ILL NEVER LET THIS GO.. But now I feel like I dont know you.
Today is the greatest day Ive ever known...smashing pumpkins<3
did you ever KNOW that something was going to happen to you, and that when it did, it would just CRUSH you and destroy everything that you had struggled to rebuild?? well it happened to me today. and Im totally fine with it. I BARELY NOTICED. I endured the roughest 2years of my life and now, at the end of it all...
-I LOVE WHO I HAVE BEEN, HAVE BECOME,AND AM GOING TO BE.
-I KNOW WHAT I WANT IN LIFE AND WILL ALWAYS BE HAPPY.
-EVERYTHING DOES HAPPEN FOR A REASON, AND EVERYTHING THAT I HAVE EVER WANTED IS POSSIBLE.
I never felt such a strong connection to God as I do now. I am so thankful that I went to Mexico, I never realized how it would change my life at such a critical time. I see God around me in others and in the world and finally, i have some sort of idea what he wants from me and what i need to do.
Ive met such an incredible individual recently and I have no idea what to do about it. &for once, Im not talking about myself. I love who I am right now, I love the passion that bubbles up inside of me for humanity and for the world. I love who I am now that you are in my life. I don't know how to express this to you. I have been through SO much I couldn't possibly expect you to understand who I am or where I have come from or what I have endured, but I know that I love the way I feel around you, and I love how every night after I say my prayers your face is in my head.
I love that I have room to love myself AND care about you. Because usually I neglect myself. Im all about extremes, I either LOVE you, or you don't cross my mind. and I am so crazy about you. I love that for the first time in my life I respect someone and ACTUALLY feel that respect reciprocated. That is a wonderful feeling. I never met someone who believes in me the way that you do.
I love how you make me feel. You make it so that I can finally love myself. Sometimes things happen in life that break you down, I got broken down pretty severely. I was trying so hard to love myself and to love the world again and then you popped into my life and smiled at me and I officially knew that I DO love life and I AM worth something.
Somewhere in all the madness, I lost myself. I totally forgot who I am and I couldnt figure it out. I searched everywhere and couldnt find myself, I got restless and hopeless and started 2 fade away into the darkest place. I hardly tried anymore. Why should I? I felt worthless. It was a constant struggle to get out of the darkness. I realized that I could try to hide from everyone else but at the end of the day, you cant hide from God. I started to search for myself again and could only find bits and pieces. Things started getting better and better and SO MUCH BRIGHTER!!!!
one day I realized that I was HAPPY. and that's a good feeling when you haven't felt it in a while. and I KNOW WHO I AM. and im happy w who I am. Its great to be back.
and its great to have you in my life. I believed so many people who thought I was nobody, who thought I was worthless. Who thought that deceiving me & disrespecting me, breaking me down to a horrendous puddle of sadness was totally acceptable. but you helped me find myself again, and you helped me find happiness again. and I could never thank you enough for that. God Bless You.
Gosh, this has gotten way too long and way too emotional, but thats what happens when you dont sleep during exam week and get on livejournal to take a break from studying!! lmfao, goodnight world:)
