(no subject)
As always the schematic of life will be thrown across many different emotions and situations - some of which we can create ourselves, and some of which are brought to us through forces to this day unknown. Much speculation has been put forth to find our the sources of these forces, but to much dismay, not many have found all to much truth in what they might have believed to have found. Open the mind to the possibilities that lie ahead is where my mindset is at the current moment in my life. Much has happened in the past year that has been once again an intense look into the reality of living on Earth at this present time in "2006". From this I can only pray that I will grow in whatever areas necessary for my life to be continuing down the path given to me by the Universe.
I feel very vulnerable to outside forces right now tugging me into different directions and places. I'm working at an incredible nonconstructive bar/club downtown, known as Cowgirls, Inc. I, along with many others in my life, would have never though I would be working at such a place so opposite of my beliefs. At the same time, the pay there is better than anywhere else I could be working at at this moment. An interesting twist of fate within the working field.
Heather and I have been going through quite an intense phase of figuring out where we are at with each other, as she has been heavily thinking about moving to L.A. in pursuit of following her path of a fire dancer. I for one in completely supportive of her in this matter, because I feel she has what it takes, and knows what she is in that sense. At the same time, I am not ready to move down to California, as I do not feel as called there for various reasons. I feel like we're working away from each other in fear of the future, and it does not feel as though we're connected on the same page as we once were anymore, which to me is quite strange and uncomfortable. I know she feels this too. We have such a strong love for each other, but the fear of the future has been eating away at it - which to me is extremely odd because of where we both are normally at regarding past, present, and future. I will continue to show her my love and support, and only the moments that lie ahead will decide the fate of our relationship...which is hard to put down into words.
Other thoughts of the future have been swimming around inside of my brainwaves lately...thoughts of what I will be doing in exchange for monetary units, and how I will get to this place continually are played out within my thought process. I feel as though I can continue to work through what I have been doing and see what comes of it. Heather pointed out the other day that I do need to start formulating some sort of plan so that this idea I have in my head will actually lay itself on my plate. This I could not agree with more. One aspect I have gained heavily from not smoking pot anymore (almost one year in a few months) is not being so lazy with my time. I feel very thankful for this step in the right direction.
Life is full of twists and turns...curves, slides, doors, and perceptions. Staying true and honest to my heart is what will be important for life.
I feel very vulnerable to outside forces right now tugging me into different directions and places. I'm working at an incredible nonconstructive bar/club downtown, known as Cowgirls, Inc. I, along with many others in my life, would have never though I would be working at such a place so opposite of my beliefs. At the same time, the pay there is better than anywhere else I could be working at at this moment. An interesting twist of fate within the working field.
Heather and I have been going through quite an intense phase of figuring out where we are at with each other, as she has been heavily thinking about moving to L.A. in pursuit of following her path of a fire dancer. I for one in completely supportive of her in this matter, because I feel she has what it takes, and knows what she is in that sense. At the same time, I am not ready to move down to California, as I do not feel as called there for various reasons. I feel like we're working away from each other in fear of the future, and it does not feel as though we're connected on the same page as we once were anymore, which to me is quite strange and uncomfortable. I know she feels this too. We have such a strong love for each other, but the fear of the future has been eating away at it - which to me is extremely odd because of where we both are normally at regarding past, present, and future. I will continue to show her my love and support, and only the moments that lie ahead will decide the fate of our relationship...which is hard to put down into words.
Other thoughts of the future have been swimming around inside of my brainwaves lately...thoughts of what I will be doing in exchange for monetary units, and how I will get to this place continually are played out within my thought process. I feel as though I can continue to work through what I have been doing and see what comes of it. Heather pointed out the other day that I do need to start formulating some sort of plan so that this idea I have in my head will actually lay itself on my plate. This I could not agree with more. One aspect I have gained heavily from not smoking pot anymore (almost one year in a few months) is not being so lazy with my time. I feel very thankful for this step in the right direction.
Life is full of twists and turns...curves, slides, doors, and perceptions. Staying true and honest to my heart is what will be important for life.