I just had a disturbing and enlightening conversation with a friend about responsibility and infidelity. I know where she stands on this, and where I do, and I'm curious what a group's take will be.
That's exactly why I left the question so black and white. With the inclusion of the word necessarily, the answer must be either yes or no. If you believe that there are complex reasons why someone might do this, and that sometimes good people make bad choices, then the answer is no. If you believe that anyone who would make that choice is, without exception, irredeemably selfish and destructive, then the answer is yes. If you believe that good and bad are relative and each individual is a unique product of his or her environment and choices, then the answer is no.
This discussion came from the fact that my friend said that this is a line that one does not cross and that no one who crosses it is worthy of sympathy or understanding. I said that people are human and have their own reasons for their behavior, and that anyway, there are a lot of other ways that people get hurt, and get their hearts broken, and that those are terrible things too. When I pointed out that she once cheated on a boyfriend with the man she later married, she said it was different because they weren't married. I think it is the same because she broke a promise.
I can't figure out why this is bothering me so much, except that it disturbs me that my friend is so comfortable with condemning strangers on the basis of a single action without even trying to understand them.
Then again, I guess I have my own notions of uncrossable lines, too.
This discussion came from the fact that my friend said that this is a line that one does not cross and that no one who crosses it is worthy of sympathy or understanding. I said that people are human and have their own reasons for their behavior, and that anyway, there are a lot of other ways that people get hurt, and get their hearts broken, and that those are terrible things too. When I pointed out that she once cheated on a boyfriend with the man she later married, she said it was different because they weren't married. I think it is the same because she broke a promise.
I can't figure out why this is bothering me so much, except that it disturbs me that my friend is so comfortable with condemning strangers on the basis of a single action without even trying to understand them.
Then again, I guess I have my own notions of uncrossable lines, too.
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