Ruth compared to my ideal wife.

[skreyola]

Remember this? The bolded statements are true of Ruth. The italicized parts are statements I changed. The red statements were wrong. The regular text is items I don't yet know.

She is a Christian. She respects me. I believe she has flexibility in dealing with people and events. She is free from addictions. She is 100% non-smoker. She is committed

Comments

[godwillnspire]

Phew, awfully specific there bud! Hope it works out for you- I've run far away from lists like that :P

[skreyola]

The importance of each item is inversely related to its position in the list. I think it's important to know what you want so you'll know it when you see it. I think it would have taken me a lot longer to feel as comfortable as I do about her if I hadn't taken the time to describe what I really wanted beforehand. Also, having done that, I know I'm not deluding myself about details, thinking I wanted X because she has X, when what I would have wanted was Y.

[godwillnspire]

The extremly important things aside (is she a genuine believer... and maybe some other things), perhaps X is better for you, even if you didn't realize it until you experienced it. There are many gifts from God which are not understood until they are had, and many gifts which are rejected because of a vision that was too narrow.

I'm not saying you don't have a case, and, like I said, if it's what you're going to do, I hope it works out for you.

[skreyola]

I assure you that I will do and accept whatever God says I should.

[godwillnspire]

Your determination to follow Him is comforting.

[skreyola]

The list is not the end all and be all of the relationship. It's just one guide among many.

I dare to disagree.

[princess1979]

Suppose you need a car. Do you go shopping for one without any idea of what you want? Or do you go with a general list of what your car needs to have, as well as a few preferences?
Clearly you would not just walk around used car lots and then pick the first car that was priced right. No, you would check the car’s mileage, if it had been in any accidents, etc. Now suppose you find a car that is perfect for your needs, but it isn’t the color you want, or it has tape deck instead of a CD player.
You would, I hope, still purchase it because it fills what you need in all the important areas. A mature person can recognize that a quality car might not come in the package they expect.
But does that mean that if you find a car that is the color you like and is perfect for your needs, that you should assume it’s too good to be true? Or that you should be looking for something else? I think not.

Re: I dare to disagree.

[godwillnspire]

Well, right, but what I'm saying is that perhaps we are too quick to call one thing or another a "need" in a potential spouse. Plus, perhaps we have romantic needs that we don't know about yet.

Re: I dare to disagree.

[skreyola]

If it's an area where disagreement is likely to cause domestic problems, I would consider it a need.
Romantic needs are in two categories. Either they're things we can determine before marriage, and we will in time, or they're things we can't determine before marriage without sinning, and we'll just have to live with those.

[skreyola]

I hope you read the original list. It was worded differently, less firmly. I chaned the wordings here because I'm looking at something in front of me rather than talking about something I'm imagining.