(no subject)
im so tired of being here...
am i childish???
so,
my mind has been raseing so fast lately that i cant keep up anymore. its starting to break me down in half. life is one lesson, you learn it when your threw... i dunno what to think anymore.. im strugeling with depression.. its eating at me so much, that i can even think. im holding in this scream that needs to come out... ive been trying to hide this for so long.. but maybe some have seen me struggle.. an i tell you im ok. when im not. this has been going on for long enough. i mean for months... i never stop to think about myself. im always there for you!! always!! no matter what if its gonna hurt me in any way. i will still take your pain away, to leave you happy.. i want to give up so bad. no one sees how hard it is to just smile.. this fuckin thing eats away at my brain.. seriously. it feels like something its eating me away in side. an im letting it happen..day by day.. you will fall from me... there have been times were ive just wanted to fall to my knees an tell you im sorry for every thing ive ever done. an that im sorry. will we be together again??? who knows... nothings happening, so i think its time to start over. ive made it this far, an i hope i get to see it when i turn 21. an when i do, i would be so proud that i made it all this way to see 21. yea it may be the age to drink an all. what matters to me is my mental health. an that i fuckin made it 21 years of hell...
i wish someone would understand me, like how i understand everyone else. an if i dont, i would take the time to understand you. coming from some were i havent been.... all i fuckin want, is to be loved. an have the respect an loyalness that someone can share with another. i cant seem to find that. is that like asking 2 much from someone? or its just not there in anyone anymore?.i cant trust anyone after what ive been put threw. i wish i had someone, that treated me like how i treat others... i dont wanna wait anymore....an when she comes, ill will be all the best i can be to make this reationship work. i want to be able to put the razorblade down. an not ruin my skin with scars. my scars hold ugly memories. an i just keep adding to the pial.instend of cutting i starve myself.. i dont think ide admit this in person.. but i think its something i do.i hate eating, its not what it youst to bee. i will admit, im a fuckin mess.. why!!!! would you even want to be around me or date me?....some times all i ever want, is for someone to sit with me.. an just talk to me.. thats all i ever want sometimes..like,i crave it....for someone to just hear me. an i want to here them...
im done..
am i childish???
so,
my mind has been raseing so fast lately that i cant keep up anymore. its starting to break me down in half. life is one lesson, you learn it when your threw... i dunno what to think anymore.. im strugeling with depression.. its eating at me so much, that i can even think. im holding in this scream that needs to come out... ive been trying to hide this for so long.. but maybe some have seen me struggle.. an i tell you im ok. when im not. this has been going on for long enough. i mean for months... i never stop to think about myself. im always there for you!! always!! no matter what if its gonna hurt me in any way. i will still take your pain away, to leave you happy.. i want to give up so bad. no one sees how hard it is to just smile.. this fuckin thing eats away at my brain.. seriously. it feels like something its eating me away in side. an im letting it happen..day by day.. you will fall from me... there have been times were ive just wanted to fall to my knees an tell you im sorry for every thing ive ever done. an that im sorry. will we be together again??? who knows... nothings happening, so i think its time to start over. ive made it this far, an i hope i get to see it when i turn 21. an when i do, i would be so proud that i made it all this way to see 21. yea it may be the age to drink an all. what matters to me is my mental health. an that i fuckin made it 21 years of hell...
i wish someone would understand me, like how i understand everyone else. an if i dont, i would take the time to understand you. coming from some were i havent been.... all i fuckin want, is to be loved. an have the respect an loyalness that someone can share with another. i cant seem to find that. is that like asking 2 much from someone? or its just not there in anyone anymore?.i cant trust anyone after what ive been put threw. i wish i had someone, that treated me like how i treat others... i dont wanna wait anymore....an when she comes, ill will be all the best i can be to make this reationship work. i want to be able to put the razorblade down. an not ruin my skin with scars. my scars hold ugly memories. an i just keep adding to the pial.instend of cutting i starve myself.. i dont think ide admit this in person.. but i think its something i do.i hate eating, its not what it youst to bee. i will admit, im a fuckin mess.. why!!!! would you even want to be around me or date me?....some times all i ever want, is for someone to sit with me.. an just talk to me.. thats all i ever want sometimes..like,i crave it....for someone to just hear me. an i want to here them...
im done..