"...there's been a run of crazy dreams..." there really has, I also had a weird dream. It seems like a trend going on here. ( can someone ananlyze this? )
I think you're right about the HS thing... in a way, I feel like I'm back in HS again. I used to think that I'd fare better in HS with the attitude that I hvae now but now that I think about it, life IS like HS only everyone's older and that really sucks. yeah, I've always known what I've wanted (to an extent) but for some reson, getting there's really hard.
I also don't like getting caught doing stuff that I'm not "supposed" to do. Logically, I know that none of the stuff that I'm doing is REALLY wrong but in my parents' eyes it IS wrong. That's why I HATE living at home. I don't really have an alternative right now b/c as stressed out as I am here I'd be MORE stressed out on my own. That makes me feel TOTALLY inadequate b/c I've wanted to be on my own since I was, like, 12. I was for awhile (when I lived in Ypsi etc.) but ppl who were SUPPOSED to be my friends screwed me over and it didn't happen the way it was supposed to. Basically I ended up $5,000 in debt b/c of poeple who couldn't take care of their end of the bills but managed to live the high life (must have been nice) maybe both of those things factor in for me now.
I don't know if I'm hoping for romance or not. on the surface, it SOUNDS good but I want to figure things out for my self, do things myself first (to prove to myself that I can do it AND to have the time to find out who I really am anyway... it hard for me to do that and be in a relationship). It would be awesome to have a boyfriend who was willing to actually act like a couple: sit down and plan out bills with me, do housework with me, actually have discussions about our relationship and how our lives with work ect. are fitting together. But at the same time, I love being singl b/c I like the freedom to date around and do the stuff that I do.
I also don't like getting caught doing stuff that I'm not "supposed" to do. Logically, I know that none of the stuff that I'm doing is REALLY wrong but in my parents' eyes it IS wrong. That's why I HATE living at home. I don't really have an alternative right now b/c as stressed out as I am here I'd be MORE stressed out on my own. That makes me feel TOTALLY inadequate b/c I've wanted to be on my own since I was, like, 12. I was for awhile (when I lived in Ypsi etc.) but ppl who were SUPPOSED to be my friends screwed me over and it didn't happen the way it was supposed to. Basically I ended up $5,000 in debt b/c of poeple who couldn't take care of their end of the bills but managed to live the high life (must have been nice) maybe both of those things factor in for me now.
I don't know if I'm hoping for romance or not. on the surface, it SOUNDS good but I want to figure things out for my self, do things myself first (to prove to myself that I can do it AND to have the time to find out who I really am anyway... it hard for me to do that and be in a relationship). It would be awesome to have a boyfriend who was willing to actually act like a couple: sit down and plan out bills with me, do housework with me, actually have discussions about our relationship and how our lives with work ect. are fitting together. But at the same time, I love being singl b/c I like the freedom to date around and do the stuff that I do.
Reply
Leave a comment