Ashes, Ashes. We. All. Fall. DOWN.....
There is so much shit going thru my head right now, I don't even know where to start off. I talked to Dale for 3 hours last night. I loved it. For the past month, I was starting to think I didn't matter to him anymore. But, last night, he reassured me that I did. He told me that I was the only person that he really enjoys talking to and the only one who could actually make him smile. That made me feel really good. But, there was one thing that bothered me. I told him about the cunt (Lori) asking me for his e-mail address. He gave me an email address of his to give to her so he could "set some shit str8" with her. I don't like that. At all; Because I know the type of person she is. I know the tricks she has up her sleeve. I told Dale what she had been saying about how "He was with [her] the whole time [we] were together" and that "He said he hated [me]" and "He didn't even know why he had ever started talking to [me]". Then, before he had the chance to argue her statement, I told him that I knew better and knew that he would never say he hated me, reguardless of what had happened.
So yeah. My friend Ashley called me today. I haven't talked to her in a little over a year. I've known her since I was 3 years old. Hard to believe, 15 years ago her and I were sitting in a sand box with a pail and a shovel, making sand castles. Time goes by so quickly and yet, it doesn't. It's like, you don't realize how slow the year has gone by untill you remember something that seems to have occured years ago when infact, it was only the previous summer. Blah, I don't know. I'm just so.. I don't know what I am right know. I don't know what I feel. I feel lost. Confused. Blank. The only feeling that I am highly aware of right now is my confusion- depression style. Everything seems to be bothering me. I don't know where my life is heading. I don't know which direction to take. I'm so tired of everything falling apart or never having anything go right. I know I'm only 18, but, I'm an "adult" now. There's so much I wanna do with my life, but, I can't. I wanna go to college, but, to do that, I have to get a job and be able to make a sufficent amount of money to pay tuition. That wouldn't be too hard, if, I had a job. But, I can't get a job because of the whole transportation deal. I have no way back and forth to work. If my mother, would get her car fixed, take me to get my permit, and let me drive her car, I would be okay. It is a law that you have to have a licensed driver in the car with you if you only have your permit. I would be taking a big risk by driving alone with just my permit, and if I were to get pulled over, My permit would be revoked. But, life is all about risks. You won't get anywhere if you're not willin' to risk anything. No one is 100% sure of everything all the time. In order to succeed in anything, you first must fail. I'm tired of failing. It's time to succeed. Time to feel proud. Time to make a difference in my world. Maybe I can't make a difference in other people. Maybe I can't make the world a better place. But, I can make a difference in myself and I can make my world a better place for myself. So, as long as I have that to hold on to and that to work for, I should be okay.
Leaving you with those words, I must flee.
So yeah. My friend Ashley called me today. I haven't talked to her in a little over a year. I've known her since I was 3 years old. Hard to believe, 15 years ago her and I were sitting in a sand box with a pail and a shovel, making sand castles. Time goes by so quickly and yet, it doesn't. It's like, you don't realize how slow the year has gone by untill you remember something that seems to have occured years ago when infact, it was only the previous summer. Blah, I don't know. I'm just so.. I don't know what I am right know. I don't know what I feel. I feel lost. Confused. Blank. The only feeling that I am highly aware of right now is my confusion- depression style. Everything seems to be bothering me. I don't know where my life is heading. I don't know which direction to take. I'm so tired of everything falling apart or never having anything go right. I know I'm only 18, but, I'm an "adult" now. There's so much I wanna do with my life, but, I can't. I wanna go to college, but, to do that, I have to get a job and be able to make a sufficent amount of money to pay tuition. That wouldn't be too hard, if, I had a job. But, I can't get a job because of the whole transportation deal. I have no way back and forth to work. If my mother, would get her car fixed, take me to get my permit, and let me drive her car, I would be okay. It is a law that you have to have a licensed driver in the car with you if you only have your permit. I would be taking a big risk by driving alone with just my permit, and if I were to get pulled over, My permit would be revoked. But, life is all about risks. You won't get anywhere if you're not willin' to risk anything. No one is 100% sure of everything all the time. In order to succeed in anything, you first must fail. I'm tired of failing. It's time to succeed. Time to feel proud. Time to make a difference in my world. Maybe I can't make a difference in other people. Maybe I can't make the world a better place. But, I can make a difference in myself and I can make my world a better place for myself. So, as long as I have that to hold on to and that to work for, I should be okay.
Leaving you with those words, I must flee.