I love it when my hair smells like red wine vinegar
I just got out of the shower and I'm going no-poo (well, mostly, I had to use some when I dyed my hair over the weekend..and I'm sure the hair dye itself is also not so great for my scalp haha), so I'm using it as conditioner.
other than my personal hygiene routine, in the past few days I've essentially gone to school and hung out at lola's some more. my brain's still being a little tough on me. part of that is due to some body chemistry issues.
see, there's this thing that runs through my family (mom has it, aunt has it, grandmother had it), where our hormonal output is a little...irregular. it's a little embarrassing to write about on the internet, but whatever, it's a part of how I work and most people who know me are aware already. rather than staying fairly steady with predictable swells and drops every once in a while, these emotionally charged little molecules surge forth into our blood streams in large quantities at random intervals. thusfar I've been on yaz to regulate said surges, but about two months ago it wasn't working quite as well...I still fell into the occasional, inexplicable mood for a few days at a time.
so I switched. unfortunately, right after I switched was when all the drama went down. so what I thought was reasonable panic and upset was also being fueled by my malfunctioning system.
I realized this just the other day, when the other day, far removed from any traumatic event, I slipped into a very intense and completely arbitrary melancholy. and the problem is, when my mind does that, it latches onto the most recent traumatic event in my life and tries to twist itself into a knot around that in desperation for some sort of reason for its existence. luckily I just fed myself a big spoonful of rationality and relaxed for a while, but it still fucked with my afternoon.
so now I'm switching back to yaz, because even though it's not perfect, it was sure as hell a lot better on me than the shit I'm taking now. yet another step on my way to feeling 100% ass-kicking awesome again. teaching myself not to dwell on things is going to take a little while, I've accepted that now, but I'm feeling a lot more calm and patient than I have in the past few days.
so I'd say I'm overall feeling pretty pleasant right now. listening to some angry music, about to indulge myself in some criminal minds because I almost never watch television.
other than my personal hygiene routine, in the past few days I've essentially gone to school and hung out at lola's some more. my brain's still being a little tough on me. part of that is due to some body chemistry issues.
see, there's this thing that runs through my family (mom has it, aunt has it, grandmother had it), where our hormonal output is a little...irregular. it's a little embarrassing to write about on the internet, but whatever, it's a part of how I work and most people who know me are aware already. rather than staying fairly steady with predictable swells and drops every once in a while, these emotionally charged little molecules surge forth into our blood streams in large quantities at random intervals. thusfar I've been on yaz to regulate said surges, but about two months ago it wasn't working quite as well...I still fell into the occasional, inexplicable mood for a few days at a time.
so I switched. unfortunately, right after I switched was when all the drama went down. so what I thought was reasonable panic and upset was also being fueled by my malfunctioning system.
I realized this just the other day, when the other day, far removed from any traumatic event, I slipped into a very intense and completely arbitrary melancholy. and the problem is, when my mind does that, it latches onto the most recent traumatic event in my life and tries to twist itself into a knot around that in desperation for some sort of reason for its existence. luckily I just fed myself a big spoonful of rationality and relaxed for a while, but it still fucked with my afternoon.
so now I'm switching back to yaz, because even though it's not perfect, it was sure as hell a lot better on me than the shit I'm taking now. yet another step on my way to feeling 100% ass-kicking awesome again. teaching myself not to dwell on things is going to take a little while, I've accepted that now, but I'm feeling a lot more calm and patient than I have in the past few days.
so I'd say I'm overall feeling pretty pleasant right now. listening to some angry music, about to indulge myself in some criminal minds because I almost never watch television.