How many roads must a man walk?
I've been struggling lately with what to do with my life.
I've been adrift on this question, more or less, since I left high school. Except for mission trips and my first two years of college, I guess I've been wondering what I should be doing the rest of that time.
See, my family has no family business. My mother taught elementary school, and my father was a sheriff's deputy. There was no family business for me to follow in. I want to live and work for Jesus in whatever I do, but that does little to make the decision clear, because Christians can serve God in their work in almost any field. I asked God what He wants me to do for a career. I asked my friends to pray for me and tell me what God told them about me. The response I got back more than any other response was that God wants me to pick a path; that He will help me with it.
I have multiple talents. It's sort of nice that I can help people in a variety of ways, but having multiple options for a career is not pleasant. I know that may seem crazy to some people, but it stinks to have so many options you don't know where to start. I'm sort of a jack-of-all-trades. I'm not skilled enough at enough things to be a Rennaissance man.
And I have limitations. Because of certain factors of my life, I am uncomfortable with the prospect of handling food preparation for strangers. Because of my body thermostat, I can't work outside regularly. Because of my lack of depth perception, I can't fly fighter planes and am uncomfortable with driving large vehicles. Because of my sinus problems, I will probably never become a DJ, not that DJs do what they used to.
I'm not complaining I can't do anything. Far from it, these limitations still leave an intimidating number of options on the career buffet. They just represent a few of the things I might have chosen to do.
My best skills, for what it is worth, better or worse, are in thinking about things and then talking about them. Ironically, that seems to be, from the hype in the media and in the classroom, a large part of the new economy. Unfortunately, no one has offered me a job doing it.
And I must have work. I cannot simply do this for a side ministry, because I must eat, and no one has offered to support me as a missionary to... the Internet? I don't think I could accept the offer if it came. And in addition to supporting myself, I still need a fairly stable income to be attractive to a responsible woman.
I have not met my wife yet, but I want her to be confident I can support my family, however many people end up being in it.
I have a pressing, even haunting desire to not waste this time I've been given. And in all of this, I am still, though I have been an adult for over a decade, a small and frightened child, watching and listening to hear what would please my Father.
I want my life to be wholly devoted to God.
Which is my current question. Am I going in the right direction preparing for a stable job in a career as a copy editor? Or am I wrong in that, and should I instead be focusing all my efforts on completeing more novels, on getting them published, and on getting people to buy them and read them?
Nothing is clear to me between these two. And the nagging question comes whether the choice should even be between these, or if I should be doing something else. It is a terrible burden to have an important choice under your umbrella of responsibility.
Who am I? And what should I be doing with this life I have?
I've been adrift on this question, more or less, since I left high school. Except for mission trips and my first two years of college, I guess I've been wondering what I should be doing the rest of that time.
See, my family has no family business. My mother taught elementary school, and my father was a sheriff's deputy. There was no family business for me to follow in. I want to live and work for Jesus in whatever I do, but that does little to make the decision clear, because Christians can serve God in their work in almost any field. I asked God what He wants me to do for a career. I asked my friends to pray for me and tell me what God told them about me. The response I got back more than any other response was that God wants me to pick a path; that He will help me with it.
I have multiple talents. It's sort of nice that I can help people in a variety of ways, but having multiple options for a career is not pleasant. I know that may seem crazy to some people, but it stinks to have so many options you don't know where to start. I'm sort of a jack-of-all-trades. I'm not skilled enough at enough things to be a Rennaissance man.
And I have limitations. Because of certain factors of my life, I am uncomfortable with the prospect of handling food preparation for strangers. Because of my body thermostat, I can't work outside regularly. Because of my lack of depth perception, I can't fly fighter planes and am uncomfortable with driving large vehicles. Because of my sinus problems, I will probably never become a DJ, not that DJs do what they used to.
I'm not complaining I can't do anything. Far from it, these limitations still leave an intimidating number of options on the career buffet. They just represent a few of the things I might have chosen to do.
My best skills, for what it is worth, better or worse, are in thinking about things and then talking about them. Ironically, that seems to be, from the hype in the media and in the classroom, a large part of the new economy. Unfortunately, no one has offered me a job doing it.
And I must have work. I cannot simply do this for a side ministry, because I must eat, and no one has offered to support me as a missionary to... the Internet? I don't think I could accept the offer if it came. And in addition to supporting myself, I still need a fairly stable income to be attractive to a responsible woman.
I have not met my wife yet, but I want her to be confident I can support my family, however many people end up being in it.
I have a pressing, even haunting desire to not waste this time I've been given. And in all of this, I am still, though I have been an adult for over a decade, a small and frightened child, watching and listening to hear what would please my Father.
I want my life to be wholly devoted to God.
Which is my current question. Am I going in the right direction preparing for a stable job in a career as a copy editor? Or am I wrong in that, and should I instead be focusing all my efforts on completeing more novels, on getting them published, and on getting people to buy them and read them?
Nothing is clear to me between these two. And the nagging question comes whether the choice should even be between these, or if I should be doing something else. It is a terrible burden to have an important choice under your umbrella of responsibility.
Who am I? And what should I be doing with this life I have?