. I wish all the stupid adult ghosts AND Casper would quit the stuff about sex. I just don't care and I don't know why anyone else does. Except for Olive, who never would shut up about it - but then, she wasn't a ghost either. And Hermione and Harry Potter and the red-haired weasels, who aren't very much ghosts either, they're wizards like Hrothbert's boyfriend, only his boyfriend didn't go to Hogwarts, so I can't see how he's a very good wizard.
The break was broken up when Sergeant-At-Arms Nearly Headless Nick stopped an argument between Miss Mary Surrat and Mr. Lincoln. Question from Hrothbert whether Mary Surrat should remain, as she is a senior member to Mr. Lincoln, or Mr. Lincoln should remain, as Miss Surrat was in a conspiracy to kill Mr. Lincoln before she herself died. Casper suggested that Miss Surrat and Mr. Lincoln should always sit on opposite sides of the room, while Sir Walter and Sir Simon suggested that a good duel would settle everything. I can't wait to see what they do to each other at the next meeting both attend.
Social events remaining for the season:
Guy Fawkes Party held by Mr. Guy Fawkes, at the Houses of Parliament. Haunting permissible, explosions prohibited.
Christmas dinner party at Wessex Castle, to be held by the ghosts of Wessex Castle. Who are a bunch of stuffy bores in my opinion.
Hogmanay celebration, Balmoral.
Hrothbert and The Lady in Brown will sponsor a football party for something called the Super Bowl in Chicago. Everyone going will meet at Hrothbert's home and he will escort them to an appropriate viewing location. He mentioned the home of someone named Murphy. The Woman in Brown insists that this Murphy is a ghost connected with an event called the Great Chicago Fire but Hrothbert disagrees. Hrothbert apologizes for not using his home for the party but he says Harry can't keep his television repaired. Apparently it is also from the time of the Great Chicago Fire if Hrothbert is telling the truth. I didn't think they had televisions then, but I don't know much about American wizards.
There will be an ad hoc (whatever that means) bylaws committee reviewing elections and voting procedure, and the blackball system for the board to vote on new memberships, to be appointed at the next meeting. Piss on having to vote for members.
Next meeting will be third reading for application for membership of Cosmo Topper.
Respectfully submitted (hah),
Moaning Myrtle
Recording Secretary
PS, Hrothbert, if you don't quit bothering everyone, by whom I mean me, with stories about you and your boyfriend, I am going to resign, or else run for chairman myself. And I want biscuits and tea at meetings. And no, I am not whining. Not. So there. Casper whines, not me.
MM