An important message from the President of G.R.U.D.G.E.
Happy New Year Evil Minions! And to those of you who survived their Holiday Bonuses, a Happy New Year to you too! (No hard feelings). Well, as we all witnessed, this was quite an exciting year for G.R.U.D.G.E., with both wild successes and regrettable defeats. We watched in delight as the economic destruction of Operation: Set Course straight for the Sun successfully tanked the global economies of dozens of industrialized nations. We cackled in glee as Project: Yaaaaar fooled the world into thinking the disappearance of a ship containing 200 million dollars worth of advance weaponry was the fault of Somali Pirates. We then rubbed our hands together in Mr. Burns-like evil anticipation as Kirk Cameron’s seemingly Conservative Christian film Fireproof became the most profitable film of the year! Congratulations Kirk, Operation: Fool all the people; All of the time couldn’t have worked without you!
The year saw its share of disappointments as well. The Archimedes 9000 Weather Control Satellite saw its orbit decay and it eventually fell to earth, leaving our plans for emboldening the Global Warming deniers on hold for a while. (Although on the bright side, the fact that it landed in the mountains of the Afghanistan/ Pakistan border means the US military will never find it). Also, despite our best efforts at infiltration of the jury, OJ Simpson was found guilty, thus temporarily restoring people’s faith in the judicial system. (Again, looking on the bright side, the flood of Presidential pardons we are anticipating before George Bush leaves office, should more than offset that).
Looking ahead I see a bright and evil future for G.R.U.D.G.E and each and every one of you will be a part of it! From the scientists of the Corpse Re-Animation Department to the sweat shops of the Mis-Labeling Woman’s Pant’s Sizes So That They Feel Fat Department, from Covert Assassinations to Jonas Brothers Productions, you will all take part in guiding G.R.U.D.G.E.’s dark and shadowy hand as it pulls the strings behind the scenes. Working together, you will all be an integral part of helping to make the world a shittier place to live.
~your Glorious Leader
The year saw its share of disappointments as well. The Archimedes 9000 Weather Control Satellite saw its orbit decay and it eventually fell to earth, leaving our plans for emboldening the Global Warming deniers on hold for a while. (Although on the bright side, the fact that it landed in the mountains of the Afghanistan/ Pakistan border means the US military will never find it). Also, despite our best efforts at infiltration of the jury, OJ Simpson was found guilty, thus temporarily restoring people’s faith in the judicial system. (Again, looking on the bright side, the flood of Presidential pardons we are anticipating before George Bush leaves office, should more than offset that).
Looking ahead I see a bright and evil future for G.R.U.D.G.E and each and every one of you will be a part of it! From the scientists of the Corpse Re-Animation Department to the sweat shops of the Mis-Labeling Woman’s Pant’s Sizes So That They Feel Fat Department, from Covert Assassinations to Jonas Brothers Productions, you will all take part in guiding G.R.U.D.G.E.’s dark and shadowy hand as it pulls the strings behind the scenes. Working together, you will all be an integral part of helping to make the world a shittier place to live.
~your Glorious Leader