rumination
What is it about Harry Potter that makes me revert temporarily to a 14-year-old girl? I think of all those summers spent as a teenager reading HP, tearing through the books. And when I wasn't tearing through the books in the summer, I was obsessing over the movies. You can be sure that it was summer when I started my Daniel Radcliffe fansite. There's something about the summer, the laziness of it at home, sitting in my air conditioned living room with a dog or two nearby, my brother watching TV, my mother always cooking something that smells so good. The distorted sense of time--everything stretched out and free. Conducive to obsessing, maybe. I don't know. Summer reminds me of obsessing which reminds me of summer at home which makes me nostalgic for obsessing. It's very complicated.
In any case, I find myself just wanting to let myself get totally caught up in it, the obsessive, crazy fandom. I think the goal of such an intense level of devotion is always to collect as much as possible: pictures, videos, articles and interviews. To have seen and read everything that exists on the object of your fixation. So obsessive fandom is exciting because it's like standing at the edge of an immense project ahead of you, knowing that every moment of it is going to be delicious and fun, knowing that you are going to unearth some really charming interviews, or pictures from some really sexy photo shoot (usually from a European magazine). Obsessive fandom is like standing at the brink of a wonderful abyss and jumping in, and swimming blissfully around in a neverending floating collection of minutiae, all of which you examine and collect. Time effectively stops. It could be hours or days or weeks or months before one emerges, blinking, unfamiliar with the way we feel and touch things in the real world, with much more disinterest, with much less sensitive and burning a touch. Your sensitivities are a little more raw in this state of obsession, at least when touched by anything concerning the thing/person you're obsessing over. You obsess over pictures that, in a normal state of mind, or to another person who isn't obsessed, would not be nearly as appealing as you think it is. You take in things like lights and shadows and lines. You become intimately familiar with certain quotes or interviews.
I sound like a crazy person, but honestly, this is like one of the happiest places for my mind to be.
Maybe that does make me crazy.
In any case, I find myself just wanting to let myself get totally caught up in it, the obsessive, crazy fandom. I think the goal of such an intense level of devotion is always to collect as much as possible: pictures, videos, articles and interviews. To have seen and read everything that exists on the object of your fixation. So obsessive fandom is exciting because it's like standing at the edge of an immense project ahead of you, knowing that every moment of it is going to be delicious and fun, knowing that you are going to unearth some really charming interviews, or pictures from some really sexy photo shoot (usually from a European magazine). Obsessive fandom is like standing at the brink of a wonderful abyss and jumping in, and swimming blissfully around in a neverending floating collection of minutiae, all of which you examine and collect. Time effectively stops. It could be hours or days or weeks or months before one emerges, blinking, unfamiliar with the way we feel and touch things in the real world, with much more disinterest, with much less sensitive and burning a touch. Your sensitivities are a little more raw in this state of obsession, at least when touched by anything concerning the thing/person you're obsessing over. You obsess over pictures that, in a normal state of mind, or to another person who isn't obsessed, would not be nearly as appealing as you think it is. You take in things like lights and shadows and lines. You become intimately familiar with certain quotes or interviews.
I sound like a crazy person, but honestly, this is like one of the happiest places for my mind to be.
Maybe that does make me crazy.