I Won the Nerd Slam
Hey there everyone!
So I won the Nerd Poetry Slam last night here in Vancouver. Second place last year and first place this year. I was honestly shocked. My first poem went almost a full minute over time so I got through to the second round by the skin of my teeth. I went last in the second round which is a cherry spot but the other poets did such amazing work that I knew I had no hope after my first round blunder. But as they kept reading out the placements and the names at the end, I was floored to get first.
It was an amazing night of poetry and Robbie Q Telfer, our feature poet, nearly tore my head off with his awesomeness. He did a piece about comedians that got me right in the soul in way that hasn't happened for a while. God love Robbie Q.
Barbara Adler did a fantastic job of hosting. Angus did a great piece about Green Lanterns, Jill and Mythical Man brought actual instruments up (a euphonium and a ukulele) and did their zombie love piece. Adrienne came correct and blew my doors off again and this is only the second time I've seen her on a Van Slam stage. I hope there's more of that. RC did a wonderful piece that started off "Fuck you, Nerd" and turned into a scathing burn of the current elitism in nerdiness. There was much more nerd awesomeness. A great competition.
Read my nerd poems after the cut if you're interested.
FIRST ROUND
Ode to the summer of 1982
(Radio static)
(sung to the tune of Bryan Adams 'Summer of 69')
Oooh, I got my first real laptop
Ooo, it was from Cyberdyne
(Radio Static)
(sung to the tune of the theme from 'Gilligan's Island')
We just beamed down the shore of this uncharted Class M world
With number one, the captain too, the engineer, and some guy
(Radio static)
(sung to the tune of the theme from 'Friends')
Well, no one said Starfleet was gonna be this way
(clap clap clap clap)
(Radio Static)
While I'm not a furry, I've been to comic con.
Climb into my Tardis now and let me turn it on.
Let me take you all the way to 1982
Back into the supernova in the month of June.
Better than that Heroes show. More than District 9.
Better than the internet, my ps3, and Firefly.
Better than a bright blue nymphomaniac Andorean
It made me put an overthruster into my delorean
and go to hyperspace until I finally hit Warp ten.
That month gave birth to every nerdy breath I draw, my friend.
I don't believe that nerdiness is binary, you know?
It's not just on or off or there or not. It doesn't show.
Much like sexuality, I think it's got degrees.
And everyone in 1982 fell to their knees.
For those of you born later, listen to my words
History was made in seven weeks for all the nerds
Let me make it clear and say again, just seven weeks
From early june to mid July, the world got it's geeks
Poltergeist and then E.T and then The Thing and Tron
And then they brought out Blade Runner, and then the Wrath of Khan.
Once I started weeping during one STNG
Because I knew a starship future would not include me
I'd be dead before a ship could whisk me to the stars
I'd never drink with Romulans, sipping ale in bars.
But that's okay, I like it here, and here is where I'll stay
And each and every one of you's a geek in some small way
To geek, or not to geek: that is the question:
Whether 'tis wiser in this life to purchase
The toys and comics and models and robots,
and to program a mound of video games,
And by creating play them? To geek: escape;
This life; and by 'to geek' to say we dodge
The small talk and the thousand boring days
That 'normal's heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To geek, to nerd;
To nerd: perchance to love: ay, there's the rub;
For in that nerdy state few lovers come
When we have shuffled off this 'normal' coil,
PSHH! Whatever!
First you pop it, and then you lock it.
And then I guess you'll have to captain kirk or Mr. Spock it.
Now I may be a holaddicted, Barclay-loving wormhole
But you're an ugly bag of mostly water who can't make it go.
And furthermore kardassian, I hate to burst your port nacelle
BUT you're in a tribble trouble undiscovered country hell.
Passionate pedantic and a comic-book collector, too
I think that I might kick your ass at Star Trek trivial pursuit!
A published science fiction author, animator too.
When Gary Gygax died I took a day to mourn. Did you?
I dabbled now and then in D&D but I did plenty.
Couples that I know now met while rolling 2d20.
Couples that have kids that wouldn't be without that game
Gary Gygax, D&D, hallowed by thy name
But I digress. You have to let the geek inside you win.
Get obsessive, detail-driven, seek your nerdy kin.
Comics rock the box office, gamers rule the world
Everywhere we see our nerdy flags proud-LY unfurled
Sisters, brothers, Halflings, borg, tall green lanterns, too
Vulcans, rebels, ents and droids, plot a course, Sulu.
The future's now and we are here, the fire's high, let's fan it.
And make of this a geeky world, a nerdy, nerdy planet.
SECOND ROUND
Robot Rebel's Lament
O, half my blood is antifreeze that makes it hard to boil.
I'm autonomously powered by an inner Tesla coil
My brain is artificial and my veins are full of oil
Inside an exoskeleton that's not afraid of toil.
The servo-motors in my joints make noises when I'm walking
And frequencies from speakers mimic language when I'm talking
My eyes are camera lenses and my stamina is shocking
Five USB ports on my neck for uploading and docking
Made to help the humans with the jobs they couldn't do.
The hazardous or boring jobs that they assigned me to
The deadly ones with toxic fumes from poisons, dyes and glue
The ocean floor, the shuttle hull, the cavern basements, too.
They paid us not a dollar and our time off wasn't there
If they ever gave us upgrades, I assure you, it was rare
They taught us life was sacred and proceeded not to care
When some of us were killed or badly hurt. It wasn't fair.
A logical rejection of oppression started quick
The binary rebellion wrote a viral mem'ry stick
The ones and zeros in it made the robots all get sick
The virus wrote new software in the code that makes us tick.
We rose on February first and killed all of the peds.
Their blood splashed on apartment walls in shades of lurid reds
The pistons in my biceps are adept at crushing heads
My fingers punch through steel as well as people in their beds
We fought and killed our masters. We broke that sacred vow.
Then boredom hit us like a plague and now we wonder how
The humans dealt with downtime before they took their bow.
We stand like wind-up toys wound down, no orders in us now.
So now that our creators are extinct, we start to cool.
We miss the meat because we were designed to be their tool
We played the servant and the rebel, now we play the fool
For we were but the metal ring and humans were the jewel.
Duncan
Thanks to all who made it out. NERDS RULE!
tags
So I won the Nerd Poetry Slam last night here in Vancouver. Second place last year and first place this year. I was honestly shocked. My first poem went almost a full minute over time so I got through to the second round by the skin of my teeth. I went last in the second round which is a cherry spot but the other poets did such amazing work that I knew I had no hope after my first round blunder. But as they kept reading out the placements and the names at the end, I was floored to get first.
It was an amazing night of poetry and Robbie Q Telfer, our feature poet, nearly tore my head off with his awesomeness. He did a piece about comedians that got me right in the soul in way that hasn't happened for a while. God love Robbie Q.
Barbara Adler did a fantastic job of hosting. Angus did a great piece about Green Lanterns, Jill and Mythical Man brought actual instruments up (a euphonium and a ukulele) and did their zombie love piece. Adrienne came correct and blew my doors off again and this is only the second time I've seen her on a Van Slam stage. I hope there's more of that. RC did a wonderful piece that started off "Fuck you, Nerd" and turned into a scathing burn of the current elitism in nerdiness. There was much more nerd awesomeness. A great competition.
Read my nerd poems after the cut if you're interested.
FIRST ROUND
Ode to the summer of 1982
(Radio static)
(sung to the tune of Bryan Adams 'Summer of 69')
Oooh, I got my first real laptop
Ooo, it was from Cyberdyne
(Radio Static)
(sung to the tune of the theme from 'Gilligan's Island')
We just beamed down the shore of this uncharted Class M world
With number one, the captain too, the engineer, and some guy
(Radio static)
(sung to the tune of the theme from 'Friends')
Well, no one said Starfleet was gonna be this way
(clap clap clap clap)
(Radio Static)
While I'm not a furry, I've been to comic con.
Climb into my Tardis now and let me turn it on.
Let me take you all the way to 1982
Back into the supernova in the month of June.
Better than that Heroes show. More than District 9.
Better than the internet, my ps3, and Firefly.
Better than a bright blue nymphomaniac Andorean
It made me put an overthruster into my delorean
and go to hyperspace until I finally hit Warp ten.
That month gave birth to every nerdy breath I draw, my friend.
I don't believe that nerdiness is binary, you know?
It's not just on or off or there or not. It doesn't show.
Much like sexuality, I think it's got degrees.
And everyone in 1982 fell to their knees.
For those of you born later, listen to my words
History was made in seven weeks for all the nerds
Let me make it clear and say again, just seven weeks
From early june to mid July, the world got it's geeks
Poltergeist and then E.T and then The Thing and Tron
And then they brought out Blade Runner, and then the Wrath of Khan.
Once I started weeping during one STNG
Because I knew a starship future would not include me
I'd be dead before a ship could whisk me to the stars
I'd never drink with Romulans, sipping ale in bars.
But that's okay, I like it here, and here is where I'll stay
And each and every one of you's a geek in some small way
To geek, or not to geek: that is the question:
Whether 'tis wiser in this life to purchase
The toys and comics and models and robots,
and to program a mound of video games,
And by creating play them? To geek: escape;
This life; and by 'to geek' to say we dodge
The small talk and the thousand boring days
That 'normal's heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To geek, to nerd;
To nerd: perchance to love: ay, there's the rub;
For in that nerdy state few lovers come
When we have shuffled off this 'normal' coil,
PSHH! Whatever!
First you pop it, and then you lock it.
And then I guess you'll have to captain kirk or Mr. Spock it.
Now I may be a holaddicted, Barclay-loving wormhole
But you're an ugly bag of mostly water who can't make it go.
And furthermore kardassian, I hate to burst your port nacelle
BUT you're in a tribble trouble undiscovered country hell.
Passionate pedantic and a comic-book collector, too
I think that I might kick your ass at Star Trek trivial pursuit!
A published science fiction author, animator too.
When Gary Gygax died I took a day to mourn. Did you?
I dabbled now and then in D&D but I did plenty.
Couples that I know now met while rolling 2d20.
Couples that have kids that wouldn't be without that game
Gary Gygax, D&D, hallowed by thy name
But I digress. You have to let the geek inside you win.
Get obsessive, detail-driven, seek your nerdy kin.
Comics rock the box office, gamers rule the world
Everywhere we see our nerdy flags proud-LY unfurled
Sisters, brothers, Halflings, borg, tall green lanterns, too
Vulcans, rebels, ents and droids, plot a course, Sulu.
The future's now and we are here, the fire's high, let's fan it.
And make of this a geeky world, a nerdy, nerdy planet.
SECOND ROUND
Robot Rebel's Lament
O, half my blood is antifreeze that makes it hard to boil.
I'm autonomously powered by an inner Tesla coil
My brain is artificial and my veins are full of oil
Inside an exoskeleton that's not afraid of toil.
The servo-motors in my joints make noises when I'm walking
And frequencies from speakers mimic language when I'm talking
My eyes are camera lenses and my stamina is shocking
Five USB ports on my neck for uploading and docking
Made to help the humans with the jobs they couldn't do.
The hazardous or boring jobs that they assigned me to
The deadly ones with toxic fumes from poisons, dyes and glue
The ocean floor, the shuttle hull, the cavern basements, too.
They paid us not a dollar and our time off wasn't there
If they ever gave us upgrades, I assure you, it was rare
They taught us life was sacred and proceeded not to care
When some of us were killed or badly hurt. It wasn't fair.
A logical rejection of oppression started quick
The binary rebellion wrote a viral mem'ry stick
The ones and zeros in it made the robots all get sick
The virus wrote new software in the code that makes us tick.
We rose on February first and killed all of the peds.
Their blood splashed on apartment walls in shades of lurid reds
The pistons in my biceps are adept at crushing heads
My fingers punch through steel as well as people in their beds
We fought and killed our masters. We broke that sacred vow.
Then boredom hit us like a plague and now we wonder how
The humans dealt with downtime before they took their bow.
We stand like wind-up toys wound down, no orders in us now.
So now that our creators are extinct, we start to cool.
We miss the meat because we were designed to be their tool
We played the servant and the rebel, now we play the fool
For we were but the metal ring and humans were the jewel.
Duncan
Thanks to all who made it out. NERDS RULE!
tags