motherly advice, my mother never actually said...
Dearrrrr Jacqueline:
Well, here goes nothin! youhave 28 days left (yes, i just re-read that suicidal threat of a 6 month countdown- this is nothing like that) tho that post had major valid points, i think we need to step back and re-evaluate more specifically, instead of "doing it all" at once.
first, i think you need to realize that every real man wants una dama en la sala y una puta en la cama... sure, every guy wants to fuck the bad girl... but they want to go home to the good girl. So for 24, lets work on the lady-like stuff, ok? i would say lets give up swearing (but i know that would be such a challenge that you will forgo the whole operation) but lets try the drinking and the smoking.
seriously jackie, smoking pot is weird- its just WEIRD. it doesnt make you any funnier (tho you tend to think of better words to use) but HAVE YOU HEARD YOURSELF HIGH? its like... well its like a faucet or running water. refreshing, yes, but also it just goes on and on... and eventually it just all runs together and needs to be turned off. YOU ARE FUNNY! you do not need pot to make you funny. it doesnt make you any smarter- in fact you sound like a bumbling IDIOT. and really, it doesnt change your personality much while you are high- because you have a NATURAL high. its when you are SOBER and off the pot the next few days that you become UNBEARABLE!! you are grouchy, and crabby, and bitchy, and short, and tired, and you cant focus right... it just throws you off. so lets go back to that uptight attitude, shall we? good.
we just need a little more TACT. i know, i know, this will be a hard concept for u to grasp. (hard in the sense that you think it will be super easy, then you realize just how drastic of a change it really is)
the drinking... well as much as we love a good drink, literally darlings i think we should try to stay in a size range. i know you are not happy where you are now- not that its bad, its just you can afford to fit in those SUPER cute looks- which is SUCH A SAD SAD SHAME! so lets work on cutting out the calories, ok?
NEEEEEEEEXT- and i know this may seem like a lot of things, jackie i really do, but i want you to start taking better care of your body- in every way possible. in fact, i think i want you to become MATICULOUS about it. we need to do this because- as much as you do not want to accept it- you will be ruining your body one day with a spawn. so lets have some golden years, eh?!
id also like to take the time to add to this clause that this is how we should be treating steve as well, that wonderful man of yours.
ok so thats not that bad is it? just cut out the crap that makes you look bad and costs you money, ok? is that easier for u to understand you vain jew you?! hahah!
i love you, i really do- but it is time to get ready to step aside, and get out of the way of yourself.
NO MORE TALK about it- JUST DO IT
in fact, one last thing before you go- i want you to start practicing the art of silence.
i want you to listen, i want you to think before you speak, and if you do speak i want to hear you talk in questions. think about a psychologist... they dont do shit! they practice the above clause everyday and get paid big bucks to do so- PLUS people keep going back to them! what a strange concept, eh?
but you go get your beauty rest now. we shall talk more about this in the morrow.
Well, here goes nothin! youhave 28 days left (yes, i just re-read that suicidal threat of a 6 month countdown- this is nothing like that) tho that post had major valid points, i think we need to step back and re-evaluate more specifically, instead of "doing it all" at once.
first, i think you need to realize that every real man wants una dama en la sala y una puta en la cama... sure, every guy wants to fuck the bad girl... but they want to go home to the good girl. So for 24, lets work on the lady-like stuff, ok? i would say lets give up swearing (but i know that would be such a challenge that you will forgo the whole operation) but lets try the drinking and the smoking.
seriously jackie, smoking pot is weird- its just WEIRD. it doesnt make you any funnier (tho you tend to think of better words to use) but HAVE YOU HEARD YOURSELF HIGH? its like... well its like a faucet or running water. refreshing, yes, but also it just goes on and on... and eventually it just all runs together and needs to be turned off. YOU ARE FUNNY! you do not need pot to make you funny. it doesnt make you any smarter- in fact you sound like a bumbling IDIOT. and really, it doesnt change your personality much while you are high- because you have a NATURAL high. its when you are SOBER and off the pot the next few days that you become UNBEARABLE!! you are grouchy, and crabby, and bitchy, and short, and tired, and you cant focus right... it just throws you off. so lets go back to that uptight attitude, shall we? good.
we just need a little more TACT. i know, i know, this will be a hard concept for u to grasp. (hard in the sense that you think it will be super easy, then you realize just how drastic of a change it really is)
the drinking... well as much as we love a good drink, literally darlings i think we should try to stay in a size range. i know you are not happy where you are now- not that its bad, its just you can afford to fit in those SUPER cute looks- which is SUCH A SAD SAD SHAME! so lets work on cutting out the calories, ok?
NEEEEEEEEXT- and i know this may seem like a lot of things, jackie i really do, but i want you to start taking better care of your body- in every way possible. in fact, i think i want you to become MATICULOUS about it. we need to do this because- as much as you do not want to accept it- you will be ruining your body one day with a spawn. so lets have some golden years, eh?!
id also like to take the time to add to this clause that this is how we should be treating steve as well, that wonderful man of yours.
ok so thats not that bad is it? just cut out the crap that makes you look bad and costs you money, ok? is that easier for u to understand you vain jew you?! hahah!
i love you, i really do- but it is time to get ready to step aside, and get out of the way of yourself.
NO MORE TALK about it- JUST DO IT
in fact, one last thing before you go- i want you to start practicing the art of silence.
i want you to listen, i want you to think before you speak, and if you do speak i want to hear you talk in questions. think about a psychologist... they dont do shit! they practice the above clause everyday and get paid big bucks to do so- PLUS people keep going back to them! what a strange concept, eh?
but you go get your beauty rest now. we shall talk more about this in the morrow.