Bandslash/SGA; Supersaturation 'verse fic: Stoichiometry
Stoichiometry | PG-13 | ~6,000
Brendon/Spencer, Ryan/Jon
Sequel to Supersaturation, Solvation, Enthalpy, Entropy, Sublimation, Allotropy, Adsorption, and Saponification.
“You are glorious,” Brendon tells Captain Hall, because Captain Hall is like a giant walking, talking teddy bear and he doesn’t let anyone be mean to Brendon. He even tells Pete not to be a creeper, which is awesome, because it’s not like Brendon minds all of Pete’s ass-slaps, but there’s got to be a line drawn somewhere. That line has been firmly drawn by Captain Zack Hall, of the USMC.
A/N: Prior knowledge of this universe would be helpful, so you should read all the ones that came before this one. It's a fun, wacky, weird ride, I promise you. And I know I claimed this was the last fic in this series, but everything is just begging for an Earthside fic, y/y? Or a Zack's Team fic? There's just so much to play with! Anyway, special awesome thanks to insunshine for the beta :) There are mini-clones and Zack Hall and Sterling Knight, who plays Chad Dylan Cooper on Sonny With a Chance (and he was also Zac Efron's son in 17 Again, he's awesome, and, no, I'm not actually a 13 year old girl)
Stoichiometry
Brendon is well known for his excess energy, so Dr. Weir usually gives him a little leeway in exploring Atlantis on his off hours, so long as he’s got security with him to watch his back. Brendon’s found that Corporal Colligan is spectacularly awesome at watching his back. They dick around, blow off some steam, run up and down empty hallways, accidentally turn on Ancient cloning machines, whatever. Sometimes Ryan comes with them.
And no matter what Ryan says, it’s totally not Brendon’s fault. “This is not my fault, Ryan Ross,” Brendon says, insists for the fifth or tenth or twentieth time. If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s Cash’s. Cash totally has a stronger - and also wholly natural - expression of the ATA gene. Brendon is completely in the clear here, for real.
“Holy fuck,” Cash says.
One hundred percent Cash’s fault, that’s what Brendon’s going with. He stares down at Little Brendon, who’s clutching Little Ryan’s hand and staring back up at him with his own big brown eyes.
“Fuck,” Little Brendon says. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”
Brendon has to bite his lip to keep from laughing.
Ryan presses his hands flat over Little Ryan’s ears and glares at Cash. “Oh my god,” he says. “Watch your mouth.”
The two boys are sitting side-by-side on a cot in the infirmary. Little Ryan’s staring down at his lap, playing with the sleeves of his tiny uniform jacket. He cocks his head to the side and grins up at them, and Brendon’s insides go all gooey.
“Well,” Ritter says, walking over with a datapad, a bewildered expression on his face. “They’re definitely you.”
“They’re us,” Ryan says woodenly.
“Right down to the last strand of DNA.” Ritter pushes his hair back off his face. “Um. How did this happen again?”
Brendon very discreetly points a finger at Cash and widens his eyes.
Ritter sighs. “Right, so, what we have here, it seems, are clones.”
Brendon nods. He’d already figured that part out. “Right.” It’s pretty cool actually, even if he’s totally not looking forward to telling Spencer. He can’t see this going over all that well.
“Right,” Ryan echoes. He looks a little green.
Brendon sidesteps away from him, just in case he’s going to blow chunks.
*
Word gets around quick, because Atlantis is a cesspool of gossip, and also it’s really hard to keep Little Brendon in one place. He drags Little Ryan everywhere, too, and they’ve pretty much taken over the Control Room. Little Brendon’s gotten two of Sergeant Chiz’s lizards unglued, and they’ve eaten all of Chuck’s candy.
Dr. Weir gives Brendon disappointed looks and Colonel Sheppard tells him he’s not allowed to hang out with Cash anymore, and then he gives him Captain Hall.
*
Captain Hall is glorious.
“You are glorious,” Brendon tells Captain Hall, because Captain Hall is like a giant walking, talking teddy bear and he doesn’t let anyone be mean to Brendon. He even tells Pete not to be a creeper, which is awesome, because it’s not like Brendon minds all of Pete’s ass-slaps, but there’s got to be a line drawn somewhere. That line has been firmly drawn by Captain Zack Hall, of the USMC.
Of course, what Brendon finds truly hilarious is that Captain Zack reserves his special you-pervert looks for Spencer.
Zack is new. Brendon would set him straight, except he’s usually too busy laughing.
*
It’s not like Spencer even does anything inappropriate - this is Spencer, it has to be completely pitch black during movie night in the lounge for him to even hold Brendon’s hand, and Brendon thinks that’s the opposite of subtle, since Brendon would try his very best to sprawl all over Spencer when they weren’t sleeping together - but Brendon supposes there’s a vibe. An I’m-thinking-about-Brendon-naked vibe that Zack is apparently eerily good at picking up on.
For the record, Brendon is totally into that vibe.
“What is wrong with you?” Spencer says, hands on his hips.
Brendon would tell Spencer that there is nothing wrong with him, that he’s absolutely perfect in every way, except there are two little clones running around the city that would not support that theory.
“You could just tell him,” Brendon says, only realizing after he says it that it’s probably the wrong thing to say, but he doesn’t really want to take it back. It’s not like everybody doesn’t know. They just don’t talk about it.
“Don’t be stupid.” Spencer sighs, rubs a hand over his forehead. And then he frowns and says, “I want Zack to like me,” and Brendon maybe cracks up a little at his whiny tone, because Captain Zack is the best thing to ever happen to Atlantis in a good long while.
*
Jon, much like heroes of yore, can always be depended upon in times of trouble. He’s saved their asses more than once on off-world missions. He’s usually calm, cool and collected when things go horribly wrong - unless Ryan happens to be dying or something - and Brendon loves that about him.
“If I weren’t so completely in touch with how awesome I am, I’d be jealous,” Jon tells Brendon.
Brendon is mooning over Captain Zack, who’s seated five tables away from them in the mess. “He’s spectacular,” he says with a sigh.
Jon gives him a look. “Dude.”
Brendon waves his hands around. “I don’t know, Jon, it’s just really nice to be liked!” He’s self-aware enough to know that he’s kind of annoying, and not in the brilliant way that Pete’s annoying, but in the everyone’s-little-brother way - the way that gets Sergeant Bob stuck on a Wraith ship with him or gets his team shot at - and it’s starting to get a little insulting when all the Marines act so freaking surprised when he fixes, like, the garbage chute. Even Spencer occasionally looks at Brendon like he’s a moron. Brendon’s not an evil genius or anything, but he’s actually excellent at fixing everything that needs to be fixed. Zack recognizes how great Brendon is, and it seems like Brendon doesn’t even have to impress him with his mad engineering skills.
“Hey, little buddy,” Jon says, frowning. “You don’t think-”
“Jon,” Brendon cuts him off, “you’re my best friend, you know that.”
Jon’s face brightens, and for a second Brendon thinks maybe Jon didn’t know that.
“Best,” Brendon says, reaching across the table to pat the back of Jon’s hand. “No one finer.” He doesn’t know how to explain to Jon that Zack always follows him into danger because he believes in him, not because he thinks Brendon’s going to accidentally kill himself. At least, not without insulting Jon or making Zack sound like a pet dog.
Jon nods like he knows that’s not the whole story, but he doesn’t make Brendon say anything else about it anyway.
*
Little Brendon and Little Ryan are inseparable.
In a very surreal move, Ryan insists they stay with him in his quarters, and Jon just looks sort of bewildered and bemused, which is usually his default around Ryan anyway.
Even though they’re staying with Ryan, Ryan gets distracted easily - way easier than Brendon, seriously, he doesn’t know why he’s practically the only one who notices this - which is how Little Brendon and Little Ryan have managed to do something to the transporters on the entire east side of the city.
Meanwhile, Brendon is singing Captain Zack Attack a song about grilled ham and cheese sandwiches.
“I like that part at the end,” Zack says, nodding, “with the sizzling.”
“It’s the best part,” Brendon agrees. They maybe agree on this because they’re starving and walking back from the east side of the city, and there are no taxis or smart cars or hovercrafts to speed up their journey. Brendon’s pretty sure they’ve missed both lunch and second-lunch.
When Zack stops in his tracks and taps his radio, Brendon stops, too. He stuffs his hands in his pockets and watches Zack nod and say, “Yes, sir,” and, “Dr. Urie’s with me,” and, “I’m sure he can, sir,” with such casual confidence, Brendon is in no way prepared for him to turn and say, “We need you to stop a third of the city from blowing up.”
Brendon gapes at him. “What?”
“Transporters are down, it’ll take hours to get someone else out this far,” Zack says, completely calm, like what he said doesn’t also mean they’re dead if Brendon fucks up.
It’s kind of awesome, actually.
“Right.” Brendon claps his hands together. “First things first, I need to find a console.”
*
Here’s the thing. Brendon’s never minded before, but Spencer’s kind of mean to him when they’re not alone. He’s so used to it that he doesn’t even really think about it until Zack points it out.
“Smith’s kind of a jackass to you, like, all the time,” Zack says.
“It’s his way of letting me know he cares,” Brendon says, only half joking. Spencer’s just stormed out of the infirmary after calling Brendon a reckless idiot with the reflexes of a tree sloth, since, to save the entire east side of the city, Brendon maybe sort of set the tiny, dusty lab he’d been working in on fire. He’d had to reroute the power somewhere, and it’d only been a small fire, and Zack had gotten Brendon out before too much of his skin burned off. He’s fine, really. Ritter gave him some aloe.
Zack grunts, clearly unimpressed.
“No, really,” Brendon says. “He loves me.” He means that as much in the casual bro sense as the forever and ever sexy sense, too. They’re team members and family first.
Zack arches an eyebrow at him, then pats his shoulder, mouth pulled down in this sad, sympathetic frown. “Brendon, dude, he doesn’t even like you.”
*
Nighttimes on Atlantis are some of Brendon’s favorite times. He snuggles up next to Spencer and burrows his hands under Spencer’s armpits and gnaws a little on Spencer’s undershirt, right over his collarbone.
Spencer huffs and tugs him closer, so Brendon’s resting almost entirely on top of him, warm and comfy.
“I was wrong,” Brendon says. He looks up, digs his chin into Spencer’s sternum.
Spencer’s eyes are mostly closed, and his hand’s absently rubbing up and down Brendon’s spine. “About what?” he says, voice sleepy.
“Zack. He doesn’t think you want to molest me.” Brendon now knows that Zack distinguishes between possible sexual predators and intolerant assholes.
Spencer cracks one eye open. “What?”
“He thinks you hate me,” Brendon says, and now he’s got Spencer’s full attention, Spencer’s hand fisting into the back of Brendon’s shirt.
“That’s-”
“Spencer,” Brendon levers himself up on his palms, braces himself on either side of Spencer’s chest, “he thinks you hate me because I’m gay.”
Brendon actually thinks it’s a little funny, but judging by the constipated look on his face, Spencer totally doesn’t agree.
*
Ever since Little Brendon and Little Ryan moved in with him, Ryan’s been slightly more incoherent than usual. He’s always rambling about indigenous peoples and crap, so Brendon mostly tunes him out anyway, but lately even when Brendon pays attention he has no idea what Ryan’s talking about. Ryan also has deep purple bruises under his eyes, like Jon’s been beating him up.
Finally, Ryan says, “Your mom must be a saint.”
“Amen,” Brendon says, nodding, even though he’s pretty sure it’s his mom’s side of the family that’s so weird. His dad’s parents never get dressed up for Presidents’ Day, as far as Brendon knows - those wigs are legendary in the younger Urie household, Brendon always got Rutherford B. Hayes and a fake beard - or have puppet shows with their feet or have a Rainbow Explosion on the first day of spring, where they all spell out ROY G BIV with their clothes. Kool-Aid makes an awesome hair dye.
But Brendon understands what Ryan’s trying to say this time. Little Brendon has most likely built a fort in the bathroom with all of Ryan’s hangers.
“Okay,” Jon says, sliding his tray onto the table and sitting down next to Ryan, “remember when Carden had that thing with Efron? That thing where they regularly tried to kill each other in the gym and pretended it didn’t have anything to do with Jonas?”
Brendon nods. He remembers that well. Efron has some slick moves, and ‘Gate Tech Kevin’s kind of easy to impress.
Ryan just stares at him, spaced out - his eyes are glazed.
Jon sends him a fond, goofy grin before clearing his throat and saying, “So, anyway, someone gave Spencer fighting sticks, and I think he made Captain Hall cry.”
*
Spencer did not actually make Captain Zack cry. Zack’s too huge and manly to cry, but he does scowl a lot and favor his right leg.
“I don’t think beating up Zack is a good way to make him like you. Or convince him that you’re not a homophobe,” Brendon says, stepping up next to Spencer at the edge of the ‘gate room.
“Jesus Christ, Brendon.”
Brendon stands his ground, because he’s all for Spencer defending his honor - it’s actually kind of awesome when Spencer defends his honor, Brendon is totally willing to leave all deserved ass-kicking to him - but Zack’s never done anything except be Brendon’s friend. “And if you’re trying to scare him away from me, you know-I like Zack.”
“I know, Brendon,” Spencer says, kind of tiredly. He tugs on the straps of his tac vest, checks all his pockets. “The entire city knows.”
Brendon bristles. “I don’t like him, like him-I wouldn’t-are you jealous?”
“Let’s save the middle school conversations for after the mission, okay, Urie?” Spencer says, and before Brendon can say anything else, he’s giving Chislett in the tower a thumbs-up and the ‘gate starts dialing open.
*
Brendon complains to Jon, munching on a power bar and stalking down the path several lengths behind Ryan and Spencer. He doesn’t get it. “And now he’s ignoring me,” Brendon says, exasperated, because Spencer’s only asked how he was doing once, and then he’d told Jon to keep an eye on him.
Jon bites his lip and scans the area, hand curled protectively over the barrel of his P-90. He takes a few minutes, and then he says, slowly, “Well, you’re not wrong.”
“I’m-huh?”
“I don’t think you’re wrong,” Jon says. He cocks his head at him. “About Spencer being jealous.”
He kind of got that already, but it doesn’t mean he understands it. He glances ahead, makes sure Spencer’s a good distance away. “It’s dumb, though, Spencer knows I’m in love with him.”
Jon smiles. “Yeah, but he doesn’t give you what Zack does, right?”
“Uh.” Brendon scratches the side of his neck. Zack gives him unwavering support, but that can’t be it, because Spencer’s way too worried about Brendon losing limbs to encourage Brendon’s penchant for doing things that may result in Brendon losing limbs. Zack also gives him piggyback rides.
Jon jostles him with an elbow.
“Just think about it, Bren,” he says, and then he claps Brendon’s shoulder and says, “Let’s hustle up, we don’t want to lose them.”
*
Brendon thinks about it the next time they go exploring, and the next time Zack sits with him at lunch, and when he calls him on his comm. to meet him at the gym, and when they partner up with Jon and Greta in Pete’s Second Annual Atlantis Bocce Ball Tournament.
It takes him a week. It takes him one long, baffling week, and then Zack scootches up next to him on a couch in the common lounge, maneuvers him half in his lap to make room for Frank and Gee, and even though it’s totally platonic, no awkwardness or tension involved, Zack catches the back of his neck in one large hand and Brendon thinks, oh.
*
Atlantis is a very small, enclosed society. No one even blinks when Sergeant Bob manhandles Joe, or when Carden touches Kevin - back, neck, arms - or when Captain Gabe accidentally-on-purpose falls into Bill and gropes him in the commissary. And no one cares when Nick and Gomez hold hands, or if Asher shows up to movie night in the lounge wearing Lacey’s shirt. It’s never a big deal, because it’s not like any of that is a surprise.
Brendon’s tried to tell Spencer this before, but he’s also not going to pressure Spencer into something he’s not comfortable with. Which means it’s pretty petty for Spencer to blame Zack and Brendon for his own problems.
Brendon’s an awesome guy, so he doesn’t get mad.
He gets serious, though, and he traps Spencer in his quarters and crosses his arms over his chest and says, “You can’t possibly think I like Zack better than you, first of all.”
Spencer rolls his eyes. “No.”
“Right.” Brendon nods. “So do you want to tell Zack, or should I?” Brendon’s willing to let public displays of affection slide; he has plenty of other people who’ll let him hang all over them if he gets tired of Zack. Like Bob. Maybe. If Bob’s in a good mood. But this whole Spencer-Zack war thing has to stop, because Efron disappeared for nearly a week two months ago, and now he walks a wide, cautious berth around Kevin. No one could ever definitively pin anything on Carden, but Brendon’s not willing to give up his very best exploring pal just so Spencer can prove a point.
“Brendon.”
Brendon sighs, then relaxes his arms and slumps forward onto Spencer’s lap. He presses his palms on Spencer’s cheeks and looks deep into his eyes and says, “I love you. I love you, Spence, and I don’t need to accidentally molest you in public to prove it. But if you don’t fix this with Zack, I’m sleeping in my own room.” He arches his eyebrows. “That’s right. No ass for you.”
Spencer’s lips twitch. Score.
“You can tell him whatever you want, I’m very trusting,” Brendon says, nodding. “Just so long as you don’t beat him with sticks anymore.”
Spencer full-on grins then, and fits his hands over Brendon’s hips. “Hey, he was pretty good with those. I didn’t see you worrying about my wounds.”
Brendon wriggles closer, letting his knees tuck under the chair arms and presses his belly up against Spencer’s. “All your parts seem to be working,” he says, mock-earnestly. “I think you’re good.”
“I don’t know, I think you need to take a closer look.”
*
“Hey, Bren,” Jon says.
Brendon tilts his head to the side. “You’ve got some sort of growth on your shoulder.”
Jon nods. “I’m thinking about seeing a doctor. Maybe I can get it surgically removed.”
Little Ryan just giggles and clutches his tiny fingers tighter on Jon’s jacket. He ducks his face into Jon’s neck and Jon grins over his head at Brendon and Brendon thinks Jon would make an awesome dad.
“Where’s mini me?”
“Napping with Ryan,” Jon says. “They’re cuddling and everything. I took pictures, I’ll show you later.”
Brendon says, “Excellent,” because Ryan’s mothering instincts will never stop being hilarious. Brendon thinks it’s especially funny that Ryan’s raising him. At some point that’s going to get pretty surreal for all of them.
“We’re on our way to snag some Snack Packs from Morris. Wanna come?” Jon asks, and Brendon’s actually been stealthily trying to find Spencer - Brendon does indeed trust Spencer, honest, only he really wants to know what he says to Zack, and there’s no guarantee Spencer will tell him afterwards - but he never says no to pudding, especially in Snack Pack form.
*
When Brendon finally catches up to Spencer and Captain Zack, they’re standing in the hallway just outside the ‘gate room, doing something with ice cubes. Brendon scoops up a spoonful of pudding and watches Spencer chuck a cube over his shoulder, barely looking, and Zack catches it in an earthenware mug.
“Nice,” Zack says.
Brendon isn’t sure what’s going on, but at least they’re bonding now and not hitting each other. He sneaks away after a couple minutes, before they can see him, since they aren’t saying anything interesting, and he’s sure if he interrupts them he’s likely to get ice down his pants.
There are certain appropriate times to have ice down his pants, and this is not one of them.
*
While Brendon doesn’t think he’s dad material, he’s not averse to babysitting. He’s worn out Little Brendon and Little Ryan - and himself, Spencer, Zack, three-fourths of the botany labs, Pete, Lovato, and Hurley’s new pet biochemist, Knight, with the weird anime hair, Brendon wants to touch it - with a rousing game of graveyard freeze tag in the gym.
Brendon hangs on Captain Zack’s arm and says, “Carry me,” because his feet don’t feel like working anymore.
“I’m not a camel,” Zack says. He’s already got Little Ryan draped sleepily over his shoulder.
Little Brendon is still standing, but only just barely. He’s leaning into Knight’s legs, one hand curled into the utility pocket on the outside of his thigh.
Brendon sighs at the unfairness of it all. And then he flutters his lashes suggestively at Spencer.
Spencer flicks a quick glance at Zack, smirks and says, “No way, Urie,” and Zack snorts, but it isn’t one of those I-don’t-think-you’re-worth-it snorts. There’s no veiled threat there, and Zack isn’t scowling, and Brendon beams at them, because he likes it when all his buddies get along; it’s nice. This doesn’t solve his current problem, though. The problem where his legs are basically made of jelly and he wants to nap on his way back to his room.
He tugs on Zack’s jacket sleeve and pouts with his eyes and leans his cheek against Zack’s upper arm so he looks extra pathetic, and then Spencer huffs and goes, “Fuck’s sake, Brendon,” and maneuvers Little Ryan out of Zack’s arms.
Brendon would do a little jig if he wasn’t so tired. Instead, he says, “Yes,” and hops up on Zack’s back.
*
Brendon says, “I am in no way curious about what you and Zack talked about,” thus stating that he is indeed curious, but in a sneaky way.
“Okay,” Spencer says, and then doesn’t say anything else.
Perhaps Brendon is being too sneaky. He adds, “If it was opposite day.”
Spencer arches an eyebrow at him, but remains steadfastly focused on his slice of pumpkin pie.
Jon looks over at Brendon and says, “If it was opposite day, I’d say you looked handsome and manly in that t-shirt.”
“Than-oh, fuck you, Walker,” Brendon says, frowning; there’s nothing wrong with his t-shirt, he looks awesome in pastels, and Brendon is always manly.
Ryan snickers, but he doesn’t have any room to talk. He’s sporting this new-sheriff-in-town look, complete with a kicky scarf around his neck, and if it was opposite day, Brendon would totally tell him that he was relevant and hip. Brendon’s pretty sure the opposite of that is lame.
“You all are mean,” Brendon says, pushing back from the table and getting to his feet. “I’m going exploring with Zack, because Zack appreciates me.”
Spencer salutes him with his fork.
*
Later, after Little Zack gets cleared by Carson and Dr. Weir just shakes her head at them and Colonel Sheppard tells them they can’t go exploring by themselves anymore, Spencer sort of laughs himself silly.
Like, he laughs until he can’t breathe and Brendon has to pound on his back, and Spencer gasps, “Stop, stop, oh god, I’m gonna throw up,” still completely hysterical, and Brendon realizes that maybe Zack’s blind faith in him isn’t totally optimum for his survival. It’s pretty sweet, yeah, and if Brendon was picking his tag team partner for mud wrestling Zack would totally be it, but caution can be good. Someone telling him to stop and think twice and maybe not touch that giant whirligig thing might be a good idea, because Zack’s default response is always, “Go for it.”
This doesn’t mean that Zack isn’t the best guy to have around. It just means that Brendon has to convince Spencer to go with them.
*
The first time Brendon asks Spencer, Spencer says no. He says no the second and third and tenth times, too, so Brendon asks Dr. Knight to go exploring instead, because Knight always says, “What up, B?” and does this fist-pound, finger explosion thing that never gets old.
Also, Spencer can’t stand him. Brendon isn’t one-hundred percent sure, but he thinks it’s because there are manga characters that aren’t as pretty and pointy as Knight is, and because Spencer knows one of Brendon’s goals in life is to touch his hair.
The problem with exploring with Knight, though, is that he doesn’t exactly round them out - they’re not a cohesive and safe team. There’s Zack, who likes to encourage free thinking so long as everyone’s getting along, and Brendon, who’s never met an Ancient device he couldn’t accidentally turn on or blow up, and now there’s Knight. Knight has no sense of direction. This isn’t necessarily a terrible thing, Zack always knows where they are in the city, except Knight can turn a corner and completely disappear. It’s like his superpower.
“Oh, hey, cool,” Knight says, only Brendon can’t see him.
Brendon looks up at Zack. “Uh.”
“There’s a good chance he’s invisible,” Zack says, because he knows how things work here.
Brendon sweeps out a hand and says, “Sterling?” Hurley will kill them if they lose his newest lab lackey.
“This room is huge, man,” Knight says, voice sort of distant and tinny and echo-y, and Brendon pushes his palms up against the wall, searching for a hidden passage or something, being careful with his feet, just in case Knight’s been shrunk down to microscopic size.
Knight says, “Can’t find a door, though. Oh, wait, wait, I see-”
The wall in front of Brendon sort of dissolves and he falls forward hard onto his hands and knees.
Knight grins down at him. “Oops.”
*
Brendon forgives Knight for his bruises, because Knight has found an auditorium. An acoustically awesome auditorium; Brendon stands in the middle of the stage and sings the theme song from Perfect Strangers and his voice is like a mountain - it booms, it fills every molecule of air with glorious sound.
“This is the best place in the entire galaxy,” Brendon says, nearly breathless.
Zack claps for him and whistles and then calls out from the very back, “Sing about the ham and cheese!”
*
“Come exploring with us,” Brendon asks Spencer. Brendon’s practically buzzing with excitement, and Spencer looks at him askance.
“Why?”
Brendon waves his hands around. “Because you’re missing out! We find the coolest places,” he says, and also because he thinks it’s only a matter of time before Colonel Sheppard finds out about Knight, and how Knight needs more supervision than Zack and Brendon combined, and sooner or later Sheppard’s just going to tell them they can’t explore at all anymore, no matter what.
“Hi,” Little Zack says, climbing up onto the couch next to Spencer. Little Zack is more of a loner than Little Brendon and Little Ryan. “I like cats.” Plus, he tries to emulate Jon, and that’s just plain funny.
“Cats are cool, little man,” Jon says, following him into the lounge and giving him a finger gun. “Who’s ready for dinner?”
“I’m ready for Spencer to see our awesome and amazing find,” Brendon says, then turns on the puppy eyes, because he’s sure Spencer will love the auditorium, even if Knight’s already claimed it in the name of biochemistry, and is calling it Andrew Hurley Hall. He’s already submitted the paperwork to Weir - it’s unclear whether this is because he’s a giant suck-up or because he’s secretly in love with his boss.
Spencer sighs. “Can it wait until later?” he asks, and Brendon does a fist-pump, because that’s totally a yes.
*
Zack and Knight are slumped down in the front row, shoulder to shoulder.
Brendon has Spencer sit towards the back, right in the middle where the sound’ll bounce off every surface and converge.
He sings Blue Moon. He starts off soft, taps his foot slow and even to keep time - when he closes his eyes, he can imagine the gentle swell of the orchestra, and he thinks maybe if he wasn’t doing this, here on Atlantis, he’d be doing that; he can feel it in his fingers, all his limbs tingling as the last note hangs in the air.
He is awesome.
Zack and Knight clap and Spencer gives him a small wave. Spencer’s kind of far away from him, but Brendon thinks maybe his face is flushed - because they’re in love. Brendon blows him a kiss.
Then he says, “And now I’d like to sing a little number called The Facts of Life.”
*
Technically, Little Zack is living with Ryan, but some nights he likes to sneak into Spencer’s quarters and demand bedtime stories. And then he passes out on the bed and Spencer has to move him to the couch, because he says it’s too far to carry him all the way back down to Ryan’s place so late at night. Brendon suspects Spencer’s just a softie for Little Z, with his tuft of white-blonde hair and chubby cheeks and the way he thinks too much when he walks, slow and methodical, staring down at his feet.
Little Z snores when he’s on his back. Small, whiffing snores, and Brendon drifts for a while, curled up next to Spencer, not quite tired enough to fall asleep.
He hums Blue Moon, soft and low.
Spencer absently rubs a thumb over Brendon’s nape, and Brendon smiles into the steady rise and fall of his chest.
“So you’re gonna save me from Sterling and Zack, right?” Brendon asks, because making one adventurous hike to Andrew Hurley Hall doesn’t mean he’s willing to follow them around on a regular basis.
Spencer squeezes his neck lightly and says, “Go to sleep, Brendon.”
“That’s not a no,” Brendon says, even though he’s not completely sure of that until Spencer doesn’t deny it, until he just snorts and says, “Go to sleep,” again.
Brendon traces the waistband of his pajama bottoms and sings a lullaby, because he’s giving like that.
Spencer says, “If you don’t shut up, I’m going to punch you in the head.”
“You lie,” Brendon says, but he shuts up anyway. He thinks he should be content, but he’s not. He’s just-he’s antsy, for some reason. Some hugely mysterious unknown reason. After a few minutes, he says, “So sticking my hand down your pants right now would be wrong.”
“Yes, Brendon.”
Brendon sighs. This is why he doesn’t want kids.
*
Brendon is only a little jealous when Captain Zack chooses Knight for his away team. It’s not like Brendon would ever leave Spencer’s team, but it still makes him feel a little left out.
Of course, Zack also picked Lovato and Joe Jonas, and that’s just crazy talk.
Brendon says as much to Jon as he straps on his thigh holster. “It’s like if Bob took all the Alexes hunting.”
“A disaster of epic proportions,” Jon says, grinning.
Brendon nods. “Exactly. I need to warn him.” Plus, Joe Jonas has a really bad track record with the women of Atlantis, and Lovato has a crush on Knight so big you can see it from Earth.
Spencer rolls his eyes, checking all the straps on Brendon’s tac vest before doing the same to his own. “You can warn him after we get back,” he says. His lips twitch into a small smile. “Dr. Knight mentioned scoping out the lower level labs, down by the submersible ‘jumpers.”
Labs, submersible ‘jumpers, more stuff to break, turn on, blow up - there’s a good chance Knight’ll end up almost drowning, he’s seriously got a talent for stepping in shit. Brendon can’t wait.
“Lay on, MacDuff,” Brendon says, gesturing towards the ‘gate, because Brendon is worldly and intelligent, no matter what Ryan says.
Ryan, currently a man-shaped shell of his former self, like a zombie or a robot with half its charge depleted, brightens as the dialing sequence starts, the blue puddle whooshing outwards when the ‘gate opens. “Three whole days,” he says, almost reverently. “It’s like a vacation with guns and possible death.”
“Keep the faith, Ross,” Jon says, clapping Ryan on the shoulder.
“Little B calls me mommy,” Ryan says. “I think it’s on purpose.”
It’s so on purpose, Brendon thinks, but he doesn’t say that out loud. He just grins at Ryan, and then he grins wider, and he can see the exact moment when Ryan realizes exactly what he’s doing with his life, and how insane it is.
“Oh my god, I’m really Brendon Urie’s mommy,” he says, horrified; he brings up skinny, spindly fingers to cover his mouth.
Brendon doesn’t think that’s really a bad thing. He’s always been really big on family; Little B will totally take care of Ryan in his doddering old age. What would be awesome would be if Little B and Little Ryro grew up and fell in love. That would actually make Brendon’s entire life.
“What, what? Why are you grinning like that?” Ryan asks. He sounds desperate and a little scared.
“Are we going or are we going to stand here and gossip all day?” Spencer says, hooking a thumb impatiently over his shoulder towards the open ‘gate.
Brendon swings an arm over Ryan’s shoulders, steers him across the floor. “Just wait until he hits puberty, it’ll be the best.”
Ryan groans. “I hate you so very much.”
*
“Love, love, love,” Brendon sing-songs, lying back on Spencer’s bed. He looks up at the ceiling and sighs and says, “Do you think we’ll ever go back to Earth, Spence?”
“Yeah,” Spencer says. “Of course.”
Brendon leverages himself up on his elbows. “Yeah?”
Spencer nods, cocks his head and frowns at him. “Why?”
Brendon shrugs. “No reason.” He’s lying, he totally has a reason. A big reason, because he knows Spencer loves him, but he doesn’t think he can have this, have them anywhere but on Atlantis - only here, where he gets Spencer in practically every aspect of his life. He doesn’t think Spencer would ever admit it, but Brendon’s still pretty sure it’s true. He’s never doubted anything about his relationship with Spencer, weird amnesia incidents aside, and he knows Spencer would still want to be with him, but Earth’s a completely different atmosphere - he just can’t see it happening.
Spencer narrows his eyes.
Brendon rubs the side of his hand under his nose and turns away. “Someday you’ll retire. That’ll be a good day, probably.”
“Brendon.”
“It’s okay.” It’s not okay, but at the same time he knows it’ll have to be.
“Brendon, you-” The bed dips when Spencer sits down next to him. He curls a hand over Brendon’s side and Brendon leans his head onto Spencer’s shoulder. He sighs. “You get serious at the weirdest times.”
Brendon drums his fingers over Spencer’s thigh, a slow, even rhythm.
“Sing me a song,” Spencer murmurs, and Brendon smiles into the rough material of his uniform jacket.
He sings the happiest song he knows.
*
Down in the murky dark, the hallways echoing with their solid footsteps, the undulating water outside the long stretch of windows painting the walls with weird lines of light - Knight and Zack are talking in low voices ten paces ahead of them, Knight animatedly waving his hands, and Spencer is walking next to Brendon, humming Something under his breath.
Brendon/Spencer, Ryan/Jon
Sequel to Supersaturation, Solvation, Enthalpy, Entropy, Sublimation, Allotropy, Adsorption, and Saponification.
“You are glorious,” Brendon tells Captain Hall, because Captain Hall is like a giant walking, talking teddy bear and he doesn’t let anyone be mean to Brendon. He even tells Pete not to be a creeper, which is awesome, because it’s not like Brendon minds all of Pete’s ass-slaps, but there’s got to be a line drawn somewhere. That line has been firmly drawn by Captain Zack Hall, of the USMC.
A/N: Prior knowledge of this universe would be helpful, so you should read all the ones that came before this one. It's a fun, wacky, weird ride, I promise you. And I know I claimed this was the last fic in this series, but everything is just begging for an Earthside fic, y/y? Or a Zack's Team fic? There's just so much to play with! Anyway, special awesome thanks to insunshine for the beta :) There are mini-clones and Zack Hall and Sterling Knight, who plays Chad Dylan Cooper on Sonny With a Chance (and he was also Zac Efron's son in 17 Again, he's awesome, and, no, I'm not actually a 13 year old girl)
Stoichiometry
Brendon is well known for his excess energy, so Dr. Weir usually gives him a little leeway in exploring Atlantis on his off hours, so long as he’s got security with him to watch his back. Brendon’s found that Corporal Colligan is spectacularly awesome at watching his back. They dick around, blow off some steam, run up and down empty hallways, accidentally turn on Ancient cloning machines, whatever. Sometimes Ryan comes with them.
And no matter what Ryan says, it’s totally not Brendon’s fault. “This is not my fault, Ryan Ross,” Brendon says, insists for the fifth or tenth or twentieth time. If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s Cash’s. Cash totally has a stronger - and also wholly natural - expression of the ATA gene. Brendon is completely in the clear here, for real.
“Holy fuck,” Cash says.
One hundred percent Cash’s fault, that’s what Brendon’s going with. He stares down at Little Brendon, who’s clutching Little Ryan’s hand and staring back up at him with his own big brown eyes.
“Fuck,” Little Brendon says. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”
Brendon has to bite his lip to keep from laughing.
Ryan presses his hands flat over Little Ryan’s ears and glares at Cash. “Oh my god,” he says. “Watch your mouth.”
The two boys are sitting side-by-side on a cot in the infirmary. Little Ryan’s staring down at his lap, playing with the sleeves of his tiny uniform jacket. He cocks his head to the side and grins up at them, and Brendon’s insides go all gooey.
“Well,” Ritter says, walking over with a datapad, a bewildered expression on his face. “They’re definitely you.”
“They’re us,” Ryan says woodenly.
“Right down to the last strand of DNA.” Ritter pushes his hair back off his face. “Um. How did this happen again?”
Brendon very discreetly points a finger at Cash and widens his eyes.
Ritter sighs. “Right, so, what we have here, it seems, are clones.”
Brendon nods. He’d already figured that part out. “Right.” It’s pretty cool actually, even if he’s totally not looking forward to telling Spencer. He can’t see this going over all that well.
“Right,” Ryan echoes. He looks a little green.
Brendon sidesteps away from him, just in case he’s going to blow chunks.
*
Word gets around quick, because Atlantis is a cesspool of gossip, and also it’s really hard to keep Little Brendon in one place. He drags Little Ryan everywhere, too, and they’ve pretty much taken over the Control Room. Little Brendon’s gotten two of Sergeant Chiz’s lizards unglued, and they’ve eaten all of Chuck’s candy.
Dr. Weir gives Brendon disappointed looks and Colonel Sheppard tells him he’s not allowed to hang out with Cash anymore, and then he gives him Captain Hall.
*
Captain Hall is glorious.
“You are glorious,” Brendon tells Captain Hall, because Captain Hall is like a giant walking, talking teddy bear and he doesn’t let anyone be mean to Brendon. He even tells Pete not to be a creeper, which is awesome, because it’s not like Brendon minds all of Pete’s ass-slaps, but there’s got to be a line drawn somewhere. That line has been firmly drawn by Captain Zack Hall, of the USMC.
Of course, what Brendon finds truly hilarious is that Captain Zack reserves his special you-pervert looks for Spencer.
Zack is new. Brendon would set him straight, except he’s usually too busy laughing.
*
It’s not like Spencer even does anything inappropriate - this is Spencer, it has to be completely pitch black during movie night in the lounge for him to even hold Brendon’s hand, and Brendon thinks that’s the opposite of subtle, since Brendon would try his very best to sprawl all over Spencer when they weren’t sleeping together - but Brendon supposes there’s a vibe. An I’m-thinking-about-Brendon-naked vibe that Zack is apparently eerily good at picking up on.
For the record, Brendon is totally into that vibe.
“What is wrong with you?” Spencer says, hands on his hips.
Brendon would tell Spencer that there is nothing wrong with him, that he’s absolutely perfect in every way, except there are two little clones running around the city that would not support that theory.
“You could just tell him,” Brendon says, only realizing after he says it that it’s probably the wrong thing to say, but he doesn’t really want to take it back. It’s not like everybody doesn’t know. They just don’t talk about it.
“Don’t be stupid.” Spencer sighs, rubs a hand over his forehead. And then he frowns and says, “I want Zack to like me,” and Brendon maybe cracks up a little at his whiny tone, because Captain Zack is the best thing to ever happen to Atlantis in a good long while.
*
Jon, much like heroes of yore, can always be depended upon in times of trouble. He’s saved their asses more than once on off-world missions. He’s usually calm, cool and collected when things go horribly wrong - unless Ryan happens to be dying or something - and Brendon loves that about him.
“If I weren’t so completely in touch with how awesome I am, I’d be jealous,” Jon tells Brendon.
Brendon is mooning over Captain Zack, who’s seated five tables away from them in the mess. “He’s spectacular,” he says with a sigh.
Jon gives him a look. “Dude.”
Brendon waves his hands around. “I don’t know, Jon, it’s just really nice to be liked!” He’s self-aware enough to know that he’s kind of annoying, and not in the brilliant way that Pete’s annoying, but in the everyone’s-little-brother way - the way that gets Sergeant Bob stuck on a Wraith ship with him or gets his team shot at - and it’s starting to get a little insulting when all the Marines act so freaking surprised when he fixes, like, the garbage chute. Even Spencer occasionally looks at Brendon like he’s a moron. Brendon’s not an evil genius or anything, but he’s actually excellent at fixing everything that needs to be fixed. Zack recognizes how great Brendon is, and it seems like Brendon doesn’t even have to impress him with his mad engineering skills.
“Hey, little buddy,” Jon says, frowning. “You don’t think-”
“Jon,” Brendon cuts him off, “you’re my best friend, you know that.”
Jon’s face brightens, and for a second Brendon thinks maybe Jon didn’t know that.
“Best,” Brendon says, reaching across the table to pat the back of Jon’s hand. “No one finer.” He doesn’t know how to explain to Jon that Zack always follows him into danger because he believes in him, not because he thinks Brendon’s going to accidentally kill himself. At least, not without insulting Jon or making Zack sound like a pet dog.
Jon nods like he knows that’s not the whole story, but he doesn’t make Brendon say anything else about it anyway.
*
Little Brendon and Little Ryan are inseparable.
In a very surreal move, Ryan insists they stay with him in his quarters, and Jon just looks sort of bewildered and bemused, which is usually his default around Ryan anyway.
Even though they’re staying with Ryan, Ryan gets distracted easily - way easier than Brendon, seriously, he doesn’t know why he’s practically the only one who notices this - which is how Little Brendon and Little Ryan have managed to do something to the transporters on the entire east side of the city.
Meanwhile, Brendon is singing Captain Zack Attack a song about grilled ham and cheese sandwiches.
“I like that part at the end,” Zack says, nodding, “with the sizzling.”
“It’s the best part,” Brendon agrees. They maybe agree on this because they’re starving and walking back from the east side of the city, and there are no taxis or smart cars or hovercrafts to speed up their journey. Brendon’s pretty sure they’ve missed both lunch and second-lunch.
When Zack stops in his tracks and taps his radio, Brendon stops, too. He stuffs his hands in his pockets and watches Zack nod and say, “Yes, sir,” and, “Dr. Urie’s with me,” and, “I’m sure he can, sir,” with such casual confidence, Brendon is in no way prepared for him to turn and say, “We need you to stop a third of the city from blowing up.”
Brendon gapes at him. “What?”
“Transporters are down, it’ll take hours to get someone else out this far,” Zack says, completely calm, like what he said doesn’t also mean they’re dead if Brendon fucks up.
It’s kind of awesome, actually.
“Right.” Brendon claps his hands together. “First things first, I need to find a console.”
*
Here’s the thing. Brendon’s never minded before, but Spencer’s kind of mean to him when they’re not alone. He’s so used to it that he doesn’t even really think about it until Zack points it out.
“Smith’s kind of a jackass to you, like, all the time,” Zack says.
“It’s his way of letting me know he cares,” Brendon says, only half joking. Spencer’s just stormed out of the infirmary after calling Brendon a reckless idiot with the reflexes of a tree sloth, since, to save the entire east side of the city, Brendon maybe sort of set the tiny, dusty lab he’d been working in on fire. He’d had to reroute the power somewhere, and it’d only been a small fire, and Zack had gotten Brendon out before too much of his skin burned off. He’s fine, really. Ritter gave him some aloe.
Zack grunts, clearly unimpressed.
“No, really,” Brendon says. “He loves me.” He means that as much in the casual bro sense as the forever and ever sexy sense, too. They’re team members and family first.
Zack arches an eyebrow at him, then pats his shoulder, mouth pulled down in this sad, sympathetic frown. “Brendon, dude, he doesn’t even like you.”
*
Nighttimes on Atlantis are some of Brendon’s favorite times. He snuggles up next to Spencer and burrows his hands under Spencer’s armpits and gnaws a little on Spencer’s undershirt, right over his collarbone.
Spencer huffs and tugs him closer, so Brendon’s resting almost entirely on top of him, warm and comfy.
“I was wrong,” Brendon says. He looks up, digs his chin into Spencer’s sternum.
Spencer’s eyes are mostly closed, and his hand’s absently rubbing up and down Brendon’s spine. “About what?” he says, voice sleepy.
“Zack. He doesn’t think you want to molest me.” Brendon now knows that Zack distinguishes between possible sexual predators and intolerant assholes.
Spencer cracks one eye open. “What?”
“He thinks you hate me,” Brendon says, and now he’s got Spencer’s full attention, Spencer’s hand fisting into the back of Brendon’s shirt.
“That’s-”
“Spencer,” Brendon levers himself up on his palms, braces himself on either side of Spencer’s chest, “he thinks you hate me because I’m gay.”
Brendon actually thinks it’s a little funny, but judging by the constipated look on his face, Spencer totally doesn’t agree.
*
Ever since Little Brendon and Little Ryan moved in with him, Ryan’s been slightly more incoherent than usual. He’s always rambling about indigenous peoples and crap, so Brendon mostly tunes him out anyway, but lately even when Brendon pays attention he has no idea what Ryan’s talking about. Ryan also has deep purple bruises under his eyes, like Jon’s been beating him up.
Finally, Ryan says, “Your mom must be a saint.”
“Amen,” Brendon says, nodding, even though he’s pretty sure it’s his mom’s side of the family that’s so weird. His dad’s parents never get dressed up for Presidents’ Day, as far as Brendon knows - those wigs are legendary in the younger Urie household, Brendon always got Rutherford B. Hayes and a fake beard - or have puppet shows with their feet or have a Rainbow Explosion on the first day of spring, where they all spell out ROY G BIV with their clothes. Kool-Aid makes an awesome hair dye.
But Brendon understands what Ryan’s trying to say this time. Little Brendon has most likely built a fort in the bathroom with all of Ryan’s hangers.
“Okay,” Jon says, sliding his tray onto the table and sitting down next to Ryan, “remember when Carden had that thing with Efron? That thing where they regularly tried to kill each other in the gym and pretended it didn’t have anything to do with Jonas?”
Brendon nods. He remembers that well. Efron has some slick moves, and ‘Gate Tech Kevin’s kind of easy to impress.
Ryan just stares at him, spaced out - his eyes are glazed.
Jon sends him a fond, goofy grin before clearing his throat and saying, “So, anyway, someone gave Spencer fighting sticks, and I think he made Captain Hall cry.”
*
Spencer did not actually make Captain Zack cry. Zack’s too huge and manly to cry, but he does scowl a lot and favor his right leg.
“I don’t think beating up Zack is a good way to make him like you. Or convince him that you’re not a homophobe,” Brendon says, stepping up next to Spencer at the edge of the ‘gate room.
“Jesus Christ, Brendon.”
Brendon stands his ground, because he’s all for Spencer defending his honor - it’s actually kind of awesome when Spencer defends his honor, Brendon is totally willing to leave all deserved ass-kicking to him - but Zack’s never done anything except be Brendon’s friend. “And if you’re trying to scare him away from me, you know-I like Zack.”
“I know, Brendon,” Spencer says, kind of tiredly. He tugs on the straps of his tac vest, checks all his pockets. “The entire city knows.”
Brendon bristles. “I don’t like him, like him-I wouldn’t-are you jealous?”
“Let’s save the middle school conversations for after the mission, okay, Urie?” Spencer says, and before Brendon can say anything else, he’s giving Chislett in the tower a thumbs-up and the ‘gate starts dialing open.
*
Brendon complains to Jon, munching on a power bar and stalking down the path several lengths behind Ryan and Spencer. He doesn’t get it. “And now he’s ignoring me,” Brendon says, exasperated, because Spencer’s only asked how he was doing once, and then he’d told Jon to keep an eye on him.
Jon bites his lip and scans the area, hand curled protectively over the barrel of his P-90. He takes a few minutes, and then he says, slowly, “Well, you’re not wrong.”
“I’m-huh?”
“I don’t think you’re wrong,” Jon says. He cocks his head at him. “About Spencer being jealous.”
He kind of got that already, but it doesn’t mean he understands it. He glances ahead, makes sure Spencer’s a good distance away. “It’s dumb, though, Spencer knows I’m in love with him.”
Jon smiles. “Yeah, but he doesn’t give you what Zack does, right?”
“Uh.” Brendon scratches the side of his neck. Zack gives him unwavering support, but that can’t be it, because Spencer’s way too worried about Brendon losing limbs to encourage Brendon’s penchant for doing things that may result in Brendon losing limbs. Zack also gives him piggyback rides.
Jon jostles him with an elbow.
“Just think about it, Bren,” he says, and then he claps Brendon’s shoulder and says, “Let’s hustle up, we don’t want to lose them.”
*
Brendon thinks about it the next time they go exploring, and the next time Zack sits with him at lunch, and when he calls him on his comm. to meet him at the gym, and when they partner up with Jon and Greta in Pete’s Second Annual Atlantis Bocce Ball Tournament.
It takes him a week. It takes him one long, baffling week, and then Zack scootches up next to him on a couch in the common lounge, maneuvers him half in his lap to make room for Frank and Gee, and even though it’s totally platonic, no awkwardness or tension involved, Zack catches the back of his neck in one large hand and Brendon thinks, oh.
*
Atlantis is a very small, enclosed society. No one even blinks when Sergeant Bob manhandles Joe, or when Carden touches Kevin - back, neck, arms - or when Captain Gabe accidentally-on-purpose falls into Bill and gropes him in the commissary. And no one cares when Nick and Gomez hold hands, or if Asher shows up to movie night in the lounge wearing Lacey’s shirt. It’s never a big deal, because it’s not like any of that is a surprise.
Brendon’s tried to tell Spencer this before, but he’s also not going to pressure Spencer into something he’s not comfortable with. Which means it’s pretty petty for Spencer to blame Zack and Brendon for his own problems.
Brendon’s an awesome guy, so he doesn’t get mad.
He gets serious, though, and he traps Spencer in his quarters and crosses his arms over his chest and says, “You can’t possibly think I like Zack better than you, first of all.”
Spencer rolls his eyes. “No.”
“Right.” Brendon nods. “So do you want to tell Zack, or should I?” Brendon’s willing to let public displays of affection slide; he has plenty of other people who’ll let him hang all over them if he gets tired of Zack. Like Bob. Maybe. If Bob’s in a good mood. But this whole Spencer-Zack war thing has to stop, because Efron disappeared for nearly a week two months ago, and now he walks a wide, cautious berth around Kevin. No one could ever definitively pin anything on Carden, but Brendon’s not willing to give up his very best exploring pal just so Spencer can prove a point.
“Brendon.”
Brendon sighs, then relaxes his arms and slumps forward onto Spencer’s lap. He presses his palms on Spencer’s cheeks and looks deep into his eyes and says, “I love you. I love you, Spence, and I don’t need to accidentally molest you in public to prove it. But if you don’t fix this with Zack, I’m sleeping in my own room.” He arches his eyebrows. “That’s right. No ass for you.”
Spencer’s lips twitch. Score.
“You can tell him whatever you want, I’m very trusting,” Brendon says, nodding. “Just so long as you don’t beat him with sticks anymore.”
Spencer full-on grins then, and fits his hands over Brendon’s hips. “Hey, he was pretty good with those. I didn’t see you worrying about my wounds.”
Brendon wriggles closer, letting his knees tuck under the chair arms and presses his belly up against Spencer’s. “All your parts seem to be working,” he says, mock-earnestly. “I think you’re good.”
“I don’t know, I think you need to take a closer look.”
*
“Hey, Bren,” Jon says.
Brendon tilts his head to the side. “You’ve got some sort of growth on your shoulder.”
Jon nods. “I’m thinking about seeing a doctor. Maybe I can get it surgically removed.”
Little Ryan just giggles and clutches his tiny fingers tighter on Jon’s jacket. He ducks his face into Jon’s neck and Jon grins over his head at Brendon and Brendon thinks Jon would make an awesome dad.
“Where’s mini me?”
“Napping with Ryan,” Jon says. “They’re cuddling and everything. I took pictures, I’ll show you later.”
Brendon says, “Excellent,” because Ryan’s mothering instincts will never stop being hilarious. Brendon thinks it’s especially funny that Ryan’s raising him. At some point that’s going to get pretty surreal for all of them.
“We’re on our way to snag some Snack Packs from Morris. Wanna come?” Jon asks, and Brendon’s actually been stealthily trying to find Spencer - Brendon does indeed trust Spencer, honest, only he really wants to know what he says to Zack, and there’s no guarantee Spencer will tell him afterwards - but he never says no to pudding, especially in Snack Pack form.
*
When Brendon finally catches up to Spencer and Captain Zack, they’re standing in the hallway just outside the ‘gate room, doing something with ice cubes. Brendon scoops up a spoonful of pudding and watches Spencer chuck a cube over his shoulder, barely looking, and Zack catches it in an earthenware mug.
“Nice,” Zack says.
Brendon isn’t sure what’s going on, but at least they’re bonding now and not hitting each other. He sneaks away after a couple minutes, before they can see him, since they aren’t saying anything interesting, and he’s sure if he interrupts them he’s likely to get ice down his pants.
There are certain appropriate times to have ice down his pants, and this is not one of them.
*
While Brendon doesn’t think he’s dad material, he’s not averse to babysitting. He’s worn out Little Brendon and Little Ryan - and himself, Spencer, Zack, three-fourths of the botany labs, Pete, Lovato, and Hurley’s new pet biochemist, Knight, with the weird anime hair, Brendon wants to touch it - with a rousing game of graveyard freeze tag in the gym.
Brendon hangs on Captain Zack’s arm and says, “Carry me,” because his feet don’t feel like working anymore.
“I’m not a camel,” Zack says. He’s already got Little Ryan draped sleepily over his shoulder.
Little Brendon is still standing, but only just barely. He’s leaning into Knight’s legs, one hand curled into the utility pocket on the outside of his thigh.
Brendon sighs at the unfairness of it all. And then he flutters his lashes suggestively at Spencer.
Spencer flicks a quick glance at Zack, smirks and says, “No way, Urie,” and Zack snorts, but it isn’t one of those I-don’t-think-you’re-worth-it snorts. There’s no veiled threat there, and Zack isn’t scowling, and Brendon beams at them, because he likes it when all his buddies get along; it’s nice. This doesn’t solve his current problem, though. The problem where his legs are basically made of jelly and he wants to nap on his way back to his room.
He tugs on Zack’s jacket sleeve and pouts with his eyes and leans his cheek against Zack’s upper arm so he looks extra pathetic, and then Spencer huffs and goes, “Fuck’s sake, Brendon,” and maneuvers Little Ryan out of Zack’s arms.
Brendon would do a little jig if he wasn’t so tired. Instead, he says, “Yes,” and hops up on Zack’s back.
*
Brendon says, “I am in no way curious about what you and Zack talked about,” thus stating that he is indeed curious, but in a sneaky way.
“Okay,” Spencer says, and then doesn’t say anything else.
Perhaps Brendon is being too sneaky. He adds, “If it was opposite day.”
Spencer arches an eyebrow at him, but remains steadfastly focused on his slice of pumpkin pie.
Jon looks over at Brendon and says, “If it was opposite day, I’d say you looked handsome and manly in that t-shirt.”
“Than-oh, fuck you, Walker,” Brendon says, frowning; there’s nothing wrong with his t-shirt, he looks awesome in pastels, and Brendon is always manly.
Ryan snickers, but he doesn’t have any room to talk. He’s sporting this new-sheriff-in-town look, complete with a kicky scarf around his neck, and if it was opposite day, Brendon would totally tell him that he was relevant and hip. Brendon’s pretty sure the opposite of that is lame.
“You all are mean,” Brendon says, pushing back from the table and getting to his feet. “I’m going exploring with Zack, because Zack appreciates me.”
Spencer salutes him with his fork.
*
Later, after Little Zack gets cleared by Carson and Dr. Weir just shakes her head at them and Colonel Sheppard tells them they can’t go exploring by themselves anymore, Spencer sort of laughs himself silly.
Like, he laughs until he can’t breathe and Brendon has to pound on his back, and Spencer gasps, “Stop, stop, oh god, I’m gonna throw up,” still completely hysterical, and Brendon realizes that maybe Zack’s blind faith in him isn’t totally optimum for his survival. It’s pretty sweet, yeah, and if Brendon was picking his tag team partner for mud wrestling Zack would totally be it, but caution can be good. Someone telling him to stop and think twice and maybe not touch that giant whirligig thing might be a good idea, because Zack’s default response is always, “Go for it.”
This doesn’t mean that Zack isn’t the best guy to have around. It just means that Brendon has to convince Spencer to go with them.
*
The first time Brendon asks Spencer, Spencer says no. He says no the second and third and tenth times, too, so Brendon asks Dr. Knight to go exploring instead, because Knight always says, “What up, B?” and does this fist-pound, finger explosion thing that never gets old.
Also, Spencer can’t stand him. Brendon isn’t one-hundred percent sure, but he thinks it’s because there are manga characters that aren’t as pretty and pointy as Knight is, and because Spencer knows one of Brendon’s goals in life is to touch his hair.
The problem with exploring with Knight, though, is that he doesn’t exactly round them out - they’re not a cohesive and safe team. There’s Zack, who likes to encourage free thinking so long as everyone’s getting along, and Brendon, who’s never met an Ancient device he couldn’t accidentally turn on or blow up, and now there’s Knight. Knight has no sense of direction. This isn’t necessarily a terrible thing, Zack always knows where they are in the city, except Knight can turn a corner and completely disappear. It’s like his superpower.
“Oh, hey, cool,” Knight says, only Brendon can’t see him.
Brendon looks up at Zack. “Uh.”
“There’s a good chance he’s invisible,” Zack says, because he knows how things work here.
Brendon sweeps out a hand and says, “Sterling?” Hurley will kill them if they lose his newest lab lackey.
“This room is huge, man,” Knight says, voice sort of distant and tinny and echo-y, and Brendon pushes his palms up against the wall, searching for a hidden passage or something, being careful with his feet, just in case Knight’s been shrunk down to microscopic size.
Knight says, “Can’t find a door, though. Oh, wait, wait, I see-”
The wall in front of Brendon sort of dissolves and he falls forward hard onto his hands and knees.
Knight grins down at him. “Oops.”
*
Brendon forgives Knight for his bruises, because Knight has found an auditorium. An acoustically awesome auditorium; Brendon stands in the middle of the stage and sings the theme song from Perfect Strangers and his voice is like a mountain - it booms, it fills every molecule of air with glorious sound.
“This is the best place in the entire galaxy,” Brendon says, nearly breathless.
Zack claps for him and whistles and then calls out from the very back, “Sing about the ham and cheese!”
*
“Come exploring with us,” Brendon asks Spencer. Brendon’s practically buzzing with excitement, and Spencer looks at him askance.
“Why?”
Brendon waves his hands around. “Because you’re missing out! We find the coolest places,” he says, and also because he thinks it’s only a matter of time before Colonel Sheppard finds out about Knight, and how Knight needs more supervision than Zack and Brendon combined, and sooner or later Sheppard’s just going to tell them they can’t explore at all anymore, no matter what.
“Hi,” Little Zack says, climbing up onto the couch next to Spencer. Little Zack is more of a loner than Little Brendon and Little Ryan. “I like cats.” Plus, he tries to emulate Jon, and that’s just plain funny.
“Cats are cool, little man,” Jon says, following him into the lounge and giving him a finger gun. “Who’s ready for dinner?”
“I’m ready for Spencer to see our awesome and amazing find,” Brendon says, then turns on the puppy eyes, because he’s sure Spencer will love the auditorium, even if Knight’s already claimed it in the name of biochemistry, and is calling it Andrew Hurley Hall. He’s already submitted the paperwork to Weir - it’s unclear whether this is because he’s a giant suck-up or because he’s secretly in love with his boss.
Spencer sighs. “Can it wait until later?” he asks, and Brendon does a fist-pump, because that’s totally a yes.
*
Zack and Knight are slumped down in the front row, shoulder to shoulder.
Brendon has Spencer sit towards the back, right in the middle where the sound’ll bounce off every surface and converge.
He sings Blue Moon. He starts off soft, taps his foot slow and even to keep time - when he closes his eyes, he can imagine the gentle swell of the orchestra, and he thinks maybe if he wasn’t doing this, here on Atlantis, he’d be doing that; he can feel it in his fingers, all his limbs tingling as the last note hangs in the air.
He is awesome.
Zack and Knight clap and Spencer gives him a small wave. Spencer’s kind of far away from him, but Brendon thinks maybe his face is flushed - because they’re in love. Brendon blows him a kiss.
Then he says, “And now I’d like to sing a little number called The Facts of Life.”
*
Technically, Little Zack is living with Ryan, but some nights he likes to sneak into Spencer’s quarters and demand bedtime stories. And then he passes out on the bed and Spencer has to move him to the couch, because he says it’s too far to carry him all the way back down to Ryan’s place so late at night. Brendon suspects Spencer’s just a softie for Little Z, with his tuft of white-blonde hair and chubby cheeks and the way he thinks too much when he walks, slow and methodical, staring down at his feet.
Little Z snores when he’s on his back. Small, whiffing snores, and Brendon drifts for a while, curled up next to Spencer, not quite tired enough to fall asleep.
He hums Blue Moon, soft and low.
Spencer absently rubs a thumb over Brendon’s nape, and Brendon smiles into the steady rise and fall of his chest.
“So you’re gonna save me from Sterling and Zack, right?” Brendon asks, because making one adventurous hike to Andrew Hurley Hall doesn’t mean he’s willing to follow them around on a regular basis.
Spencer squeezes his neck lightly and says, “Go to sleep, Brendon.”
“That’s not a no,” Brendon says, even though he’s not completely sure of that until Spencer doesn’t deny it, until he just snorts and says, “Go to sleep,” again.
Brendon traces the waistband of his pajama bottoms and sings a lullaby, because he’s giving like that.
Spencer says, “If you don’t shut up, I’m going to punch you in the head.”
“You lie,” Brendon says, but he shuts up anyway. He thinks he should be content, but he’s not. He’s just-he’s antsy, for some reason. Some hugely mysterious unknown reason. After a few minutes, he says, “So sticking my hand down your pants right now would be wrong.”
“Yes, Brendon.”
Brendon sighs. This is why he doesn’t want kids.
*
Brendon is only a little jealous when Captain Zack chooses Knight for his away team. It’s not like Brendon would ever leave Spencer’s team, but it still makes him feel a little left out.
Of course, Zack also picked Lovato and Joe Jonas, and that’s just crazy talk.
Brendon says as much to Jon as he straps on his thigh holster. “It’s like if Bob took all the Alexes hunting.”
“A disaster of epic proportions,” Jon says, grinning.
Brendon nods. “Exactly. I need to warn him.” Plus, Joe Jonas has a really bad track record with the women of Atlantis, and Lovato has a crush on Knight so big you can see it from Earth.
Spencer rolls his eyes, checking all the straps on Brendon’s tac vest before doing the same to his own. “You can warn him after we get back,” he says. His lips twitch into a small smile. “Dr. Knight mentioned scoping out the lower level labs, down by the submersible ‘jumpers.”
Labs, submersible ‘jumpers, more stuff to break, turn on, blow up - there’s a good chance Knight’ll end up almost drowning, he’s seriously got a talent for stepping in shit. Brendon can’t wait.
“Lay on, MacDuff,” Brendon says, gesturing towards the ‘gate, because Brendon is worldly and intelligent, no matter what Ryan says.
Ryan, currently a man-shaped shell of his former self, like a zombie or a robot with half its charge depleted, brightens as the dialing sequence starts, the blue puddle whooshing outwards when the ‘gate opens. “Three whole days,” he says, almost reverently. “It’s like a vacation with guns and possible death.”
“Keep the faith, Ross,” Jon says, clapping Ryan on the shoulder.
“Little B calls me mommy,” Ryan says. “I think it’s on purpose.”
It’s so on purpose, Brendon thinks, but he doesn’t say that out loud. He just grins at Ryan, and then he grins wider, and he can see the exact moment when Ryan realizes exactly what he’s doing with his life, and how insane it is.
“Oh my god, I’m really Brendon Urie’s mommy,” he says, horrified; he brings up skinny, spindly fingers to cover his mouth.
Brendon doesn’t think that’s really a bad thing. He’s always been really big on family; Little B will totally take care of Ryan in his doddering old age. What would be awesome would be if Little B and Little Ryro grew up and fell in love. That would actually make Brendon’s entire life.
“What, what? Why are you grinning like that?” Ryan asks. He sounds desperate and a little scared.
“Are we going or are we going to stand here and gossip all day?” Spencer says, hooking a thumb impatiently over his shoulder towards the open ‘gate.
Brendon swings an arm over Ryan’s shoulders, steers him across the floor. “Just wait until he hits puberty, it’ll be the best.”
Ryan groans. “I hate you so very much.”
*
“Love, love, love,” Brendon sing-songs, lying back on Spencer’s bed. He looks up at the ceiling and sighs and says, “Do you think we’ll ever go back to Earth, Spence?”
“Yeah,” Spencer says. “Of course.”
Brendon leverages himself up on his elbows. “Yeah?”
Spencer nods, cocks his head and frowns at him. “Why?”
Brendon shrugs. “No reason.” He’s lying, he totally has a reason. A big reason, because he knows Spencer loves him, but he doesn’t think he can have this, have them anywhere but on Atlantis - only here, where he gets Spencer in practically every aspect of his life. He doesn’t think Spencer would ever admit it, but Brendon’s still pretty sure it’s true. He’s never doubted anything about his relationship with Spencer, weird amnesia incidents aside, and he knows Spencer would still want to be with him, but Earth’s a completely different atmosphere - he just can’t see it happening.
Spencer narrows his eyes.
Brendon rubs the side of his hand under his nose and turns away. “Someday you’ll retire. That’ll be a good day, probably.”
“Brendon.”
“It’s okay.” It’s not okay, but at the same time he knows it’ll have to be.
“Brendon, you-” The bed dips when Spencer sits down next to him. He curls a hand over Brendon’s side and Brendon leans his head onto Spencer’s shoulder. He sighs. “You get serious at the weirdest times.”
Brendon drums his fingers over Spencer’s thigh, a slow, even rhythm.
“Sing me a song,” Spencer murmurs, and Brendon smiles into the rough material of his uniform jacket.
He sings the happiest song he knows.
*
Down in the murky dark, the hallways echoing with their solid footsteps, the undulating water outside the long stretch of windows painting the walls with weird lines of light - Knight and Zack are talking in low voices ten paces ahead of them, Knight animatedly waving his hands, and Spencer is walking next to Brendon, humming Something under his breath.