(no subject)
What I really enjoy most about life is my relationships with others, this is no secret. There are but a few people I have known that truly understand what it means and what it takes to truly get to know someone else, to really get inside how they think and how they feel and understand them as much as humanly possible. These are the kinds of connections I've dreamed about, consciously and subconsciously, for my whole life. I have experienced these connections in fleeting terms, and at the root of everything I believe it is what I live for. I'd like to believe it is what we should all live for, really, but I fear that the material desires of our civilization get in the way for most people. It's not about money or fame, it's about people, it's about being understood and understanding others. There is a vague Emerson quote I've always championed, but probably for the wrong reasons. "To be great is to be misunderstood". I don't know what it's from or what he meant by that, and it doesn't matter...because everything is up to interpretation, right? I used to love this quote because [in high school] it somehow made it okay to be weird, to be different. To not feel as though you have to fit into the 'norm', because being misunderstood just meant that people were self absorbed and not willing to get out of their box and experience a new point of view. As I think on this now, I believe it is more than that...to be misunderstood may mean that some of us are on a different level, some sort of advanced plane of existence, of higher thinking that the masses have not achieved because they have not yet seen the need for it for their vision is clouded by societal bullshit or they are incapable of seeing it in the first place. We can be called weird all day long but we can lead a much more fulfilling life by finding out ways to push the limits and expand our imaginations and ranges of emotion and achieve something better than the average person could ever dream of. We can be experiencing true elation, intense fulfillment, and [insert other extreme positive emotions that our language has yet to be able to describe] while they're bitching about the bills they have to pay and that they think their spouse is cheating on them. I want to be bigger than that. I want to aspire to higher things - enlightenment if you will. I want to dare to live up to my potential. I think part of the reason I gave up on monogamy is because of this idea. How can one expect to achieve this true fulfillment by having most of your emotional interactions in your life with only one other person? I like the idea of the soulmate, the completion of ones' self in this manner, but I can't seem to wrap my brain around it anymore. Everyone is unique and has amazing things to offer to me so why should I limit myself? Why should I cut myself off from the beauty of others, from the potential experiences that we could share? I think that we as humans have blocked ourselves from having these experiences in so many ways, creating this society with so many expectations that, to me, do not seem natural. I want to defy all of this. I want create something bigger than myself, strive to experience things that no one has experienced.