too much time to think
bored off my ass. been mind-numbingly bored for the last 3 hours. the funniest part of all of this is it's 11:10 pm and i've been up for LESS THAN NINE HOURS! please, kill me now.
the day is not a good day when one is an the verge of emotional breakdown every five minutes and the minutes of the day seem to be a vicious cycle which stretches on for eternity. i talked to him for about five minutes online today. i miss him more than i can describe as that's been how much i've talked to him AT ALL over the past THREE days. he gets in his phases where he's not very social and likes to be incommunicado. i don't mind it, it'd just be easier if he lived here (literally as in lived with me) because it's these times that whatever demons i push to the back of my mind come out and thrive on my insecurities. i don't need to talk to him...i just need to be able to look him in the eyes and see that everything is still okay; that it's just part of the cycle and not something reflective of what i've done/said or of his interest (or lack thereof) in me. this is the trouble in falling...the feelings of helplessness that come throughout the journey.
i never used to picture myself as growing old and staying single. however, more and more i'm wondering if that isn't my true fate because as time passes it seems that love is something too large or complex for my heart to handle. or maybe that's just the depression talking...i still refuse to go to a doctor to find a diagnosis of it only having gotten worse and to go on a pill to keep me stable. i'm really not against the pill...i'm against what will happen on the days, after my body has gotten used to the medication, when like the dolt i am i forget to take my dosage and things crumble. it doesn't sound as idiotic to me that the reason things are crumbling and i can't control my tearducts is because i've got a natural chemical imbalance instead of saying "i forgot to take my prozac this morning".
Love, love is strange
Lot of people take it for a game
Once you get it
You'll never wanna quit (no, no)
After you've had it (yeah, yeah)
You're in an awful fix
Many people
Don't understand (no, no)
They think loving (yeah, yeah)
Is money in the hand
Your sweet loving
Is better than a kiss
When you leave me
Sweet kisses I miss
Silvia... Yes Mickey?
How do you call your loverboy?... Come 'ere loverboy!!
And if he doesnt answer?... Ohh loverboy!
And if he STILL doesnt answer?... I simply say
Baby,
Oohh baby
My sweet baby
You're the one
Baby,
Oohh baby
My sweet baby
You're the one
the day is not a good day when one is an the verge of emotional breakdown every five minutes and the minutes of the day seem to be a vicious cycle which stretches on for eternity. i talked to him for about five minutes online today. i miss him more than i can describe as that's been how much i've talked to him AT ALL over the past THREE days. he gets in his phases where he's not very social and likes to be incommunicado. i don't mind it, it'd just be easier if he lived here (literally as in lived with me) because it's these times that whatever demons i push to the back of my mind come out and thrive on my insecurities. i don't need to talk to him...i just need to be able to look him in the eyes and see that everything is still okay; that it's just part of the cycle and not something reflective of what i've done/said or of his interest (or lack thereof) in me. this is the trouble in falling...the feelings of helplessness that come throughout the journey.
i never used to picture myself as growing old and staying single. however, more and more i'm wondering if that isn't my true fate because as time passes it seems that love is something too large or complex for my heart to handle. or maybe that's just the depression talking...i still refuse to go to a doctor to find a diagnosis of it only having gotten worse and to go on a pill to keep me stable. i'm really not against the pill...i'm against what will happen on the days, after my body has gotten used to the medication, when like the dolt i am i forget to take my dosage and things crumble. it doesn't sound as idiotic to me that the reason things are crumbling and i can't control my tearducts is because i've got a natural chemical imbalance instead of saying "i forgot to take my prozac this morning".
Love, love is strange
Lot of people take it for a game
Once you get it
You'll never wanna quit (no, no)
After you've had it (yeah, yeah)
You're in an awful fix
Many people
Don't understand (no, no)
They think loving (yeah, yeah)
Is money in the hand
Your sweet loving
Is better than a kiss
When you leave me
Sweet kisses I miss
Silvia... Yes Mickey?
How do you call your loverboy?... Come 'ere loverboy!!
And if he doesnt answer?... Ohh loverboy!
And if he STILL doesnt answer?... I simply say
Baby,
Oohh baby
My sweet baby
You're the one
Baby,
Oohh baby
My sweet baby
You're the one