Sep 19, 2006 23:32
Bethers630 (10:54:01 PM): i'm sorry that everything fucking sucks right now, i really don't understand how its possible for one person to go through so much shit and as much as you feel like the way you feel isn't normal i feel like its completely justified, no one should have to deal with that much shitty stuff at once and there isn't any right way to react to it, honestly you held it together for a ridiculously long time or at least were really good at pretending to and i feel like you shouldn't have to pretend
Bethers630 (10:54:29 PM): i don't know, i understand that you had to to function but its just ridiculous that your life is so hard and its not fair
pincess2119 (10:56:27 PM): Yeah...I don't know....people all the time say that i'm so strong and whatever but i'm not, i just don't have a choice but to do what I do....I don't really see any other option...how do I not do this? I just don't want to do this anymore....and it's not even like it's even close to over....the worst hasn't even happened yet....and if i'm feeling like this now.....what do I have to look forward to but getting insanely worse?
Bethers630 (10:58:07 PM): but thats what they mean by being strong, everyone assumes that you are completely aware of the fact that you've had to deal with so much shit and they're aware that you're pissed off, thats completely normal, but what makes you strong is that you do what you do, the other option would be to just give up and a lot of people really do do that but you haven't
pincess2119 (10:58:40 PM): but give up like how? what constitutes a give up?
Bethers630 (10:59:11 PM): but i understand that you're scared and freaked out, who wouldn't be, it just sucks especially because no one can really understand because no one has gone through it but you....give up like quit school stop talking to everyone and just never leave their house
pincess2119 (11:02:24 PM): I don't know....i partially have given up in my head.....while i might be being "strong" i'm certainly not being hopeful and granted i've never been like that, but I've quit thinking that things will ever get better and i've accepted that it will just forever get worse.....so whats the point of being strong just to continue to suffer and never expect it to get better.....i'd be better off giving up but expecting to see light at the end of a tunnel instead of functioning and preparing to stuggle and suffer for the rest of my life......i don't know
Bethers630 (11:03:35 PM): do you really not think its ever going to get better?
pincess2119 (11:04:20 PM): I dont see anything ever getting good....it may hit a threshold of shit and cease to get worse but I don't expect to have a good life, or a happy life, or to enjoy my life ever
Bethers630 (11:06:42 PM): thats really sad, not like in the pathetic sense of the word but its just really sad, i feel like thats what we do as humans is just hope that things will always get better, thats why we created heaven so that when we were going through a lot of shit we knew that in the end it would all be ok, i honestly don't even know what to say because i feel like that has to be the most hopeless feeling in the world