tada!
you know what i like about this place? its always here! i can literally go back through the years and its always gonna be here. why? cuz this is the internet! never lost, just hidden :D
i have had the urge to write again lately, so here i am. to note, today i am 23 days sober. I have decided to go for 1000 days sober. It is going to be immensely difficult when summer comes because i LOVE margaritas. They are part of the reason that I live here in Texas. Yes, I said Texas ((8 year old Jackie faints)) hahah.
I just get really really mad when i start to think about all the money i have wasted on alcohol. Not to get tomuch into it but heres a head scratcher: if i live my life where i go out at least twice a week (lets say friday and saturday) I will spend at least $20 at a bar. (4X$5 or 2x$8 whatever) THEN i will want to probably get something to eat bc, at this point im drunk. so i spend maybe 10 more dollars. and if this isnt enough, I will then probably take a yoga class bc i "feel fat" and spend at least $7-$10 there, then $3 on a huge ass water bottle, not to mention if Im feeling super hungover the next day I am going to get a vitamin water and a burger so thats $8 +$3. If you have been keeping track thats $54 a weekend. THATS IF I GO OUT ONLY TWICE. i used to go out more often then that. thats at least $108 a pay check, at least $216 a month. thats at least $1296 in only 6 months. THAT MEANS ITS $2592 A YEAR! MINIMUMMMMMMM! you know i dont like to do shots alone- so ill pay for yours. ITs just too expensive, and fattening. and i act like even more of an ass than i already am so... no, thanks!
The only thing I have left is smoking. Welllllll about that... you see I used to love smoking. but what i really liked about smoking, was who i was smoking with, and then when we all went back to our own individual dorm rooms, i would lock the door, put on some great tunes in my headphones and whack off with mr purple and have an amazing time. thats what made me like to smoke weed. flash forward to now. it makes me slow. like it literally just makes me want to sit down and do nothing...but really i want to do EVERYTHING! like i want to start painting, and i want to sew myself some cute stuff, and maybe even diddle on the sax, and take bella for a walk, have clean dishes/a clean kitchen, have all my clothes put away, etc. weed does not allow me to do any of this, and yet still i huff and puff. Dont get me wrong, i still enjoy it with most ppl, but again i just get really annoying. And stoned sex makes it hard for me to have sober sex- which is a fact i dont like. Lastly, I got a cold last week. Thankfully, I was only sick a week, but the cough and the "wet" feeling in my lungs that leaves me hacking, spiting up gooey stuff, and makes my lungs burn has NOT left me. In fact, it has evolved from that infected greenish yellow, to a thick clear which makes me think that maybe ive caused/reached a certain amount of lung damage that my body is trying to create a wet protective barrier to help guard it from the irritation of smoke.
easier said than done, folks.
thats all i want to talk about right now. til tomorrow, maybe :D
i have had the urge to write again lately, so here i am. to note, today i am 23 days sober. I have decided to go for 1000 days sober. It is going to be immensely difficult when summer comes because i LOVE margaritas. They are part of the reason that I live here in Texas. Yes, I said Texas ((8 year old Jackie faints)) hahah.
I just get really really mad when i start to think about all the money i have wasted on alcohol. Not to get tomuch into it but heres a head scratcher: if i live my life where i go out at least twice a week (lets say friday and saturday) I will spend at least $20 at a bar. (4X$5 or 2x$8 whatever) THEN i will want to probably get something to eat bc, at this point im drunk. so i spend maybe 10 more dollars. and if this isnt enough, I will then probably take a yoga class bc i "feel fat" and spend at least $7-$10 there, then $3 on a huge ass water bottle, not to mention if Im feeling super hungover the next day I am going to get a vitamin water and a burger so thats $8 +$3. If you have been keeping track thats $54 a weekend. THATS IF I GO OUT ONLY TWICE. i used to go out more often then that. thats at least $108 a pay check, at least $216 a month. thats at least $1296 in only 6 months. THAT MEANS ITS $2592 A YEAR! MINIMUMMMMMMM! you know i dont like to do shots alone- so ill pay for yours. ITs just too expensive, and fattening. and i act like even more of an ass than i already am so... no, thanks!
The only thing I have left is smoking. Welllllll about that... you see I used to love smoking. but what i really liked about smoking, was who i was smoking with, and then when we all went back to our own individual dorm rooms, i would lock the door, put on some great tunes in my headphones and whack off with mr purple and have an amazing time. thats what made me like to smoke weed. flash forward to now. it makes me slow. like it literally just makes me want to sit down and do nothing...but really i want to do EVERYTHING! like i want to start painting, and i want to sew myself some cute stuff, and maybe even diddle on the sax, and take bella for a walk, have clean dishes/a clean kitchen, have all my clothes put away, etc. weed does not allow me to do any of this, and yet still i huff and puff. Dont get me wrong, i still enjoy it with most ppl, but again i just get really annoying. And stoned sex makes it hard for me to have sober sex- which is a fact i dont like. Lastly, I got a cold last week. Thankfully, I was only sick a week, but the cough and the "wet" feeling in my lungs that leaves me hacking, spiting up gooey stuff, and makes my lungs burn has NOT left me. In fact, it has evolved from that infected greenish yellow, to a thick clear which makes me think that maybe ive caused/reached a certain amount of lung damage that my body is trying to create a wet protective barrier to help guard it from the irritation of smoke.
easier said than done, folks.
thats all i want to talk about right now. til tomorrow, maybe :D