Helpful Tips for Job Hunting
1. Repeatedly claim that the interviewer owes you a favor from 'that one time' he or she was fall down drunk.
2. While waiting to be interviewed, hand out bananas to all the other applicants. When the interviewer comes out of the office, rush up to him or her and say, 'Look! They're all dam dirty stinkin' apes!'
3. Avoid positions that have a job title that includes the word 'scapegoat' in it.
4. Instead of filling out the job application form, fold it up into an intricate origami animal and offer it in exchange for gainful employment.
5. Explain to the people competing for the same job that the company is only a 'nickel and dime' operation, then hit them over the head with a sock full of nickels and dimes.
6. Along with past employment and job references, include a section called 'board game aptitude' on your resume, listing all the board games you've played and how many times you've won. It may help to bring a few along for the interview, in case the company tries to call you out on your unbeaten streak in 'Volcano Island.'
7. Never claim allegiance to a satanic cult unless you're sure the interviewer is also a member.
8. Try to wear a pair of matching shoes.
9. Dressing up as a Star Trek character severely hinders your chances of being hired, only do so if the interview conflicts with a local Trekkie convention.
10. If you've committed a felony, go ahead and put it on the application, it'll probably come out eventually anyway, and besides, it's not like you're the only member of Hell's Angels.
2. While waiting to be interviewed, hand out bananas to all the other applicants. When the interviewer comes out of the office, rush up to him or her and say, 'Look! They're all dam dirty stinkin' apes!'
3. Avoid positions that have a job title that includes the word 'scapegoat' in it.
4. Instead of filling out the job application form, fold it up into an intricate origami animal and offer it in exchange for gainful employment.
5. Explain to the people competing for the same job that the company is only a 'nickel and dime' operation, then hit them over the head with a sock full of nickels and dimes.
6. Along with past employment and job references, include a section called 'board game aptitude' on your resume, listing all the board games you've played and how many times you've won. It may help to bring a few along for the interview, in case the company tries to call you out on your unbeaten streak in 'Volcano Island.'
7. Never claim allegiance to a satanic cult unless you're sure the interviewer is also a member.
8. Try to wear a pair of matching shoes.
9. Dressing up as a Star Trek character severely hinders your chances of being hired, only do so if the interview conflicts with a local Trekkie convention.
10. If you've committed a felony, go ahead and put it on the application, it'll probably come out eventually anyway, and besides, it's not like you're the only member of Hell's Angels.