"...there's been a run of crazy dreams..." there really has, I also had a weird dream. It seems like a trend going on here. ( can someone ananlyze this? )
Thank you for analyzing this for me!skoolgrl1979October 21 2003, 16:09:07 UTC
That's why being on my own was so good even tho my friends kept screwing me over. I could be ME without all the extra pressure... friends at least let me be me for the most part. Yeah, I've had a guilty conscience for years and I haven't been able to shake it. I felt better about myself when I was away from them (they're wonderful ppl I just suck at being a good kid) and because of who they were and how everyone in town knew them I was expdcted to be a certain way: my little sister's the perfectionist, I just gave up a long time ago. I struggle with feeling guilty for not playing their game; and at the same time I feel repressed and like I'm lying to myself and I feel so jealous of people who CAN do that b/c I can't seem to get away with it.
Um... both? I'm a person who NEEDS schedules and I work best under pressure but it has to be MY pressure, not the pressurs of others or I fall apart.
I've got a LOT of stuff hidden, I know everyone else does too. I guess it's just that... I'm such an open person, friendly, accepting, kind, caring, happy, a little nutty... I've got some seriously deep secrets that NO ONE will EVER dig out of me. NEVER. I've got to be able to convince myself that I really am OK b/c most of the time I don't think so.
That's why being on my own was so good even tho my friends kept screwing me over. I could be ME without all the extra pressure... friends at least let me be me for the most part. Yeah, I've had a guilty conscience for years and I haven't been able to shake it. I felt better about myself when I was away from them (they're wonderful ppl I just suck at being a good kid) and because of who they were and how everyone in town knew them I was expdcted to be a certain way: my little sister's the perfectionist, I just gave up a long time ago. I struggle with feeling guilty for not playing their game; and at the same time I feel repressed and like I'm lying to myself and I feel so jealous of people who CAN do that b/c I can't seem to get away with it.
Um... both? I'm a person who NEEDS schedules and I work best under pressure but it has to be MY pressure, not the pressurs of others or I fall apart.
I've got a LOT of stuff hidden, I know everyone else does too. I guess it's just that... I'm such an open person, friendly, accepting, kind, caring, happy, a little nutty... I've got some seriously deep secrets that NO ONE will EVER dig out of me. NEVER. I've got to be able to convince myself that I really am OK b/c most of the time I don't think so.
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