(no subject)
Honestly, i've never felt so useless in my life other than today. Not necessarily when I am in school, but after it.
I just feel like I have nothing to look forward to, nothing to accomplish that's worth doing. Like, whatever I seem to do, it's never going to quence this odd need I have. Whatever the need is really...I have yet to find out. Going through the motions seems all that I do. Wake up, school, work, home. Wash and repeat.
Not really exciting, is it? The only thing I do look forward to...when I'll be taking my next choice of paraphenalia, which, is really fucking sad. That, and I think I spelled it wrong.
Haha, drugs. I know things could only get worse, but hey, something to pass the time. Disturbing and wrong? Maybe, but it gets me through the day.
Maybe I just need a better social life. Or friends who just live closer to me.
Oh and I really love how I grew accustomed to not sleeping. Really, it's fanfuckingtastic.
I don't even think sleeping pills work for me. I've tried, but shit. Pills really aren't something I need since it's all I've been doing. Do I think it's a problem that I like taking vicodin, codene, caffeine pills? Hell, I don't know.
I've been good though, not doing it as much. Just acquired a new satisfaction in cigarettes. Yeah, started again.
Sometimes I wonder if everything would be the way it is if I still lived in California, or if I stayed at Kellenberg. Would I be the pierced, out and about, alcohol using, drug needing fag that I am now? Or would I be someone completely diffrent? Like, I don't know...a transvestite or something.
Bleh. How I keep rambling off amazes me, yet it doesn't annoy me.
Random thought. I would love to know what it's like to die and be able to come back from the dead. That and kill someone with my own hands...
Goddamnit, that was too fucking wierd.
I think I just need a girlfriend. Or just stop doing drugs so I stop ranting and raving like this.
Ooh. Rave.
I just feel like I have nothing to look forward to, nothing to accomplish that's worth doing. Like, whatever I seem to do, it's never going to quence this odd need I have. Whatever the need is really...I have yet to find out. Going through the motions seems all that I do. Wake up, school, work, home. Wash and repeat.
Not really exciting, is it? The only thing I do look forward to...when I'll be taking my next choice of paraphenalia, which, is really fucking sad. That, and I think I spelled it wrong.
Haha, drugs. I know things could only get worse, but hey, something to pass the time. Disturbing and wrong? Maybe, but it gets me through the day.
Maybe I just need a better social life. Or friends who just live closer to me.
Oh and I really love how I grew accustomed to not sleeping. Really, it's fanfuckingtastic.
I don't even think sleeping pills work for me. I've tried, but shit. Pills really aren't something I need since it's all I've been doing. Do I think it's a problem that I like taking vicodin, codene, caffeine pills? Hell, I don't know.
I've been good though, not doing it as much. Just acquired a new satisfaction in cigarettes. Yeah, started again.
Sometimes I wonder if everything would be the way it is if I still lived in California, or if I stayed at Kellenberg. Would I be the pierced, out and about, alcohol using, drug needing fag that I am now? Or would I be someone completely diffrent? Like, I don't know...a transvestite or something.
Bleh. How I keep rambling off amazes me, yet it doesn't annoy me.
Random thought. I would love to know what it's like to die and be able to come back from the dead. That and kill someone with my own hands...
Goddamnit, that was too fucking wierd.
I think I just need a girlfriend. Or just stop doing drugs so I stop ranting and raving like this.
Ooh. Rave.