SO much to write about and I don't even know where to begin.
This past year has been more than amazing.
I have been to Cuba and Costa Rica.
I was introduced to 92 relatives that ALL knew about my life from the moment that I took my first breath.
I have experienced things I never thought I would...good and bad.
I came very close to losing the one thing that matters to me most.
As the fear of losing all that I lived for consumed me, it also blessed me with new eyes to view myself and the world.
One problem-I see a fork in the road and I do not know which way to turn.
I am so confused. Everything that I thought I knew, felt was real has now been flipped upside down. We are not invincible. Sometimes we take too much for granted. Replace the We with I and I guess that is what I am really trying to say.
I don't even know anymore.
I am not depressed nor am I fishing for compliments. I suppose the reality that I am about to turn 26 in two weeks is sinking in, and whilst my biological clock is not ticking, my "where the f! are you going with your life?!" clock is.
You see, I've spent so much time trying to change for people and make everyone else happy that I really don't know what makes ME happy anymore. I don't even know what I want anymore.
I thought I did, but I really don't. I am floating in a sea of confusion.
Maybe I do know what I want. Maybe I want it so bad that I am afraid it won't happen. Maybe I am so afraid that I have blocked all feeling and have convinced myself that I don't want it so that if it doesn't happen I won't feel like I have failed.
blah. My gray matter feels like a scrambled egg.
Perhaps tomorrow it will all be clear.
I have been to Cuba and Costa Rica.
I was introduced to 92 relatives that ALL knew about my life from the moment that I took my first breath.
I have experienced things I never thought I would...good and bad.
I came very close to losing the one thing that matters to me most.
As the fear of losing all that I lived for consumed me, it also blessed me with new eyes to view myself and the world.
One problem-I see a fork in the road and I do not know which way to turn.
I am so confused. Everything that I thought I knew, felt was real has now been flipped upside down. We are not invincible. Sometimes we take too much for granted. Replace the We with I and I guess that is what I am really trying to say.
I don't even know anymore.
I am not depressed nor am I fishing for compliments. I suppose the reality that I am about to turn 26 in two weeks is sinking in, and whilst my biological clock is not ticking, my "where the f! are you going with your life?!" clock is.
You see, I've spent so much time trying to change for people and make everyone else happy that I really don't know what makes ME happy anymore. I don't even know what I want anymore.
I thought I did, but I really don't. I am floating in a sea of confusion.
Maybe I do know what I want. Maybe I want it so bad that I am afraid it won't happen. Maybe I am so afraid that I have blocked all feeling and have convinced myself that I don't want it so that if it doesn't happen I won't feel like I have failed.
blah. My gray matter feels like a scrambled egg.
Perhaps tomorrow it will all be clear.