Too Cool For School -or- Brian O’Connor: Undercover Hall Monitor
2,000+ | PG-13 | Brian/Dom
With his other hand, Dom palms the back of Brian’s neck, presses their foreheads together. “You’re alright, junior-year,” he says.
A/N: This is a PARODY of the first movie - like a ten second send up or something - masquerading as a shitty high school AU, with bonus Rome, because he cracks me up. This is completely dumb, makes little to no sense, but it made me giggle. I wrote it within the span of scant hours, I may’ve been high: read at your own risk.
Too Cool For School -or- Brian O’Connor: Undercover Hall Monitor
“You’re a fucking narc, bro,” Rome says, smacking Brian in the back of the head.
“Nah.” Brian slams his locker shut and shoots Rome a cocky grin. “I do this, Tanner’ll spit-shine my recommendation,” he says. West Point’s a bigger deal to his dad than Brian, but he figures he’s got nowhere else to go.
“Whatever, man, Toretto’s going to kick your ass, and I’m gonna sit back and fucking laugh.”
“Bitch,” Brian says, still grinning.
“Watch your mouth, white bread, or I’ll kick your face in,” Rome says, but he’s got a big-ass grin on his mouth, too, teeth flashing. He palms Brian’s head, ruffles his hair. “Guess I gotta watch your skinny-ass back, right?”
“I’ll be fine.” Brian shoves his hands in the pockets of his baggy jeans. “Dom’s a pussycat.”
“Oh yeah,” Rome says, nodding. “Big ole pussycat, sure. Careful he doesn’t shred all the skin off your balls.”
Brian arches an eyebrow. “You’re one weird-ass dude, bro.”
“You know it.”
*
Dom Toretto usually holds court in the second floor boys’ bathroom in the science wing, but Brian isn’t stupid enough to think he can just stroll on in there without getting beat down, especially after the whole dating Dom’s sister thing.
Luckily, Brian has fourth period English with Mia.
“Hey, beautiful,” Brian says, dropping down backwards in his seat, elbows resting on Mia’s desk.
Mia arches an eyebrow. “Whatever it is, the answer’s no.”
“Aw, Mia, don’t be like that.” Brian goes for the big-eyes, the half-pout. They may not be dating anymore, but that doesn’t actually make Mia immune to his considerable charms, Brian knows this. He can always coax a brownie out of her at lunch.
Mia rolls her eyes.
“Come on, you and me, let’s hang out after school,” Brian says.
“Brian,” Mia says. She taps her shell-pink nails on her notebook. “What are you up to?”
Brian grins winningly. “Nothing. Can’t I spend some time with my best girl?”
“You are so full of shit, O’Connor,” Mia says, but Brian’s charming - he’s clearly too awesome and too cool for Echo Park High School. He knows a yes when he hears one.
“You’re the greatest,” Brian says, and leans forward to peck Mia on the cheek.
She pushes him away, hand flat on the center of his chest. “Down, boy,” she says, dark eyes lit with amusement.
If Brian wasn’t so very gay for her brother, he’d be all over that.
*
“Look, this isn’t his style,” Brian says, leaning back and staring at the ceiling of the vice principal’s office. The tiles are stained in weird, ominous shapes and he pulls a face and looks back at Tanner. “Senior pranks require a certain amount of school spirit. Dom’s already out of here.” Dom’s gone, Brian thinks. He’s just hanging around because his dad expects a diploma.
Tanner gazes at him tiredly. “I thank you for your learned opinion, Mr. O’Connor,” he says, “but let’s stick to the plan.”
Brian shrugs. “Sure thing.” Personally, he thinks the dudes to watch out for are the Trans, but he’d rather worm his way into Dom’s good graces than Johnny’s. Lance is kinda creepy; he’s always staring at Brian’s ass.
Principal Bilkins shifts into the doorway, blocking out all light and goodness from the world. “You have thirty-six hours, O’Connor,” he says.
Brian wrinkles his nose. He’ll have this wrapped up in ten.
*
Rome shoves a spoonful of pudding into his mouth and says, “So rumor is they’re gonna take Bilkins’ car for a joyride. Park it in, like, the fucking pool afterwards or something.”
Bilkins has a glossy-black, low-slung ’74 GTO. Dom’s got a healthy respect for cars in general, Brian knows, and Bilkins’ GTO is sweet. If it’s going in the pool, Dom’s gang isn’t going to be the ones doing it.
Rome jabs at Brian with his spoon. “Toretto’ll go to jail, that shit goes down.”
“It’s not Dom,” Brian says.
Rome eyes him speculatively. “You gonna own up to being Tanner’s little inside man, bro?”
Brian shrugs. He doesn’t think it’s important, actually. He’s just gonna ride this one out, grab his prize, and move on.
*
The good thing is that Brian’s already got a history with Dom. There’s a foundation there, some sweet groundwork, since Dom took a rare shine to him while he’d been chasing Mia. There’d been lots of manly back-pats and arms around necks and kisses on foreheads. You know. General teenage tomfoolery.
The bad thing is that all that groundwork got shot to hell when Brian allegedly broke his baby sister’s heart - which is a crock of shit, Mia did most of the breaking, and Brian thinks mainly he was upset because he wouldn’t get to hang out with Dom anymore.
And then there’s Vince, who has always hated Brian and wishes him to the fiery pits of hell on a daily basis. With his fists.
Mia quirks her mouth up on one side, slants Brian a look as they draw up to the second floor boys’ bathroom. “You sure you want to do this?”
“Yeah,” Brian says, trying on an easy grin that doesn’t feel so easy. Nerves are jangling up his spine; he hadn’t been expecting that.
“Okay,” Mia says, pushing on the door. “Your funeral.”
*
The first thing Brian sees is Letty, and vice versa. Gorgeous Letty, with her curves and sour mouth and soulful eyes. She’s perched on a sink, legs crossed, and she’s glaring at him.
Leon follows her gaze first, and then Jesse, and then Dom, who eyes him narrowly and holds the top of a stall door closed.
There’s a flush and then a, “Hey, what the fuck,” as the door rattles. So. Vince. And Dom’s sparing him a beating, however briefly, which just warms the cockles of Brian’s heart.
“What’re you doing, O’Connor?” Dom says, voice that deep, dark rasp that does things to Brian’s insides, insides no where near his heart.
Mia places a hand on Brian’s arm and says, “Dom.”
“Mia,” Dom says, deceptively calm. There’s a tick at the corner of his jaw. Times like these, Brian finds it hard to believe Dom beat the ever-living shit out of Kenny Linder for smiling at him wrong. “You taking up with this punk again?”
“Geez, Dom, no,” Mia says, and her nails cut into Brian’s arm.
“What’s junior-year want, then?” Dom asks. There’s a little give in the stall door, Vince starts cursing so hard Brian’s hard pressed not to blush, and Dom gives him an evil little smile.
“I have to have a reason to see you guys now?” Brian says. He doesn’t even have to fake the tiny thread of hurt. It’s been a couple weeks since the whole Mia thing, and he’d honestly thought Dom liked him.
Dom raises an eyebrow. “Talk fast, Bri, sooner or later Vince here is gonna figure out how to crawl under the door.”
Vince stops caterwauling, there’s a foreboding pause, and then Vince’s scruffy, menacing face appears near the floor.
“Oh, Christ,” Brian says, but he doesn’t run. He can take Vince. It’ll hurt, yeah, but better that than let Dom think he’s a fucking coward.
Vince’s on him within seconds of scrambling to his feet. He gets a sharp right hook in, but Brian dodges just enough to slide under his guard, thrust his fist into Vince’s stomach.
And then Vince full-on tackles him and they both go down.
*
Dom claps his shoulder and laughs. “You got balls, O’Connor,” he says. “Always thought so.”
Brian scowls around the ice-pack pressed to his cheek, but inside he’s secretly preening.
They’re in Dom’s kitchen, two open Dr. Peppers on the counter. Dom leans back and crosses his arms and watches Brian. Watches him with keen eyes and a rare half-smile on his face. And then he unfolds and straightens, curls careful, thick fingers around Brian’s wrist, tugs the ice-pack away from his face.
With his other hand, Dom palms the back of Brian’s neck, presses their foreheads together. “You’re alright, junior-year,” he says.
Brian spends a longer-than-advisable moment staring into Dom’s eyes, so close he maybe gets a little dizzy, but Dom doesn’t call him on it, and he doesn’t pull away. Brian clears his throat. “Um.”
Dom’s fingers flex, curl tighter around his nape.
Brian’s eyes widen, and he lets out a breathless, “Dom.”
“Now he gets it,” Dom says softly.
Oh yeah, Brian gets it. He grins, too wide, and tangles the fingers of his free hand in the front of Dom’s loose white t-shirt.
Dom glances down at his hold, then gives Brian a sly, measuring look. “You know what you’re doing?”
Brian hitches a shoulder. “Maybe you should show me.”
*
The Toretto house is never empty, and tonight’s no exception. It’s packed, in fact, a pre-grad blow-out, and Dom’s dad is out of town.
Rome calls around eight. “This is fierce, bro,” Rome says. “Bilkins is fucking brassed off, on the rampage.” Bilkins is Rome’s neighbor - sucks for him, handy for Brian.
“Yeah, man,” Brian says absently, staring across the room at Dom and Leon.
“Are you fucking listening to me, white bread?”
Brian’s eyes narrow. Dom looks shifty; he jerks his head towards Letty, avoiding Brian’s gaze. Next to him, Mia leans into Brian’s shoulder, and Brian thinks something’s definitely up. “What you say, Rome?”
“I said Bilkins’ in lockdown. You better hope this ain’t your boy, Bri, shit's about to blow.”
*
Brian keeps an eye on Dom all night - Brian wants to physically latch onto him, curl fingers into the waistband of his jeans, knuckle the small of his back, but his face hurts and he doesn’t feel like fucking dealing with Vince - but he loses track of him sometime after eleven.
He calls Rome, but Rome says Bilkins house is pitch - eerily quiet, too black.
And Brian panics, because everything is suddenly so clear. Dom fucking hates Bilkins and Dom’s out of here in ten days and this is it. This is the best senior prank in decades, Dom’s gonna leave his mark, a giant fuck-you to the principal and Brian wasted so much time thinking for sure that it wasn’t Dom. He didn’t want it to be Dom, and now they’re all fucked unless Brian can get them out in time, before Bilkins and Tanner find them, before they call the fucking cops.
He finds Mia in the kitchen, pouring a drink, and her grin freezes on her face when she sees him, sees his expression.
“Mia-”
“What’s going on, Brian?” Mia says, mouth tight.
“Mia, Bilkins knows. Fuck, do you know what’ll happen if they get caught? They won’t graduate. Dom’s eighteen, Mia, he’ll be tried as a fucking adult. They’ll get him on grand theft auto. Help me the fuck out here, Mia, where are they?”
“I don’t-”
“Don’t lie to me about this, not now, okay?” Brian cuts in, desperate. “I promise you can kick my ass all you want later.”
Mia shakes her head. “But if Bilkins knows, they won’t get within ten feet of that car.”
“Except Bilkins’ been gunning for Dom all year.” And instantly Brian knows it’s true, that this’s been a fucking sting; that they’ve all played right into Bilkins’ hands. “They’re going to let him take it, set the cops after him, Mia.” Brian grabs both of Mia’s arms. “Tell me.”
*
Brian breathes a sigh of relief when he spots Leon’s yellow coupe in the lot behind Wal-Mart, parked angled out, ten spots away from Bilkins’ Pontiac. He swings his truck in behind the GTO and Dom and Vince straighten up from their cocky stances along the back spoiler.
“Dom,” Brian shouts, yanking open his car door and jumping out, gaining Dom in four long strides. He doesn’t bother to keep any distance between them, even though there’s a fifty percent chance Dom’ll break his face for this. “Dom, you gotta get out of here.”
“What?” Dom says.
Brian grits his teeth. “Dom, I’m-I’m a hall monitor.”
“What the fuck does that even mean?” Dom says, half bewildered, half really fucking mad. He grabs Brian’s wrist, pulls him closer.
“It means he’s a motherfucking Tanner plant. I told you he was no fucking good,” Vince yells, racing across the parking lot towards Leon and Letty. “Fucking come on, Dom.”
“That true, Brian?” Sirens wail in the distance, closing in, and Dom’s grip on Brian’s arm tightens. “You call the cops on me?”
Brian’s heart stutters. “No. Fuck no, Dom, but you gotta get out of here.”
Dom hesitates. Leon’s wheels squeal as he peels out, Vince hanging out the window, still yelling at Dom, screaming obscenities at Brian.
“Go,” Brian says, chucking Dom his keys, and he doesn’t beg to go with him, no matter how much he wants to. He’s pretty sure Dom isn’t going to be able to forgive him for this. “I’ll tell them it wasn’t you. All they have are rumors, Dom, I’ll say it wasn’t you.”
“Doesn’t matter,” Dom says, his fingers white around Brian’s keys. “They can’t prove anything.”
Brian nods. That’s right. They’d need Brian as a witness, and at this point Brian doesn’t give a shit about Tanner’s recommendation, not if it comes from alienating Dom.
Dom grins - a sudden, reckless grin - just as the flashing lights crest the top of the hill. Then he tosses the keys back to Brian and says, “You drive.”