I play air bass to the opening theme song of Market Place on NPR while driving home from work
I've been in a pretty bad funk lately. I told Leah it's like being in a really bad funk band. We all wear white dirty sneakers, tiger-striped pants with elastic waist bands and a velcro belt buckle. My drummer is wanted for murder. My bass player plays with his palm resting on the top of the guitar. My guitarist refuses to listen to anybody and will never tune his guitar. My keytarist is a closet heterosexual and confuses the hell out of everybody. We have enough neon clothing to be seen from outer space. Our van was once owned by a rapist and there are stains in the back to remind us. Our singer is always complaining about the dry weather and what it does to his shitty voice. I am the singer.
A coworker of mine, Mr. Bonesteele, suggested that I purchase a cold air humidifier since I had been complaining about coughing up blood and snot for the past week. It's so dry in my house from having the heater on all the time that it feels like I'm back in Vegas again. I hated Vegas. So around midnight, I went to Wal-Mart and bought a cold air humidifer. When I woke up this morning, I didn't cough up any blood and felt great. I only woke up 3 times during the night, which is great considering the past week I would wake up every hour or so coughing my ass off.
I'm considering quiting this shitty funk band and getting into other things that hold more interest. Like beastility necro midget crowd surfing. Yes, that's right. Midgets fucking dead raccons while crowd surfing...to bad funk bands. Could you imagine being in the crowd and having to partake in that shit?
"Dude, did I just crowd surf some midget fucking a dead raccon? What in the fuck?!"
"Yeah, I saw that man, that was really fucked up, so is this shitty band. What are we doing here!?"
"I don't know, stop fucking blogging so I can get out of here!"
A coworker of mine, Mr. Bonesteele, suggested that I purchase a cold air humidifier since I had been complaining about coughing up blood and snot for the past week. It's so dry in my house from having the heater on all the time that it feels like I'm back in Vegas again. I hated Vegas. So around midnight, I went to Wal-Mart and bought a cold air humidifer. When I woke up this morning, I didn't cough up any blood and felt great. I only woke up 3 times during the night, which is great considering the past week I would wake up every hour or so coughing my ass off.
I'm considering quiting this shitty funk band and getting into other things that hold more interest. Like beastility necro midget crowd surfing. Yes, that's right. Midgets fucking dead raccons while crowd surfing...to bad funk bands. Could you imagine being in the crowd and having to partake in that shit?
"Dude, did I just crowd surf some midget fucking a dead raccon? What in the fuck?!"
"Yeah, I saw that man, that was really fucked up, so is this shitty band. What are we doing here!?"
"I don't know, stop fucking blogging so I can get out of here!"