Bleeding from the inside out!!!
I dont know wat to do. There are sum "times" when I feel that I am in love with marc, and I am. Alwayz will be.But then, there r days that I feel I am not good enough for him. I dont know wats wrong with me I just feel so alone. I was gonna get with my friends thinking that would help when I realized that I need to be alone. I'll hang with my friends I love hanging with them. Its sad to say but Im most happy when I'm with them. I kinda wish it was the other way around. I love marc so much and cant imagine life without him, but y do I feel like im lower than dirt at times when Im with him?I dont know wat to do nemore. I was so frustrated with life today that I was thinking of picking up the knife again. I didnt, but found myself gazing at it. I was even thinking of o.d.ing. stupid i know but i need sumthing to help me feel better. Maybe Ill just take my moms anti depressants. I dont want marc to think I want to leave him, or that I dont love him cuz I do so much. Just thinking about him thinking that makes me cry. I want it to be perfect again. I want it to be how it was at christmas.