[fanfic] [Ranma 1/2] Neko-Philia
In this story, dialogue enclosed by [] is in Chinese.
NEKO-PHILIA
by Scott K. Jamison
(Note: Ranma 1/2 and its characters created by Rumiko Takahashi, no
infringement intended.)
A fine drizzle had set in over Nerima, and showed no signs of
letting up. A rather bedraggled-looking purplish cat shrugged, and
dashed from cover to cover in the alley behind the Nekohanten. There was
a pet door there, equipped with a latch no ordinary cat could work. This
cat could.
Once inside the restaurant, it shook itself, but decided not to
groom. Instead it trotted to the bathroom, got in the shower, and hit
the special button at floor level.
The burst of hot water restored Shampoo to her natural human
form. She sighed as she surveyed herself in the mirror. Scratches,
cuts, abrasions...and her hair was a mess! At least this way she didn't
have to use her tongue to fix it.
"That no go good," she admitted in her broken Japanese. Another
perfectly good plan to snare Ranma, spoiled by the interference of her
rivals and by Ranma's inability to admit he loved her best.
Then again, she thought, how do I know Ranma loves me best? He
treats us all about the same, except Akane, who's he's pretty mean to.
Stupid violent girl. I need to come up with a new approach, something
the other fiancees can't match. My strengths are...
I'm strongest. But Akane's pretty strong too, and it doesn't seem
to impress him.
I can cook good. But so can Ukyou, and Kodachi isn't half bad.
I'm the best fighter. But all of us can fight, more or less.
Besides, if Ranma judged by that, he would have claimed me when we first met.
I'm good-looking! But so are all the others, even Akane, though
I'm certainly never going to tell her so.
I can't go home a failure! I can't! The penalty for the first
failure is retraining at Jyuusenkyo...the penalty for a second
failure...brrr. Maybe I should tell Ranma, see if his pity would move him...
No, he (and just about all other outsiders) consider Joketsuzoku
customs some kind of joke, and me an idiot for following them. Sometimes
I wish I could just throw them over, but if I'm not an Amazon, then who
am I?
She finished combing out her hair and started to put it back in
her favorite style, when she remembered. I do do one thing none of the
other fiancees can do. I turn into a cat! I wonder, did
Great-Grandmother aim me into that pool deliberately? A cat's body comes
in so useful! Spying, climbing, getting into small places. And I don't
have to worry about getting eaten like poor Ryouga.
Unfortunately, it's exactly the wrong form for attracting Ranma.
His stupid father's training left him with a colossal case of--what's
that word?--ailurophobia, that's it. It's handy to be able to scare my
future husband once in a while, it really doesn't make him like me any more.
But...if Ranma wasn't afraid of cats any more, then he could see
my cursed form as the asset it is, and he'd probably like me better. But
how am I going to arrange that?
Shampoo found a note from Cologne in the kitchen. The older
woman had village business to attend to, and would be gone for the next
two days. Mousse had not returned yet; perhaps he was waiting for the
rain to die down. At any rate she had the place to herself for a while.
Time to consult Great-Grandmother's book of home remedies.
Shampoo pulled the box of scrolls out from its usual resting place. Cure
scabies, repel moths from clothing, summon kaiju...One outside innovation
I'm definitely going to introduce when I'm in charge is the index!
Two-thirds of the way through the box, she found "Phobias: How to Cause
and Cure."
Shampoo squinted at the complex ideographs. Wish I'd paid more
attention in school...
It took two weeks to gather the necessary ingredients, longer
than usual because she wasn't telling Cologne about it.
Great-Grandmother had returned from her trip in a foul mood, and Shampoo
decided it was best not to spring another plan on her yet. Also, she had
to take frequent breaks to prevent one of her rivals from gaining the
upper hand in the Ranma stakes. Another week was taken in preparing the
potion. The most difficult part there was concealing the process from
Mousse. He'd developed a keen sense of smell. Not good enough for him
to get around, but it was hard to hide unusual scents from him. And he
would certainly interfere if he could.
The resulting mixture tasted a bit strong, but Shampoo was of the
firm belief that there was no such thing as a too-strong potion, and
besides, she'd become expert at disguising the taste of drugs.
Next problem: the delivery method. She knew from experience
that if she tried cornering Ranma alone and forcing it down his throat,
he'd assume she was trying to drug him. Which she was, actually, but it
was for his own good. If she tried serving it to him at a meal, either
everyone at the dojo would insist on sharing it, or one of her rivals
would assume drugs and intercept it. But there was only enough potion
for one dose, so she couldn't put it in a meal to serve everyone.
Blowdart? No, the required dose was too large. Injection? No,
needles were too fragile, and a hypo would be way too obvious. Wait a
minute...Needles. Hollow. Chopsticks!
It took another two days of trial and error to get the trick
chopsticks just right. Then a full day of cooking, and at last she was
ready!
[Where are you off to, Great-Granddaughter?] asked Cologne.
[Off to show Ranma who's the best cook--and the most thoughtful
wife!] replied Shampoo.
[That's the spirit, my girl! But isn't that an awful lot of food
for even him?]
[Oh, I let the others eat too. But only my future husband gets
the special treatment.]
Mousse popped up. [Special treatment? When will you ever learn?]
Shampoo swatted him and hopped on her bicycle.
By happy chance, she'd picked a night when Akane had cooked
supper. Ranma was wearing what Shampoo guessed had been supposed to be
rice curry on his head. His short-haired fiancee must have been in a
good mood. That was about to change.
"Nihao, Ranma! Shampoo bring real food!"
"What is it this time? Love potion, hallucinogens, mind control
serum, hm?"
"No! Food for everyone, even violent bad-cooking girl. Eat
up!" Shampoo unpacked the dinner, serving Mr. Tendou first. Ranma was
so busy switching his plate with his father's he didn't notice Shampoo
palming the chopsticks and replacing them with the special pair.
Still, they seemed suspicious, so she took a bit of food from
Ranma's plate, and chewed it herself. "See? Shampoo no poison food."
The families dug in, except for Akane. Shampoo understood. I'd
be jealous too if someone were so much better a cook than me. She forced
herself not to stare at Ranma. Must give the potion enough time to work,
she thought.
"Yum! Good meal, Shampoo!" said Ranma.
"You could have had my perfectly good one, but no, you wouldn't
even taste it!"
"Neither would anyone else! Why do you always pick on *me* about
this?"
"Because you're her fiancee, Ranma!" shouted Soun, on the verge
of tears.
Shampoo knew where this was going, so she cut it short by pulling
a package out of her pocket.
"Have surprise for groom!"
"Another one of those works-once Nannichuan gimmicks? No way
you're getting a date with me for that again!"
"No, silly Ranma, Shampoo give you this!" She ripped off the
paper to reveal a small porcelain figurine in the shape of "beckoning cat".
"It's magic, right? What's it supposed to do?"
"It no magic! Just doll! [Sheesh!]
Nabiki, ever the observant one, said "It's a cat Ranma.
Considering your phobia makes you nervous of even pictures of cats,
you're showing admirable restraint."
"Hmm, it *is* a cat." He picked it up. "Very nicely detailed,
too. Now just what are you up to, Shampoo?"
"Ranma not afraid? Not even little bit?"
"Nah. That is odd."
"Odd, Ranma, it's downright spooky! What have you done to him,
you witch?"
"Shampoo help husband, cure Ranma of weak point. Violent girl
never even try that, yes?"
Akane took a step back, shock written on her face. The Chinese
girl smiled like she'd eaten a canary.
"Shampoo thought not."
"Wait a minute. Cure me of my weak point? You're serious?"
Time for the acid test. Shampoo stooped, picked up a water glass
and doused herself with the contents. She felt herself shrinking, her
perspective twisting as her body folded down into her cat form. Out of
the corner of one eye, she saw Kasumi catch the falling glass. But her
main attention was on Ranma.
He was looking down at her, with just a bit of nervousness on his
face.
"Sh-shampoo?"
He knelt down, and looked carefully at her. Ranma reached out a
hand, slowly and cautiously.
Stand fast, Shampoo told herself. Don't spook him now.
Ranma touched her with a fingertip. Shampoo held her breath.
All the others in the room were doing the same. Ranma's hand flicked
back for just a moment, then he was laying his palm on her.
"Mew?" Everyone let out their breath.
"I'm ... not afraid. No fear! Akane, I'm not afraid of cats
anymore!" He leapt up and grabbed Akane's shoulders. "Isn't it wonderful?"
"I...I guess so. I'm happy for you, Ranma." She managed a
bittersweet smile.
"Yep, I'm pretty much invincible now. I think I'll juggle cats
in Kunou's face tomorrow, or better--"
"Meow!" interrupted Shampoo. This was her big moment after all.
"oh, Shampoo, right." He came back over to her. "Thanks. You
know, you're kind of cute as a cat." He reached out an arm and petted
her. Shampoo stretched and rubbed herself against his leg.
"Prrr." Ranma was ranting again how his new fearlessness would
allow him even greater triumphs, but he kept petting Shampoo and stroking
her fur. Soon, she'd managed to get into his lap. It was almost more
bliss than she could stand. At last Ranma was holding her, cuddling her,
without any shouting or pushing away.
TO BE CONTINUED...now!
NEKO-PHILIA
by Scott K. Jamison
(Note: Ranma 1/2 and its associated characters created by Rumiko
Takahashi. No infringement intended.)
Part Two
"Whoa, look at the time! Gotta get to bed!" Ranma stood up,
cradling Shampoo in his arms.
"What about Shampoo?" There was a note of anger in Akane's
voice, but then there usually was.
"It's too late to make her go all the way back to the
Nekohanten. She can sleep in my room tonight."
"WHAT? Ranma, are you out of your tiny mind?"
"Hey, you let P-chan sleep with you."
"He's a *pig*!"
"And Shampoo's a cat. Big diff."
Nabiki made a quick hundred yen by producing a bucket for Akane
to use. Shampoo was now being held by female Ranma.
"Uncute excessively violent tomboy..." he began.
"Perverted insensitive jerk..."she raised him.
"K-shew!" sneezed Shampoo. There was a draft in here!
"Oh, you're cold and wet! Let's take a nice hot bath before bed!"
A table collided with Ranma's head.
"Ow! What was that for?"
"If you have to ask, Ranma, you'll never know," quipped Nabiki,
palming her camera. Akane was too angry to speak, which was going some.
The tub was already full, so Ranma rinsed off and jumped right in
with Shampoo.
And jumped right back out when she turned human.
"Shampoo! Where'd you come from?" he asked, as he quickly
wrapped a towel around himself.
"Ranma bring Shampoo to tub, yes?"
Ranma looked away, which made his throwing a towel to her a
little clumsy. "Oh yeah. That slipped my mind for a moment."
"Shampoo glad Ranma want sleep with her. Wife should sleep with
husband." She got out of the tub and embraced him.
"I didn't mean it like that! Get off me, Shampoo!" He grabbed
the cold water sprayer and blasted her with it. Shampoo let go, out of
surprise, and because a cat's legs didn't reach that far.
"Miaow!"
"Hey, Shampoo, we don't want to make Akane any more jealous than
she already is, right? I mean, she may be uncute and violent, but I have
to live in the same house as her." He dried Shampoo off. "Time for bed."
Well, it's better than nothing, thought Shampoo. Every other
time I've slept in the same room with Ranma, it had to be by stealth, and
he's always reacted the wrong way.
Tonight, he folded up a blanket for her to rest on, and fell
asleep stroking her. She soon followed in slumber.
The next morning, the house was busy as usual, and try as she
might, Shampoo couldn't get to hot water. Finally, she walked straight
up to Kasumi and mewed loudly.
"Oh, I'll bet you're hungry. Here's some nice fresh milk."
Kasumi poured a bowl and set it on the floor. Not exactly what Shampoo
had had in mind, but she was hungry...
No sooner had she started to lap at it, than it was snatched away.
"Shoo, you horrid cat! This is P-chan's bowl!" Akane held it up
high.
"Akane, don't be mean. P-chan isn't here, and he's such a
gentleman I'm sure he wouldn't mind sharing his bowl. Besides, I'll wash
it before it gets used again."
"Oh, all right." Akane put down the bowl a little too hard,
slopping much of the milk over the sides. Shampoo licked up only the
remainder in the bowl. She had her pride, after all.
"Oh, there you are Shampoo!" said Ranma, scooping her up. "I
think there's enough room in my knapsack for you."
"What do you think you're doing?"
"Hey, I can't show people I'm not afraid of cats anymore without
a demonstration model, right?"
"Well, if you're in such a hurry to show off, let me help you!"
Akane kicked her fiancee several blocks in the direction of the school.
Fairly used to this sort of thing by now, Ranma hit the ground
running, Shampoo still in his arms. She sighed. What a man!
The other boys seemed suitably impressed by Ranma's new
fearlessness, including Gosunkugi, who crossed off several items in a
notebook with "Curses and Revenge Plans" on the cover. Kunou still had
to be physically defeated, of course, but Shampoo was glad to help.
Great-Grandmother will be so pleased! thought Shampoo. Oh, I
should let her know how I'm doing, she'll be worried about me. And I'm
*not* waiting around in this knapsack all day!
So she slipped out of where Ranma had hidden her for class, and
padded over to the girls' locker room. It seemed forever until someone
came in and turned on a shower. Shampoo dashed in, turned human, stole a
gym outfit, and ran back to the Nekohanten.
A few customers ogled her, as the t-shirt and shorts she'd
grabbed were a size too small, but Shampoo ignored them as always.
"Ah, Shampoo? How goes it, hmm?"
"Shampoo, I was so worried for you!"
[Shut up Mousse. Ranma let me sleep near him last night, and
took me to school with him this morning.]
"Aagh!"*SPLOOSH*"Quack! Quack!" cried Mousse.
[So, you have at last captured son-in-law's heart?]
[I'm still working on that, but I'm closer than ever before! I
just know it!]
[Very good. Now get changed. The customers are neglecting their
ramen.]
It was late afternoon when Shampoo remembered that she'd left her
bike at the Tendou's. Oh well, a good excuse to see Ranma again. She
left Rin Rin and Ran Ran in charge of deliveries and hurried off.
Her bicycle was parked where she had left it, but Ranma was
nowhere to be seen. Kasumi greeted Shampoo with her usual cheerfulness.
"I washed the dishes you brought last night and put them back in
your carrier. Would you like to take all of your clothes home, or shall
I keep a set for you just in case?"
"Ah...so...keep one. Shampoo maybe need."
As she packed the clean laundry away (she hadn't realized how
many outfits she'd left behind at the Dojo!) Ranma came running up.
"Nihao, Ranma!" She tried to hug him, but he held Shampoo at
arm's length.
"Don't *do* that."
"Shampoo loves Ranma. Want to make husband happy!"
"Shampoo, I'm not your husband! And besides, Akane was right
behind me. You know how she gets."
"Who care about stupid violent girl? Ranma not afraid anymore."
"Well, not of cats, anyways."
"Ranma! I thought you were going to study with me tonight for
that math test! But first, you have to pet every cat we meet on the way
home, and now you're fooling around with Shampoo again!"
"It's not like that, Akane, she jumped me, and--"
*SPLOOSH* and it was female Ranma and cat-Shampoo again.
"Ranma you jerk! And as for you, Shampoo..." Akane advanced
with a grim expression on her face.
"Don't you dare hurt this defenseless kitty!" Ranma said, hugging
Shampoo tightly. His breasts made it an interesting, if uncomfortable
feeling.
"Defenseless...kitty? Ranma, this is Shampoo we're talking
about. Shampoo, the human wrecking ball? Shampoo, who on numerous
occasions has tried to kill, drug or enslave you?"
"But she's a cat now! You wouldn't do any of those awful things
now, right, you cuddly-wuddly kitty?"
Shampoo shook her head.
"See, told you so! Let's study now!"
Akane silently mouthed "cuddly-wuddly?" and sighed. "Okay, but
any trouble and she's out on her ear."
It looked to Shampoo like Ranma really wanted to study hard this
time, so she refrained from disturbing him. Besides, just being held was
nice.
If anything, it was Akane who was too distracted to study,
waiting for her hated rival to strike. After an hour, she gave up and
Ranma went to his room with the cat.
He wanted to play "cat" games with her, so Shampoo let him. She
kind of wished he would go back to male though.
"You're my very special kitty-cat, aren't you? You won't run
away like Akane's P-chan always does, right? You're going to stay with
me forever and ever!"
"Meow." The sentiments were what Shampoo had always wanted to
hear from Ranma, but the wording was wrong. And he should be telling
this to her as a human. Shouldn't he?
There was a knock on the door, and Nabiki's voice came, "Are you
decent, Ranma?"
"She must want to sell me something," he told Shampoo.
"Sure," he called. "Come in."
The middle Tendou sister entered, eating an apple. She raised an
eyebrow at the transformed boy holding the transformed girl.
"Soo, does this mean you've definitely decided to marry Shampoo?"
"Don't be silly! I know Akane thinks I'm a pervert, but I'm not
so far gone I'd marry a cat! Even one as cute as Shampoo."
"I mean Shampoo the *girl*, Ranma."
"Oh, right. She can do that. Nah, I'm not going to marry
Shampoo. If I don't want to marry an uncute tomboy, I *sure* don't want
to be saddled with an Amazon."
Shampoo's heart sank. All my hard work, and Ranma still is
playing hard to get? She mewed piteously, and Ranma brought her close.
TO BE CONCLUDED...now!
NEKO-PHILIA
by Scott K. Jamison
(Standard Takahashi disclaimer.)
Part 3
Nabiki looked at Ranma with a very intent gaze.
"Are you aware of what you just said?"
"I'm not marrying Shampoo, isn't that what I said?"
"While holding her?"
"Oh man, did I really? I'm sorry, Shampoo, I wasn't thinking.
Forgive me?"
Shampoo mewed. That was better. Still, Ranma seemed a little
off, somehow.
Nabiki took a deep breath. "Anyways, I thought you might be in
the market for some pictures." She spread out a selection of snapshots
of Shampoo, some quite risque. Shampoo was surprised by those; not that
she had much body modesty, but she didn't remember Nabiki being around to
take them.
"Hmm...these two."
"400 yen, please."
"But that's all I--done."
Both shots were of Shampoo in cat form, and actually showed
Nabiki's photography skills better than some of the skin shots, which had
had to be taken on the wing. Ranma taped them up on a wall, next to one
of Akane sticking out her tongue and another of the whole gang (except
Nabiki) on one of their jaunts.
"What shall we do now, Shampoo? I know, let's make you a bed!"
An hour later, a cardboard box, some old rags, a ball of Kasumi's
yarn and some squeaky toys had been turned into a comfortable-looking
nest, with "Shampoo" crudely lettered on the side.
"Maybe we should get you a litter box tomorrow, too."
This is getting out of hand, decided Shampoo. I'm not going to
stay in cat form forever, you know.
Genma entered. "Bath's open, boy." with just a bit of emphasis
on the word boy.
"Thanks, Pops. Oh no, Shampoo, you stay right here. We don't
want any of that nasty hot water getting on you." Great, *now* he
remembers!
Ranma's father put the back of his hand on the transformed boy's
forehead. "Are you feeling all right?"
"Sure, Pops. Geez, adopt one little pet, and everyone starts
acting like you're nuts."
Pet? That's how he thinks of me? Shampoo growled.
She tried to get to the bath, but Ranma was too fast for her. He
emerged in male form, scooped her up again, and said, "Time for us to get
some shut-eye. Try out your new bed."
He was soon fast asleep, and she hopped out of the box to curl up
next to him. Ranma soon had an arm over her, and then embraced the cat.
His hug was tight enough to make breathing difficult. Shampoo
had to struggle around until she found a comfortable position. So she
was still awake when Ranma began to dream.
"Shampoo is so cute..." he murmured.
Now this is more like it!
"I love cats...maybe Akane...cuter as a cat?...Don't want...get
married...have my cats...Here, Akane, Shampoo, Ukyou...."
Great. Even in his dreams, he can't make up his mind.
"All such pretty kitties...Forever and ever..." his voice faded
off as he went deeper into sleep.
Shampoo finally drifted off herself. In her dreams, she was
stuck in cat form, and had to compete with dozens of other cats,
including one with short black fur, and a brown-furred one with a spatula
tied to its back, for Ranma's attention. They each only got a moment's
petting, and then it was on to the next cat and the next and on and on...
Shampoo awoke with a yowl. That isn't the future I want at all!
I've got to get out of here! She slipped away from the still fast-asleep
Ranma, and pushed the door (fortunately already cracked) open. But all
the doors and windows to the outside were firmly shut, and in cat form,
she didn't have the strength to burst through walls.
Only one other bedroom door wasn't quite closed, so she could
squeeze in. Oh, terrific. Akane's room. Well, any port in a storm.
Shampoo jumped up on her rival's bed. Hard to believe this
peaceful sleeper was such a volcano when awake. And she was going to
rouse the volcano. She jumped up and down on Akane's chest a few times.
"Shn-grk! P-chan...izzat you? Shampoo! Grr!" Akane sat up,
throwing the cat back, and grabbed her shinai.
Shampoo put a paw to her mouth and hissed for quiet.
"What are you doing here? I thought you'd moved in with that no
good, perverted, insensitive--"
"Mew. Meow miaow meow."
"Why am I asking a cat anything? You can't talk. Actually, I
like you better that way."
"Fsst! Meow! Mew!" Shampoo made tilting motions with her
forepaws, trying to convey a kettle being poured.
"You want to wrestle? Fine! I'll bet you aren't nearly as
strong at that size!"
"Mew!" Shampoo scratched the bedpost.
"Why you destructive little..." Akane looked at the scratches,
three wavy lines, like water..."You want hot water!" She got out of bed
and led the way to the kitchen.
"I'm surprised you're trusting me with this. Ranma always says I
can't even boil water." Fortunately, it didn't require actual boiling to
make the water hot enough, and Shampoo stood up in all her human glory.
[Thankyou thankyou thankyou!]
"Slow down, Shampoo. I can't understand you."
"Shampoo thank Akane. Must go!" She pulled open the door and
ran out. She paused at her bicycle only long enough to pull on a pair of
trousers from the clothing bundle, then hopped on and pedaled for dear life.
In the pre-dawn light, the newspaper boy got a glimpse of topless
cyclist, though it was blurry enough that he couldn't be absolutely sure.
Shampoo crashed through the wall of the Nekohanten, waking
Mousse. His weapons came snaking towards her, and she barely evaded them.
"Halt, intruder! Show yourself, or--"
[Mousse, you idiot! It's me!]
[Oh, Shampoo, you've returned! Did that beast Saotome injure
you?] He flipped on his glasses. [Whoa mama!]
Shampoo sucker-punched him. [Great-Grandmother, are you up?]
[Yes, dear, though I could have done with a bit more beauty
sleep. Oh my, you didn't chicken out halfway through, did you?] asked
Cologne, as she noted Shampoo's state of undress.
[Not exactly. Ranma wants me now, but not the right way.]
Shampoo described what she'd done, and the apparent consequences.
[Hmm, well, an "A" for initiative and ingeniousness. But you
didn't read the next scroll, did you?]
[Next scroll? It didn't say "to be continued" or anything. I
swear, indexes on all our books, first thing!]
[Yes, well, the next scroll explains that the anti-phobia potion
starts out by merely cancelling the fear, then slowly increases in
strength over the next 48 hours, replacing the phobia with a philia, an
affection rather than a fear. From what you've described, the potion was
too strong to begin with, so it's been acting faster and more powerfully,
creating the mental block and personality shifts.]
[But after 48 hours, it wears off?]
[No, after that time, the effects become irreversible. And
judging by how strong you made the potion, the groom will become totally
obsessed by cats, especially your cursed form since he imprinted on it,
to the exclusion of all else, including sex and food.]
[That's not good, is it?]
[From our perspective, no, although he'll be deleriously happy
right up until he starves to death, provided there's a cat in the vicinity.]
[*gulp* So I should give him the antidote right away, huh?]
[There is no antidote.]
[But--]
[The effect can be reversed by--]
#CRASH# Another hole opened in the wall. It was Ranma, and he
looked...crazed.
"Where is my Shampoo?"
Mousse staggered back to his feet.
"You shall not have her!"
"Out of my way, duck-boy." Ranma gave a casual wave of his hand,
and Mousse's robes exploded into confetti.
The cat-fist! But Ranma can only access it when his fear of
cats drives him berserk. For him to use it consciously...
"Eagle's Claw!" The concealed blades in Mousse's sandals popped
out as he dive-kicked Ranma. The pig-tailed boy snatched his attacker by
an ankle and smashed him into a support beam. he hadn't even looked at
Mousse.
[Uh oh.]
"I want Shampoo!"
"Here Shampoo, Ranma. Husband happy now?"
"Not you, stupid girl! I want *my* Shampoo! My pretty
kitty-cat! Give her to me!" He shook her violently.
"Aiyah! Hurt Shampoo! Let go!"
[He's too far gone! The mental block keeps him from realizing
the connection! There's only one chance! Give him what he wants.]
[Say what?]
[Transform! Quickly!]
"Where is my Shampoo? Tell me or I'll--" Ranma was glowing, and dust
motes in a meter radius of him ceased to exist. A buildup of ki like that
could be very dangerous.
"Shampoo, ah, here soon. Ranma let go, she come."
Ranma let go.
Shampoo leapt for the fire bucket and upended it. Ranma pounced
on her, making her feel more like a mouse than a cat.
"Oh, Shampoo, I missed you so much! I'm never going to let you
go again. I'm going to hug and cuddle and love you forever and ever!"
"Mew!" Save me, Great-grandmother! My ribs are cracking!
"And I saw this boutique on the way with the cutest cat wallpaper
for our room and..."
[Now, Shampoo, you must attack!]
"Miaou?"
[Strike with fang and claw! Draw blood!]
But I can't hurt Ranma. I love him...
"And then I'll buy those cat pajamas and..."
[He'll die if you don't! Attack!]
"Now if I can just convince Akane to take a dip in the Nekoniichaun..."
Forgive me, husband, she thought, as she bit his nose, then
clawed his arm.
"Ow! What'd you do that for?"
Shampoo leapt and scratched his neck. Ranma slapped a hand
there, and his palm was slick with blood.
"You...hurt me. You're..a...cat. Cats are...scary. Get away
from me! AAUUGH!" He turned and ran away.
Shampoo's eyes burned with unshed tears.
[Amazingly simple, really. The potion's power is strong, but
brittle. The effects can be reversed by reminding the patient exactly
why he was afraid in the first place. Provided of course you can do it
in time.] said Cologne as she poured the kettle.
[So we're right back where we started?]
[More or less. But I am very impressed by how far you got on
your own. A little more training, and we'll have that wedding yet! Now
see if you can revive Mousse. There are repairs to be done.]
A bit later, Shampoo sat by the restaurant window, feeling blue.
Ranma ran by, pursued by opponents.
"Hey, Saotome, check out my cat-apult!"
"Want to go sailing in my new boat? It's a cat-amaran!"
"Yaagh!"
"I think he's gone cat-atonic! Hahaha!"
She tried to comfort herself. Obviously, the potion had messed
up Ranma's mind worse than I'd thought. How he thought of my cat
form must be how he thinks of my human form when he's normal. Well,
maybe not that fanatical. He just can't show it because Akane would beat
on him even worse. Yes, that has to be it.
The voices faded. Shampoo sighed.
"Excuse me, but can you direct me to the Tendou Dojo?"
Ryouga was standing in the doorway.
"Nihao, Ryouga. Come in, Shampoo bring ramen."
"But I have to get--"
"Ryouga and Shampoo have more in common than you think."
"um..."
She brought out food.
"Ryouga tired just being pet to Akane, yes? Shampoo maybe
have plan..."
THE END
Sorry, Shampoo fans, but it looks like she didn't get Ranma this
time either... Still, tomorrow is another day, and maybe another fanfic
will go her way. Also, my apologies to those of you who were really
hoping for a lemon :-)
Like many of my stories, this one started with the title, and
went from there. Some inspiration was drawn from "Cat's Cradle" by
Benares. This was an especially unusual story for me as I tried to make
it possible to have happened within the series as written...
C&C as always welcome!
SKJAM!
"Little did I realize that morning as I unlocked my post office box that
I would shortly by transported to the Takahashiverse, where I would
defeat Ranma in martial arts combat, bag all three Tendou sisters, and
gain godlike powers before supper..." from _Confessions of a Modest Otaku_
NEKO-PHILIA
by Scott K. Jamison
(Note: Ranma 1/2 and its characters created by Rumiko Takahashi, no
infringement intended.)
A fine drizzle had set in over Nerima, and showed no signs of
letting up. A rather bedraggled-looking purplish cat shrugged, and
dashed from cover to cover in the alley behind the Nekohanten. There was
a pet door there, equipped with a latch no ordinary cat could work. This
cat could.
Once inside the restaurant, it shook itself, but decided not to
groom. Instead it trotted to the bathroom, got in the shower, and hit
the special button at floor level.
The burst of hot water restored Shampoo to her natural human
form. She sighed as she surveyed herself in the mirror. Scratches,
cuts, abrasions...and her hair was a mess! At least this way she didn't
have to use her tongue to fix it.
"That no go good," she admitted in her broken Japanese. Another
perfectly good plan to snare Ranma, spoiled by the interference of her
rivals and by Ranma's inability to admit he loved her best.
Then again, she thought, how do I know Ranma loves me best? He
treats us all about the same, except Akane, who's he's pretty mean to.
Stupid violent girl. I need to come up with a new approach, something
the other fiancees can't match. My strengths are...
I'm strongest. But Akane's pretty strong too, and it doesn't seem
to impress him.
I can cook good. But so can Ukyou, and Kodachi isn't half bad.
I'm the best fighter. But all of us can fight, more or less.
Besides, if Ranma judged by that, he would have claimed me when we first met.
I'm good-looking! But so are all the others, even Akane, though
I'm certainly never going to tell her so.
I can't go home a failure! I can't! The penalty for the first
failure is retraining at Jyuusenkyo...the penalty for a second
failure...brrr. Maybe I should tell Ranma, see if his pity would move him...
No, he (and just about all other outsiders) consider Joketsuzoku
customs some kind of joke, and me an idiot for following them. Sometimes
I wish I could just throw them over, but if I'm not an Amazon, then who
am I?
She finished combing out her hair and started to put it back in
her favorite style, when she remembered. I do do one thing none of the
other fiancees can do. I turn into a cat! I wonder, did
Great-Grandmother aim me into that pool deliberately? A cat's body comes
in so useful! Spying, climbing, getting into small places. And I don't
have to worry about getting eaten like poor Ryouga.
Unfortunately, it's exactly the wrong form for attracting Ranma.
His stupid father's training left him with a colossal case of--what's
that word?--ailurophobia, that's it. It's handy to be able to scare my
future husband once in a while, it really doesn't make him like me any more.
But...if Ranma wasn't afraid of cats any more, then he could see
my cursed form as the asset it is, and he'd probably like me better. But
how am I going to arrange that?
Shampoo found a note from Cologne in the kitchen. The older
woman had village business to attend to, and would be gone for the next
two days. Mousse had not returned yet; perhaps he was waiting for the
rain to die down. At any rate she had the place to herself for a while.
Time to consult Great-Grandmother's book of home remedies.
Shampoo pulled the box of scrolls out from its usual resting place. Cure
scabies, repel moths from clothing, summon kaiju...One outside innovation
I'm definitely going to introduce when I'm in charge is the index!
Two-thirds of the way through the box, she found "Phobias: How to Cause
and Cure."
Shampoo squinted at the complex ideographs. Wish I'd paid more
attention in school...
It took two weeks to gather the necessary ingredients, longer
than usual because she wasn't telling Cologne about it.
Great-Grandmother had returned from her trip in a foul mood, and Shampoo
decided it was best not to spring another plan on her yet. Also, she had
to take frequent breaks to prevent one of her rivals from gaining the
upper hand in the Ranma stakes. Another week was taken in preparing the
potion. The most difficult part there was concealing the process from
Mousse. He'd developed a keen sense of smell. Not good enough for him
to get around, but it was hard to hide unusual scents from him. And he
would certainly interfere if he could.
The resulting mixture tasted a bit strong, but Shampoo was of the
firm belief that there was no such thing as a too-strong potion, and
besides, she'd become expert at disguising the taste of drugs.
Next problem: the delivery method. She knew from experience
that if she tried cornering Ranma alone and forcing it down his throat,
he'd assume she was trying to drug him. Which she was, actually, but it
was for his own good. If she tried serving it to him at a meal, either
everyone at the dojo would insist on sharing it, or one of her rivals
would assume drugs and intercept it. But there was only enough potion
for one dose, so she couldn't put it in a meal to serve everyone.
Blowdart? No, the required dose was too large. Injection? No,
needles were too fragile, and a hypo would be way too obvious. Wait a
minute...Needles. Hollow. Chopsticks!
It took another two days of trial and error to get the trick
chopsticks just right. Then a full day of cooking, and at last she was
ready!
[Where are you off to, Great-Granddaughter?] asked Cologne.
[Off to show Ranma who's the best cook--and the most thoughtful
wife!] replied Shampoo.
[That's the spirit, my girl! But isn't that an awful lot of food
for even him?]
[Oh, I let the others eat too. But only my future husband gets
the special treatment.]
Mousse popped up. [Special treatment? When will you ever learn?]
Shampoo swatted him and hopped on her bicycle.
By happy chance, she'd picked a night when Akane had cooked
supper. Ranma was wearing what Shampoo guessed had been supposed to be
rice curry on his head. His short-haired fiancee must have been in a
good mood. That was about to change.
"Nihao, Ranma! Shampoo bring real food!"
"What is it this time? Love potion, hallucinogens, mind control
serum, hm?"
"No! Food for everyone, even violent bad-cooking girl. Eat
up!" Shampoo unpacked the dinner, serving Mr. Tendou first. Ranma was
so busy switching his plate with his father's he didn't notice Shampoo
palming the chopsticks and replacing them with the special pair.
Still, they seemed suspicious, so she took a bit of food from
Ranma's plate, and chewed it herself. "See? Shampoo no poison food."
The families dug in, except for Akane. Shampoo understood. I'd
be jealous too if someone were so much better a cook than me. She forced
herself not to stare at Ranma. Must give the potion enough time to work,
she thought.
"Yum! Good meal, Shampoo!" said Ranma.
"You could have had my perfectly good one, but no, you wouldn't
even taste it!"
"Neither would anyone else! Why do you always pick on *me* about
this?"
"Because you're her fiancee, Ranma!" shouted Soun, on the verge
of tears.
Shampoo knew where this was going, so she cut it short by pulling
a package out of her pocket.
"Have surprise for groom!"
"Another one of those works-once Nannichuan gimmicks? No way
you're getting a date with me for that again!"
"No, silly Ranma, Shampoo give you this!" She ripped off the
paper to reveal a small porcelain figurine in the shape of "beckoning cat".
"It's magic, right? What's it supposed to do?"
"It no magic! Just doll! [Sheesh!]
Nabiki, ever the observant one, said "It's a cat Ranma.
Considering your phobia makes you nervous of even pictures of cats,
you're showing admirable restraint."
"Hmm, it *is* a cat." He picked it up. "Very nicely detailed,
too. Now just what are you up to, Shampoo?"
"Ranma not afraid? Not even little bit?"
"Nah. That is odd."
"Odd, Ranma, it's downright spooky! What have you done to him,
you witch?"
"Shampoo help husband, cure Ranma of weak point. Violent girl
never even try that, yes?"
Akane took a step back, shock written on her face. The Chinese
girl smiled like she'd eaten a canary.
"Shampoo thought not."
"Wait a minute. Cure me of my weak point? You're serious?"
Time for the acid test. Shampoo stooped, picked up a water glass
and doused herself with the contents. She felt herself shrinking, her
perspective twisting as her body folded down into her cat form. Out of
the corner of one eye, she saw Kasumi catch the falling glass. But her
main attention was on Ranma.
He was looking down at her, with just a bit of nervousness on his
face.
"Sh-shampoo?"
He knelt down, and looked carefully at her. Ranma reached out a
hand, slowly and cautiously.
Stand fast, Shampoo told herself. Don't spook him now.
Ranma touched her with a fingertip. Shampoo held her breath.
All the others in the room were doing the same. Ranma's hand flicked
back for just a moment, then he was laying his palm on her.
"Mew?" Everyone let out their breath.
"I'm ... not afraid. No fear! Akane, I'm not afraid of cats
anymore!" He leapt up and grabbed Akane's shoulders. "Isn't it wonderful?"
"I...I guess so. I'm happy for you, Ranma." She managed a
bittersweet smile.
"Yep, I'm pretty much invincible now. I think I'll juggle cats
in Kunou's face tomorrow, or better--"
"Meow!" interrupted Shampoo. This was her big moment after all.
"oh, Shampoo, right." He came back over to her. "Thanks. You
know, you're kind of cute as a cat." He reached out an arm and petted
her. Shampoo stretched and rubbed herself against his leg.
"Prrr." Ranma was ranting again how his new fearlessness would
allow him even greater triumphs, but he kept petting Shampoo and stroking
her fur. Soon, she'd managed to get into his lap. It was almost more
bliss than she could stand. At last Ranma was holding her, cuddling her,
without any shouting or pushing away.
TO BE CONTINUED...now!
NEKO-PHILIA
by Scott K. Jamison
(Note: Ranma 1/2 and its associated characters created by Rumiko
Takahashi. No infringement intended.)
Part Two
"Whoa, look at the time! Gotta get to bed!" Ranma stood up,
cradling Shampoo in his arms.
"What about Shampoo?" There was a note of anger in Akane's
voice, but then there usually was.
"It's too late to make her go all the way back to the
Nekohanten. She can sleep in my room tonight."
"WHAT? Ranma, are you out of your tiny mind?"
"Hey, you let P-chan sleep with you."
"He's a *pig*!"
"And Shampoo's a cat. Big diff."
Nabiki made a quick hundred yen by producing a bucket for Akane
to use. Shampoo was now being held by female Ranma.
"Uncute excessively violent tomboy..." he began.
"Perverted insensitive jerk..."she raised him.
"K-shew!" sneezed Shampoo. There was a draft in here!
"Oh, you're cold and wet! Let's take a nice hot bath before bed!"
A table collided with Ranma's head.
"Ow! What was that for?"
"If you have to ask, Ranma, you'll never know," quipped Nabiki,
palming her camera. Akane was too angry to speak, which was going some.
The tub was already full, so Ranma rinsed off and jumped right in
with Shampoo.
And jumped right back out when she turned human.
"Shampoo! Where'd you come from?" he asked, as he quickly
wrapped a towel around himself.
"Ranma bring Shampoo to tub, yes?"
Ranma looked away, which made his throwing a towel to her a
little clumsy. "Oh yeah. That slipped my mind for a moment."
"Shampoo glad Ranma want sleep with her. Wife should sleep with
husband." She got out of the tub and embraced him.
"I didn't mean it like that! Get off me, Shampoo!" He grabbed
the cold water sprayer and blasted her with it. Shampoo let go, out of
surprise, and because a cat's legs didn't reach that far.
"Miaow!"
"Hey, Shampoo, we don't want to make Akane any more jealous than
she already is, right? I mean, she may be uncute and violent, but I have
to live in the same house as her." He dried Shampoo off. "Time for bed."
Well, it's better than nothing, thought Shampoo. Every other
time I've slept in the same room with Ranma, it had to be by stealth, and
he's always reacted the wrong way.
Tonight, he folded up a blanket for her to rest on, and fell
asleep stroking her. She soon followed in slumber.
The next morning, the house was busy as usual, and try as she
might, Shampoo couldn't get to hot water. Finally, she walked straight
up to Kasumi and mewed loudly.
"Oh, I'll bet you're hungry. Here's some nice fresh milk."
Kasumi poured a bowl and set it on the floor. Not exactly what Shampoo
had had in mind, but she was hungry...
No sooner had she started to lap at it, than it was snatched away.
"Shoo, you horrid cat! This is P-chan's bowl!" Akane held it up
high.
"Akane, don't be mean. P-chan isn't here, and he's such a
gentleman I'm sure he wouldn't mind sharing his bowl. Besides, I'll wash
it before it gets used again."
"Oh, all right." Akane put down the bowl a little too hard,
slopping much of the milk over the sides. Shampoo licked up only the
remainder in the bowl. She had her pride, after all.
"Oh, there you are Shampoo!" said Ranma, scooping her up. "I
think there's enough room in my knapsack for you."
"What do you think you're doing?"
"Hey, I can't show people I'm not afraid of cats anymore without
a demonstration model, right?"
"Well, if you're in such a hurry to show off, let me help you!"
Akane kicked her fiancee several blocks in the direction of the school.
Fairly used to this sort of thing by now, Ranma hit the ground
running, Shampoo still in his arms. She sighed. What a man!
The other boys seemed suitably impressed by Ranma's new
fearlessness, including Gosunkugi, who crossed off several items in a
notebook with "Curses and Revenge Plans" on the cover. Kunou still had
to be physically defeated, of course, but Shampoo was glad to help.
Great-Grandmother will be so pleased! thought Shampoo. Oh, I
should let her know how I'm doing, she'll be worried about me. And I'm
*not* waiting around in this knapsack all day!
So she slipped out of where Ranma had hidden her for class, and
padded over to the girls' locker room. It seemed forever until someone
came in and turned on a shower. Shampoo dashed in, turned human, stole a
gym outfit, and ran back to the Nekohanten.
A few customers ogled her, as the t-shirt and shorts she'd
grabbed were a size too small, but Shampoo ignored them as always.
"Ah, Shampoo? How goes it, hmm?"
"Shampoo, I was so worried for you!"
[Shut up Mousse. Ranma let me sleep near him last night, and
took me to school with him this morning.]
"Aagh!"*SPLOOSH*"Quack! Quack!" cried Mousse.
[So, you have at last captured son-in-law's heart?]
[I'm still working on that, but I'm closer than ever before! I
just know it!]
[Very good. Now get changed. The customers are neglecting their
ramen.]
It was late afternoon when Shampoo remembered that she'd left her
bike at the Tendou's. Oh well, a good excuse to see Ranma again. She
left Rin Rin and Ran Ran in charge of deliveries and hurried off.
Her bicycle was parked where she had left it, but Ranma was
nowhere to be seen. Kasumi greeted Shampoo with her usual cheerfulness.
"I washed the dishes you brought last night and put them back in
your carrier. Would you like to take all of your clothes home, or shall
I keep a set for you just in case?"
"Ah...so...keep one. Shampoo maybe need."
As she packed the clean laundry away (she hadn't realized how
many outfits she'd left behind at the Dojo!) Ranma came running up.
"Nihao, Ranma!" She tried to hug him, but he held Shampoo at
arm's length.
"Don't *do* that."
"Shampoo loves Ranma. Want to make husband happy!"
"Shampoo, I'm not your husband! And besides, Akane was right
behind me. You know how she gets."
"Who care about stupid violent girl? Ranma not afraid anymore."
"Well, not of cats, anyways."
"Ranma! I thought you were going to study with me tonight for
that math test! But first, you have to pet every cat we meet on the way
home, and now you're fooling around with Shampoo again!"
"It's not like that, Akane, she jumped me, and--"
*SPLOOSH* and it was female Ranma and cat-Shampoo again.
"Ranma you jerk! And as for you, Shampoo..." Akane advanced
with a grim expression on her face.
"Don't you dare hurt this defenseless kitty!" Ranma said, hugging
Shampoo tightly. His breasts made it an interesting, if uncomfortable
feeling.
"Defenseless...kitty? Ranma, this is Shampoo we're talking
about. Shampoo, the human wrecking ball? Shampoo, who on numerous
occasions has tried to kill, drug or enslave you?"
"But she's a cat now! You wouldn't do any of those awful things
now, right, you cuddly-wuddly kitty?"
Shampoo shook her head.
"See, told you so! Let's study now!"
Akane silently mouthed "cuddly-wuddly?" and sighed. "Okay, but
any trouble and she's out on her ear."
It looked to Shampoo like Ranma really wanted to study hard this
time, so she refrained from disturbing him. Besides, just being held was
nice.
If anything, it was Akane who was too distracted to study,
waiting for her hated rival to strike. After an hour, she gave up and
Ranma went to his room with the cat.
He wanted to play "cat" games with her, so Shampoo let him. She
kind of wished he would go back to male though.
"You're my very special kitty-cat, aren't you? You won't run
away like Akane's P-chan always does, right? You're going to stay with
me forever and ever!"
"Meow." The sentiments were what Shampoo had always wanted to
hear from Ranma, but the wording was wrong. And he should be telling
this to her as a human. Shouldn't he?
There was a knock on the door, and Nabiki's voice came, "Are you
decent, Ranma?"
"She must want to sell me something," he told Shampoo.
"Sure," he called. "Come in."
The middle Tendou sister entered, eating an apple. She raised an
eyebrow at the transformed boy holding the transformed girl.
"Soo, does this mean you've definitely decided to marry Shampoo?"
"Don't be silly! I know Akane thinks I'm a pervert, but I'm not
so far gone I'd marry a cat! Even one as cute as Shampoo."
"I mean Shampoo the *girl*, Ranma."
"Oh, right. She can do that. Nah, I'm not going to marry
Shampoo. If I don't want to marry an uncute tomboy, I *sure* don't want
to be saddled with an Amazon."
Shampoo's heart sank. All my hard work, and Ranma still is
playing hard to get? She mewed piteously, and Ranma brought her close.
TO BE CONCLUDED...now!
NEKO-PHILIA
by Scott K. Jamison
(Standard Takahashi disclaimer.)
Part 3
Nabiki looked at Ranma with a very intent gaze.
"Are you aware of what you just said?"
"I'm not marrying Shampoo, isn't that what I said?"
"While holding her?"
"Oh man, did I really? I'm sorry, Shampoo, I wasn't thinking.
Forgive me?"
Shampoo mewed. That was better. Still, Ranma seemed a little
off, somehow.
Nabiki took a deep breath. "Anyways, I thought you might be in
the market for some pictures." She spread out a selection of snapshots
of Shampoo, some quite risque. Shampoo was surprised by those; not that
she had much body modesty, but she didn't remember Nabiki being around to
take them.
"Hmm...these two."
"400 yen, please."
"But that's all I--done."
Both shots were of Shampoo in cat form, and actually showed
Nabiki's photography skills better than some of the skin shots, which had
had to be taken on the wing. Ranma taped them up on a wall, next to one
of Akane sticking out her tongue and another of the whole gang (except
Nabiki) on one of their jaunts.
"What shall we do now, Shampoo? I know, let's make you a bed!"
An hour later, a cardboard box, some old rags, a ball of Kasumi's
yarn and some squeaky toys had been turned into a comfortable-looking
nest, with "Shampoo" crudely lettered on the side.
"Maybe we should get you a litter box tomorrow, too."
This is getting out of hand, decided Shampoo. I'm not going to
stay in cat form forever, you know.
Genma entered. "Bath's open, boy." with just a bit of emphasis
on the word boy.
"Thanks, Pops. Oh no, Shampoo, you stay right here. We don't
want any of that nasty hot water getting on you." Great, *now* he
remembers!
Ranma's father put the back of his hand on the transformed boy's
forehead. "Are you feeling all right?"
"Sure, Pops. Geez, adopt one little pet, and everyone starts
acting like you're nuts."
Pet? That's how he thinks of me? Shampoo growled.
She tried to get to the bath, but Ranma was too fast for her. He
emerged in male form, scooped her up again, and said, "Time for us to get
some shut-eye. Try out your new bed."
He was soon fast asleep, and she hopped out of the box to curl up
next to him. Ranma soon had an arm over her, and then embraced the cat.
His hug was tight enough to make breathing difficult. Shampoo
had to struggle around until she found a comfortable position. So she
was still awake when Ranma began to dream.
"Shampoo is so cute..." he murmured.
Now this is more like it!
"I love cats...maybe Akane...cuter as a cat?...Don't want...get
married...have my cats...Here, Akane, Shampoo, Ukyou...."
Great. Even in his dreams, he can't make up his mind.
"All such pretty kitties...Forever and ever..." his voice faded
off as he went deeper into sleep.
Shampoo finally drifted off herself. In her dreams, she was
stuck in cat form, and had to compete with dozens of other cats,
including one with short black fur, and a brown-furred one with a spatula
tied to its back, for Ranma's attention. They each only got a moment's
petting, and then it was on to the next cat and the next and on and on...
Shampoo awoke with a yowl. That isn't the future I want at all!
I've got to get out of here! She slipped away from the still fast-asleep
Ranma, and pushed the door (fortunately already cracked) open. But all
the doors and windows to the outside were firmly shut, and in cat form,
she didn't have the strength to burst through walls.
Only one other bedroom door wasn't quite closed, so she could
squeeze in. Oh, terrific. Akane's room. Well, any port in a storm.
Shampoo jumped up on her rival's bed. Hard to believe this
peaceful sleeper was such a volcano when awake. And she was going to
rouse the volcano. She jumped up and down on Akane's chest a few times.
"Shn-grk! P-chan...izzat you? Shampoo! Grr!" Akane sat up,
throwing the cat back, and grabbed her shinai.
Shampoo put a paw to her mouth and hissed for quiet.
"What are you doing here? I thought you'd moved in with that no
good, perverted, insensitive--"
"Mew. Meow miaow meow."
"Why am I asking a cat anything? You can't talk. Actually, I
like you better that way."
"Fsst! Meow! Mew!" Shampoo made tilting motions with her
forepaws, trying to convey a kettle being poured.
"You want to wrestle? Fine! I'll bet you aren't nearly as
strong at that size!"
"Mew!" Shampoo scratched the bedpost.
"Why you destructive little..." Akane looked at the scratches,
three wavy lines, like water..."You want hot water!" She got out of bed
and led the way to the kitchen.
"I'm surprised you're trusting me with this. Ranma always says I
can't even boil water." Fortunately, it didn't require actual boiling to
make the water hot enough, and Shampoo stood up in all her human glory.
[Thankyou thankyou thankyou!]
"Slow down, Shampoo. I can't understand you."
"Shampoo thank Akane. Must go!" She pulled open the door and
ran out. She paused at her bicycle only long enough to pull on a pair of
trousers from the clothing bundle, then hopped on and pedaled for dear life.
In the pre-dawn light, the newspaper boy got a glimpse of topless
cyclist, though it was blurry enough that he couldn't be absolutely sure.
Shampoo crashed through the wall of the Nekohanten, waking
Mousse. His weapons came snaking towards her, and she barely evaded them.
"Halt, intruder! Show yourself, or--"
[Mousse, you idiot! It's me!]
[Oh, Shampoo, you've returned! Did that beast Saotome injure
you?] He flipped on his glasses. [Whoa mama!]
Shampoo sucker-punched him. [Great-Grandmother, are you up?]
[Yes, dear, though I could have done with a bit more beauty
sleep. Oh my, you didn't chicken out halfway through, did you?] asked
Cologne, as she noted Shampoo's state of undress.
[Not exactly. Ranma wants me now, but not the right way.]
Shampoo described what she'd done, and the apparent consequences.
[Hmm, well, an "A" for initiative and ingeniousness. But you
didn't read the next scroll, did you?]
[Next scroll? It didn't say "to be continued" or anything. I
swear, indexes on all our books, first thing!]
[Yes, well, the next scroll explains that the anti-phobia potion
starts out by merely cancelling the fear, then slowly increases in
strength over the next 48 hours, replacing the phobia with a philia, an
affection rather than a fear. From what you've described, the potion was
too strong to begin with, so it's been acting faster and more powerfully,
creating the mental block and personality shifts.]
[But after 48 hours, it wears off?]
[No, after that time, the effects become irreversible. And
judging by how strong you made the potion, the groom will become totally
obsessed by cats, especially your cursed form since he imprinted on it,
to the exclusion of all else, including sex and food.]
[That's not good, is it?]
[From our perspective, no, although he'll be deleriously happy
right up until he starves to death, provided there's a cat in the vicinity.]
[*gulp* So I should give him the antidote right away, huh?]
[There is no antidote.]
[But--]
[The effect can be reversed by--]
#CRASH# Another hole opened in the wall. It was Ranma, and he
looked...crazed.
"Where is my Shampoo?"
Mousse staggered back to his feet.
"You shall not have her!"
"Out of my way, duck-boy." Ranma gave a casual wave of his hand,
and Mousse's robes exploded into confetti.
The cat-fist! But Ranma can only access it when his fear of
cats drives him berserk. For him to use it consciously...
"Eagle's Claw!" The concealed blades in Mousse's sandals popped
out as he dive-kicked Ranma. The pig-tailed boy snatched his attacker by
an ankle and smashed him into a support beam. he hadn't even looked at
Mousse.
[Uh oh.]
"I want Shampoo!"
"Here Shampoo, Ranma. Husband happy now?"
"Not you, stupid girl! I want *my* Shampoo! My pretty
kitty-cat! Give her to me!" He shook her violently.
"Aiyah! Hurt Shampoo! Let go!"
[He's too far gone! The mental block keeps him from realizing
the connection! There's only one chance! Give him what he wants.]
[Say what?]
[Transform! Quickly!]
"Where is my Shampoo? Tell me or I'll--" Ranma was glowing, and dust
motes in a meter radius of him ceased to exist. A buildup of ki like that
could be very dangerous.
"Shampoo, ah, here soon. Ranma let go, she come."
Ranma let go.
Shampoo leapt for the fire bucket and upended it. Ranma pounced
on her, making her feel more like a mouse than a cat.
"Oh, Shampoo, I missed you so much! I'm never going to let you
go again. I'm going to hug and cuddle and love you forever and ever!"
"Mew!" Save me, Great-grandmother! My ribs are cracking!
"And I saw this boutique on the way with the cutest cat wallpaper
for our room and..."
[Now, Shampoo, you must attack!]
"Miaou?"
[Strike with fang and claw! Draw blood!]
But I can't hurt Ranma. I love him...
"And then I'll buy those cat pajamas and..."
[He'll die if you don't! Attack!]
"Now if I can just convince Akane to take a dip in the Nekoniichaun..."
Forgive me, husband, she thought, as she bit his nose, then
clawed his arm.
"Ow! What'd you do that for?"
Shampoo leapt and scratched his neck. Ranma slapped a hand
there, and his palm was slick with blood.
"You...hurt me. You're..a...cat. Cats are...scary. Get away
from me! AAUUGH!" He turned and ran away.
Shampoo's eyes burned with unshed tears.
[Amazingly simple, really. The potion's power is strong, but
brittle. The effects can be reversed by reminding the patient exactly
why he was afraid in the first place. Provided of course you can do it
in time.] said Cologne as she poured the kettle.
[So we're right back where we started?]
[More or less. But I am very impressed by how far you got on
your own. A little more training, and we'll have that wedding yet! Now
see if you can revive Mousse. There are repairs to be done.]
A bit later, Shampoo sat by the restaurant window, feeling blue.
Ranma ran by, pursued by opponents.
"Hey, Saotome, check out my cat-apult!"
"Want to go sailing in my new boat? It's a cat-amaran!"
"Yaagh!"
"I think he's gone cat-atonic! Hahaha!"
She tried to comfort herself. Obviously, the potion had messed
up Ranma's mind worse than I'd thought. How he thought of my cat
form must be how he thinks of my human form when he's normal. Well,
maybe not that fanatical. He just can't show it because Akane would beat
on him even worse. Yes, that has to be it.
The voices faded. Shampoo sighed.
"Excuse me, but can you direct me to the Tendou Dojo?"
Ryouga was standing in the doorway.
"Nihao, Ryouga. Come in, Shampoo bring ramen."
"But I have to get--"
"Ryouga and Shampoo have more in common than you think."
"um..."
She brought out food.
"Ryouga tired just being pet to Akane, yes? Shampoo maybe
have plan..."
THE END
Sorry, Shampoo fans, but it looks like she didn't get Ranma this
time either... Still, tomorrow is another day, and maybe another fanfic
will go her way. Also, my apologies to those of you who were really
hoping for a lemon :-)
Like many of my stories, this one started with the title, and
went from there. Some inspiration was drawn from "Cat's Cradle" by
Benares. This was an especially unusual story for me as I tried to make
it possible to have happened within the series as written...
C&C as always welcome!
SKJAM!
"Little did I realize that morning as I unlocked my post office box that
I would shortly by transported to the Takahashiverse, where I would
defeat Ranma in martial arts combat, bag all three Tendou sisters, and
gain godlike powers before supper..." from _Confessions of a Modest Otaku_