dumb bitches
just another reminder (to myself, so i can see through the rose-tinted glasses and fuzzy feelings of actually being family) that my mom is just as shitty a mom today as she was when she wasn't around back in the day.
she knows that i have a hard time sleeping and that i wake up easily unless i'm absolutely exhausted. she also knows that i've been staying up 'til about 6am for the past week and a half.
i went to bed at about 5:40 this morning because my butt was dragging and i couldn't hold out any longer. see the boyfriend is here and i really don't want to hear them having sex so i thought that if i could stay up until i was completely exhausted then i wouldn't hear them when they got up and any of their subsequent actions.
nope, didn't happen.
7:45 i woke up to go to the bathroom. 8:30 i'm woke up by my mom opening her door (which was stuck in the frame so it was loud and reverberated...i think had it not been stuck and only a simple click that wouldn't have been what woke me up). then for the next 15 minutes she and the bf proceed to talk and giggle and get in the shower and talk and giggle some more only louder (mind you the fan in the bathroom was on, the door was shut and i could still hear every word through the wall between the bathroom and my bedroom). and then it happened, my absolute worst nightmare and the whole reason i was uncomfortable last night...nope ma didn't get laid last night apparently but she got laid this morning in the shower. i sooooo did not need to hear that. i was the only one of my friends who could actually say that they'd never heard their parents have sex....now my record of 22 yrs is gone. and of course it totally figures that when i finally think, "jesus christ, i'm getting sick to my stomach. well maybe i'll go downstairs and i won't be able to hear them," and i go downstairs they're done and turn off the water. and then they proceed to just go back to yakkin' away with one another.
so i just stayed down here. my mom came down and it scared the shit out of her. good ya dumb bitch. and the funny part about it all is that she was stupid enough to believe that i was woke up by them but didn't either a) hear or b) know they were fucking in the shower. how slow do you think i am?
the part that kills me is that she apologized about having woke me up, but when i mentioned that shit happens and being woke up wasn't cool but was okay and that really the part that got to me was having been woke up and then having to hear them fuck in the shower she just smiled really big and did that little "ooops! did i do that?!?!?! *bats eyelashes*" look she does when she flirts with guys turning them on just to sorta watch them squirm. (so can i even believe her apologies for waking me up to be true or do they fall in among the line of feigning sincereity because being apologetic would be the "nice" thing to do?? the woman is my own mother and i can't read her nor can i feel as though i can truly trust her...i'm constantly waiting for her to screw me over again and hurt me in some way) then when i say that i'd never had had to hear that and was hoping to avoid it for my entire life she says something to the effect of it would have happened eventually because we're living in an apartment together. no it just happened cause you're a disrespectful whore. and i retorted, "well i lived with my dad for 18 years and never had to hear him have sex so i don't think that's the case. he mighta had sex and he mighta not, i don't know because i never had to hear him. and it's much better not knowing because i wasn't subjected to hearing than knowing because i was." and that ended that conversation....i'm sure she could feel the tension as i never even looked at her to give her the time of day.
i don't care if she got laid in our house...dude, it's human nature...it's hearing it i didn't want. i've had sex in our apartment while she was here and i know for a fucking fact that she didn't hear it because i damn near said told her without actually saying the explicit words, "yeah while we were upstairs we fucked on the floor." and she had had no clue. and the thing about that was that i didn't even get to really enjoy the sex because a) she was here so i had to be quiet and b) she was here so it felt so wrong and disrespectful to have sex even though she didn't know it was happening.
best part about it is...here i sit almost 2 hours later wide fucking awake and with bloodshot eyes because i only got 3 hrs of sleep.
alienated and a major lack of sleep makes me quite pissy. it also makes me want to move and then only see her once a month, if that because she's still not a "mother" to me...fuck i only say mom because it's informal and shorter than saying "mother"...and because if i called her "liana" it'd just sound weird. but for the time being, in my head, her name is "fucking whore", "stupid cunt", or "dumb bitch". maybe if she was a better mother i would feel worse about calling her such names. something tells me though that she'll never rise to that occasion.
she knows that i have a hard time sleeping and that i wake up easily unless i'm absolutely exhausted. she also knows that i've been staying up 'til about 6am for the past week and a half.
i went to bed at about 5:40 this morning because my butt was dragging and i couldn't hold out any longer. see the boyfriend is here and i really don't want to hear them having sex so i thought that if i could stay up until i was completely exhausted then i wouldn't hear them when they got up and any of their subsequent actions.
nope, didn't happen.
7:45 i woke up to go to the bathroom. 8:30 i'm woke up by my mom opening her door (which was stuck in the frame so it was loud and reverberated...i think had it not been stuck and only a simple click that wouldn't have been what woke me up). then for the next 15 minutes she and the bf proceed to talk and giggle and get in the shower and talk and giggle some more only louder (mind you the fan in the bathroom was on, the door was shut and i could still hear every word through the wall between the bathroom and my bedroom). and then it happened, my absolute worst nightmare and the whole reason i was uncomfortable last night...nope ma didn't get laid last night apparently but she got laid this morning in the shower. i sooooo did not need to hear that. i was the only one of my friends who could actually say that they'd never heard their parents have sex....now my record of 22 yrs is gone. and of course it totally figures that when i finally think, "jesus christ, i'm getting sick to my stomach. well maybe i'll go downstairs and i won't be able to hear them," and i go downstairs they're done and turn off the water. and then they proceed to just go back to yakkin' away with one another.
so i just stayed down here. my mom came down and it scared the shit out of her. good ya dumb bitch. and the funny part about it all is that she was stupid enough to believe that i was woke up by them but didn't either a) hear or b) know they were fucking in the shower. how slow do you think i am?
the part that kills me is that she apologized about having woke me up, but when i mentioned that shit happens and being woke up wasn't cool but was okay and that really the part that got to me was having been woke up and then having to hear them fuck in the shower she just smiled really big and did that little "ooops! did i do that?!?!?! *bats eyelashes*" look she does when she flirts with guys turning them on just to sorta watch them squirm. (so can i even believe her apologies for waking me up to be true or do they fall in among the line of feigning sincereity because being apologetic would be the "nice" thing to do?? the woman is my own mother and i can't read her nor can i feel as though i can truly trust her...i'm constantly waiting for her to screw me over again and hurt me in some way) then when i say that i'd never had had to hear that and was hoping to avoid it for my entire life she says something to the effect of it would have happened eventually because we're living in an apartment together. no it just happened cause you're a disrespectful whore. and i retorted, "well i lived with my dad for 18 years and never had to hear him have sex so i don't think that's the case. he mighta had sex and he mighta not, i don't know because i never had to hear him. and it's much better not knowing because i wasn't subjected to hearing than knowing because i was." and that ended that conversation....i'm sure she could feel the tension as i never even looked at her to give her the time of day.
i don't care if she got laid in our house...dude, it's human nature...it's hearing it i didn't want. i've had sex in our apartment while she was here and i know for a fucking fact that she didn't hear it because i damn near said told her without actually saying the explicit words, "yeah while we were upstairs we fucked on the floor." and she had had no clue. and the thing about that was that i didn't even get to really enjoy the sex because a) she was here so i had to be quiet and b) she was here so it felt so wrong and disrespectful to have sex even though she didn't know it was happening.
best part about it is...here i sit almost 2 hours later wide fucking awake and with bloodshot eyes because i only got 3 hrs of sleep.
alienated and a major lack of sleep makes me quite pissy. it also makes me want to move and then only see her once a month, if that because she's still not a "mother" to me...fuck i only say mom because it's informal and shorter than saying "mother"...and because if i called her "liana" it'd just sound weird. but for the time being, in my head, her name is "fucking whore", "stupid cunt", or "dumb bitch". maybe if she was a better mother i would feel worse about calling her such names. something tells me though that she'll never rise to that occasion.