Leave out all the Rest...
A couple of songs played on the radio today that made me think of Zach... On top of it being Halloween, making today all the harder.
This is going to be something to... Hopefully help. I don't know if it will... Every time I start thinking about things, I get overwhelmed, start thinking about so many things... Why Zach, why so young...why Why WHY? I know I won't ever get answers, but I have my theories. Either way, it doesn't matter all too much. Knowing what happened doesn't change the fact that he's gone... That the world is a lot less bright because of it.
The holidays are the hardest... Thanksgiving was rough, had to hide a bit when I saw the gravy... Zach was forever, every time there was a family get together, putting ham sauce on his mashed potatoes... Ham sauce is nooothing like gravy... Yet every year, he made the same mistake.
Halloween was hard. He should have been with us... Maybe it wouldn't have been so dull, so lifeless. I know I'm too old to go trick-or-treating... But I wanted to, so badly. Dressed up for work... Knew Zach would have laughed at me for moping on such a fun day. I just couldn't get into it... added in the fact that there was no kids who came up to the door for candy at my dad's house... Made fit all the rougher.
There's... So much I regret... like how the day before he died, I yelled at him, and he just shrugged it off as always... How I wasn't there when he was shot, wasn't in the city... Always going to wonder if I'd been in town, would things still have turned out the same way?
I have so many pictures... And yet they all seem to be not enough. Never enough. Can't find all the ones I know are there... Pictures are never going to be as good as the real thing. But they'll help keep his memories alive, and I need that. God do I need that, trying to be strong for my mom, for my dad and my sister while we're all still reeling, even now two months later, we still don't know quite how to feel, how to act, what to say...
I guess I won't say much more before I start crying more, it's just... One of those days again.
This is going to be something to... Hopefully help. I don't know if it will... Every time I start thinking about things, I get overwhelmed, start thinking about so many things... Why Zach, why so young...why Why WHY? I know I won't ever get answers, but I have my theories. Either way, it doesn't matter all too much. Knowing what happened doesn't change the fact that he's gone... That the world is a lot less bright because of it.
The holidays are the hardest... Thanksgiving was rough, had to hide a bit when I saw the gravy... Zach was forever, every time there was a family get together, putting ham sauce on his mashed potatoes... Ham sauce is nooothing like gravy... Yet every year, he made the same mistake.
Halloween was hard. He should have been with us... Maybe it wouldn't have been so dull, so lifeless. I know I'm too old to go trick-or-treating... But I wanted to, so badly. Dressed up for work... Knew Zach would have laughed at me for moping on such a fun day. I just couldn't get into it... added in the fact that there was no kids who came up to the door for candy at my dad's house... Made fit all the rougher.
There's... So much I regret... like how the day before he died, I yelled at him, and he just shrugged it off as always... How I wasn't there when he was shot, wasn't in the city... Always going to wonder if I'd been in town, would things still have turned out the same way?
I have so many pictures... And yet they all seem to be not enough. Never enough. Can't find all the ones I know are there... Pictures are never going to be as good as the real thing. But they'll help keep his memories alive, and I need that. God do I need that, trying to be strong for my mom, for my dad and my sister while we're all still reeling, even now two months later, we still don't know quite how to feel, how to act, what to say...
I guess I won't say much more before I start crying more, it's just... One of those days again.