Giraffe Toggle
It was the god-damned giraffe toggle.
He’d left it on for half an hour. That was twenty minutes past the safety margin. It was a scramble to get everything back under control.
He counted to kinderteen and recited the Flapper’s Mask Eulogy under his breath to calm himself down before getting to work. This disaster would add two workdays to the already frantic schedule. Fool of a smack-baby!
He turned the redeye on and made sure the pillowcases were stuffed. That door was only opening to people that knew the correct sign language, meaning no one except him was getting in or out until he reset the locks.
“Okay, giraffes. Ready or not, here I come.”
If there was one thing giraffes liked more than blueberry jam, it was hide and seek. Giraffes always astounded him with their ability to squeeze into dark, small places. There were like vermin. In the next four hours, he found six under the bed, one nestled inside his coffee cup and three babies up in the lampshade laughing into their hooves hysterically.
The Book welcomed them back. By his count, there were another six hundred and ten giraffes loose in the room. This was going to take some time.
There was a knock at the door. Panic! The boss! He’d never allow these kind of shenanigans! Hurriedly, he looked around the room for any errant giraffe tongues sticking out from under furniture or giraffe horns poking up behind picture frames. He saw nothing.
He opened the door a crack.
“Hello, boss.” He said.
“Hello, Wetpetal. I trust everything is going to plan?” said The Boss.
“Oh very much so, sir. Wintermittently. Couldn’t be butter.” He said.
“Well, then, that’s just lovely. Dinner at 9?” asked the boss.
“Yes sir. I will totally be there. No fear. See you then.” he said, and rudely closed the door. There would be words at dinner. He didn’t care. He needed to take care of this.
He rolled up his sleeves and pulled out the giraffe net.
“Aright you little bastards.” He said. “Game on.”
From around the corners of the room came stifled, whinnying, long-necked chuckles of many mischievous mammals more at home on the plains.
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He’d left it on for half an hour. That was twenty minutes past the safety margin. It was a scramble to get everything back under control.
He counted to kinderteen and recited the Flapper’s Mask Eulogy under his breath to calm himself down before getting to work. This disaster would add two workdays to the already frantic schedule. Fool of a smack-baby!
He turned the redeye on and made sure the pillowcases were stuffed. That door was only opening to people that knew the correct sign language, meaning no one except him was getting in or out until he reset the locks.
“Okay, giraffes. Ready or not, here I come.”
If there was one thing giraffes liked more than blueberry jam, it was hide and seek. Giraffes always astounded him with their ability to squeeze into dark, small places. There were like vermin. In the next four hours, he found six under the bed, one nestled inside his coffee cup and three babies up in the lampshade laughing into their hooves hysterically.
The Book welcomed them back. By his count, there were another six hundred and ten giraffes loose in the room. This was going to take some time.
There was a knock at the door. Panic! The boss! He’d never allow these kind of shenanigans! Hurriedly, he looked around the room for any errant giraffe tongues sticking out from under furniture or giraffe horns poking up behind picture frames. He saw nothing.
He opened the door a crack.
“Hello, boss.” He said.
“Hello, Wetpetal. I trust everything is going to plan?” said The Boss.
“Oh very much so, sir. Wintermittently. Couldn’t be butter.” He said.
“Well, then, that’s just lovely. Dinner at 9?” asked the boss.
“Yes sir. I will totally be there. No fear. See you then.” he said, and rudely closed the door. There would be words at dinner. He didn’t care. He needed to take care of this.
He rolled up his sleeves and pulled out the giraffe net.
“Aright you little bastards.” He said. “Game on.”
From around the corners of the room came stifled, whinnying, long-necked chuckles of many mischievous mammals more at home on the plains.
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