tough times baby....
My mom is dying in the hospital from two strokes caused by a fully blocked artery & a mostly blocked second artery.
I saw it coming when my dad told me what happened but I really got it when the lady at the nurses desk told me her entire left side hemisphere was affected & the arteries were still clogged & they weren't able to remove a large clot in her brasin that hasn't moved.
In essence.. for the last week she has been slowly dying. the first few days she was able to talk & wanted to get going on physical therapy & was scared that she would never play music again. then they did sa procedure to open her skull to try to relieve the pressure of the brain swelling... Then she took turn for the worse.. stopped being responsive... couldn't open her eyes nor talk. But she was able to grab a person's hands and not let go. Coz hung out in the hospital room with me for a couple days but he had to go to work today & went home yesterday. My aunt & uncle (my mom's best friend & her brother) & my cousin blanche have been there & are very suportive. Janice was really terrific when she offered me anything I needed & told me stories about why her family isn't perfect & verified that my mom wasn't making it up when she complained about my grandmother favoring her brother & ignoring her. I only wish she could have said these things to her when she was still cognizant. I forgive her for her part in my mom isolating me from my family. I forgive my mom for being angry... but it's a tough thing. she nearly lost me with her frustration & anger targeted to her family.... Every family has it's issues....
The doctor told my dad the other day that she will make it maybe two days. I don't think he's ready at all for my mom to die but he realizes it's gong to happen whether he wants it to or not.
I fear for my dad- He will need friebds & a support system. a week & a half ago he lost his best friend. now he is going to lose his wife he has loved since he was 23 years old. I'm on the verge of tears by the minute now. I accepted it is going to happen but that fucker still hurts.
I did what I could to make my mom understandthat I love her- in fact, coz & I saw her on mother's day st connie's diner & she seemed perfectly fine & very happy- she was excited about the hammer dulcimer group she was invitedto play in... she won an eq3 quilting design contest.... she had a physical therapy in the pool class at the Y & some friends there. she was an integral part of a small unitarian universalist church that Buddha & I wentto a few times- nice tight bunch- a couple ladies she had befriended there were there when I got there the second time offering my dad unconditional friendship & suport which he needs right now. the biggest thing I needto concern myself with right now is a. help him to take care of himself & establish friendships& potenbtially a new gf when he's grieved enough (this might take a while.... b) help my dad find a system of handling his finances & helping him get into volunteerism.. which I think will help him tremendously. c)get rid of the mountains of stuff my mom accumulated that my dad will not want without horrifying or offending him. To be honest that last task is daunting & overwhelming as there are piles & piles of nice stuff that I won't want nor will my brother want. They also have complex financesthat my mom managed with out any help from my dad so now my dad has no skill in that department... oh boy...
I saw it coming when my dad told me what happened but I really got it when the lady at the nurses desk told me her entire left side hemisphere was affected & the arteries were still clogged & they weren't able to remove a large clot in her brasin that hasn't moved.
In essence.. for the last week she has been slowly dying. the first few days she was able to talk & wanted to get going on physical therapy & was scared that she would never play music again. then they did sa procedure to open her skull to try to relieve the pressure of the brain swelling... Then she took turn for the worse.. stopped being responsive... couldn't open her eyes nor talk. But she was able to grab a person's hands and not let go. Coz hung out in the hospital room with me for a couple days but he had to go to work today & went home yesterday. My aunt & uncle (my mom's best friend & her brother) & my cousin blanche have been there & are very suportive. Janice was really terrific when she offered me anything I needed & told me stories about why her family isn't perfect & verified that my mom wasn't making it up when she complained about my grandmother favoring her brother & ignoring her. I only wish she could have said these things to her when she was still cognizant. I forgive her for her part in my mom isolating me from my family. I forgive my mom for being angry... but it's a tough thing. she nearly lost me with her frustration & anger targeted to her family.... Every family has it's issues....
The doctor told my dad the other day that she will make it maybe two days. I don't think he's ready at all for my mom to die but he realizes it's gong to happen whether he wants it to or not.
I fear for my dad- He will need friebds & a support system. a week & a half ago he lost his best friend. now he is going to lose his wife he has loved since he was 23 years old. I'm on the verge of tears by the minute now. I accepted it is going to happen but that fucker still hurts.
I did what I could to make my mom understandthat I love her- in fact, coz & I saw her on mother's day st connie's diner & she seemed perfectly fine & very happy- she was excited about the hammer dulcimer group she was invitedto play in... she won an eq3 quilting design contest.... she had a physical therapy in the pool class at the Y & some friends there. she was an integral part of a small unitarian universalist church that Buddha & I wentto a few times- nice tight bunch- a couple ladies she had befriended there were there when I got there the second time offering my dad unconditional friendship & suport which he needs right now. the biggest thing I needto concern myself with right now is a. help him to take care of himself & establish friendships& potenbtially a new gf when he's grieved enough (this might take a while.... b) help my dad find a system of handling his finances & helping him get into volunteerism.. which I think will help him tremendously. c)get rid of the mountains of stuff my mom accumulated that my dad will not want without horrifying or offending him. To be honest that last task is daunting & overwhelming as there are piles & piles of nice stuff that I won't want nor will my brother want. They also have complex financesthat my mom managed with out any help from my dad so now my dad has no skill in that department... oh boy...